Asking to include a sibling for a kids birthday is being a CF

[pourmeadrinkpls]

Unless stated, asking to bring a sibling is being a complete CