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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

51% of men in favour of having weight filters on dating apps

198 replies

Toilichte · 22/06/2025 10:36

theres an article in the guardian today following Tinders decision to add in height filters as a premium feature. Quite a few men are upset saying it is going to make dating harder (despite the stats saying many routinely lie about their height anyway).

But what shocked me, was that 51% of men were in favour of a weight filter. Presumably in their heads they all have such great physiques that a weight filter wouldn’t negatively impact their prospects 🤣. But I was genuinely shocked, I really didn’t think the numbers behind weight was a big deal (obviously body type-yes. But not to be able to say she’s over 10stone so that’s a no!)

OP posts:
skippy67 · 22/06/2025 11:14

BlueandPinkSwan · 22/06/2025 10:58

Flip it round, who wants a short fat woman, would it be okay to say that?
Dating sites are grim at the best of times, so many men think they are god's gift in every day life and behind a keyboard probably worse.
Thankful I've been married so many years I don't have this, but if I was single, I'd stay single or find another woman for a relationship.

Absolutely fine to say that.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 22/06/2025 11:15

BlueandPinkSwan · 22/06/2025 11:06

Everyone has their own idea about what attracts them. As I said up thread, I'm very much married and each to their own.
People will always fat shame.

Is electing not to date someone who is overweight, and not physically attractive to you, really fat-shaming?

ShortyShorts · 22/06/2025 11:16

BlueandPinkSwan · 22/06/2025 10:58

Flip it round, who wants a short fat woman, would it be okay to say that?
Dating sites are grim at the best of times, so many men think they are god's gift in every day life and behind a keyboard probably worse.
Thankful I've been married so many years I don't have this, but if I was single, I'd stay single or find another woman for a relationship.

Flip it round, who wants a short fat woman, would it be okay to say that?

100% yes.

Can you explain why you think it wouldn't in the context of someone looking to date within their preferences?

Stressmode · 22/06/2025 11:16

It sounds like a great idea. It stops people wasting their time being matched with people they would never date.

MooreMooreMoore · 22/06/2025 11:18

Weight means nothing, I’m heavy but I don’t look it because I’m tall 🤷‍♀️

I would bet a higher percentage of women would welcome a height filter, they’re all 6ft, yeah maybe in platform shoes 🤥

Marble10 · 22/06/2025 11:19

Ultimately, they will lie if it’s seem negative anyway.

LlynTegid · 22/06/2025 11:21

Perhaps if proven liars had their account closed, would be better, but that is not going to happen.

Almostwelsh · 22/06/2025 11:22

On principle I don't have a problem with it, as I could filter the men on it too. But in practice it wouldn't work because firstly people would lie and secondly it's very height dependent whether a particular weight is overweight or not.

Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair · 22/06/2025 11:23

Surely if someone has this preference it's better for them to admit it to themsleves and filter it out on the app than it is for them to mismatch someone and ultimately judge them negatively for their weight when it's an issue for them. At least then if they don't want someone fat they aren't even looking at someone who is.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 22/06/2025 11:24

it is absolutely ridiculous to lie about your height or weight or use filters or old photos etc unless you're planning on never meeting.

people who do lie must surely be risking humiliation if they do meet up. if I was online dating I'd rather be 100% honest than lie and go meet them and have them go what the fuck. I mean, would that not hurt more than someone not chatting to you in the first place?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/06/2025 11:30

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 22/06/2025 11:24

it is absolutely ridiculous to lie about your height or weight or use filters or old photos etc unless you're planning on never meeting.

people who do lie must surely be risking humiliation if they do meet up. if I was online dating I'd rather be 100% honest than lie and go meet them and have them go what the fuck. I mean, would that not hurt more than someone not chatting to you in the first place?

Absolutely agree. It’s really weird thinking. I assume the thought process is that they can win them over with their sparking personality. But surely all they’ve done! is shown that they’re liars, will manipulate you, and dismiss your wants and needs?!?

Avocadocat · 22/06/2025 11:30

I think it’s fine from an everyone is allowed a preference perspective but not necessarily very meaningful? From threads on here people can have vastly different shapes/ body types / muscle versus fat at the same weight so it would be a bit odd to exclude based on weight alone. Unless men literally want a weight regardless of what someone looks like which is a bit weird but their problem

I wouldn’t want to date a man who excluded based on weight so it’s actually helpful

wendywoopywoo222 · 22/06/2025 11:32

In principle it sounds fine but in reality liars will lie like they lie about anything else they perceive to be negative like their height, marital status etc etc
as a tall very overweight woman I did find the lies about height frustrating internet dating but always had recent full length photos of myself so no one was shocked when they met me.

FutureCatMum · 22/06/2025 11:32

IME plenty of men lie about their height so they would about their weight too. When I was on OLD I would have preferred an option to report guys who blatantly lie and say they’re taller than me when I can look down on the top of their shiny bald head when wearing flat shoes…. That’s time wasting.

Tapoopoo · 22/06/2025 11:33

Doesn't bother me. Im assuming you can filter for hair colour and other physical features?

People have preferences, if you met someone in the pub you'd be physically attra teddy to them (or not) based on, amongst other things weight.

As someone said, surely its better to get that out of the way before meeting and being disappointed that you didnt find the other person physically attractive?

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/06/2025 11:34

As long as it goes both ways I don’t mind at all. Height and weight. You don’t have to tick those boxes presumably if you don’t want to

HostaCentral · 22/06/2025 11:34

Weight is one of those things that is dependent on fitness though, for both women and men. You can have a rugby playing, rowing, weight lifting guy or girl, who would be in the obese BMI but be fit as a butchers dog, with an amazing physique. Thus filtering out potentially the very people you might be aiming for.

Tww2674 · 22/06/2025 11:34

I don’t seen an issue with it (I’m overweight myself) but my only concern is that weight alone says very little. When I was a size 8-10 I was 10 stone 5lbs but im nearly 5’ 10’’. I’d have probably have been filtered out by most men as that may sound heavy if they are assuming a 5’ 4’’ height. I’m nowhere near that weight now sadly!

PollyBell · 22/06/2025 11:35

Both men and women have preferences why is this a surprise or an issue?

SaturdayDream · 22/06/2025 11:35

There should be more filters available. Women are obsessed with men’s height so if a man cares about a woman’s weight than fair enough.

pharmer · 22/06/2025 11:36

People will lie anyway

NoTouch · 22/06/2025 11:38

Never used online dating as it wasn't around when I was on the dating scene (I am old!), unless I am missing something about OLD, I don't see the problem with either a weight or height filter. It just automatically does the job people otherwise need to do manually.

If a bloke is 5'8" he might want to filter out women who are significantly taller. Or he might prefer curvier women.

Same with women, might not be attracted to a bloke significantly shorter, very thin, or obese.

Surely they just save people time and awkward disappointment.

SpottedDonkey · 22/06/2025 11:39

Good idea. A chubster filter should be less controversial than a height filter. Nobody can change their height, of course, but obesity is different. It’s a lifestyle choice rather than a fundamental aspect of our bodies.

A fat filter would make dating apps better for both sexes, and would incentivise people to lose weight in order to improve their options. It would also improve their health, of course.

PilatesAndLattes · 22/06/2025 11:39

Surely BMI would be a better measure of someone’s figure. A 8 stone and 5’8 woman would look very different to an 8 stone 5’ woman

Rewis · 22/06/2025 11:40

Why not? I'm not in the marker for a bf, but i am obese and those who see me would swipe left anyway so why even have my pic appear to them?

Yes, a lot for time weight and looks dont go hand in hand but if the number is a deal breaker, why not filter it out.

The height, weight and do not matter filters should be for men and women. There are a lot of men who won't date taller so would be easier for everyone. If people want to narrow their choices, go for it. Tinder is not menstrual to be fair and nuanced.

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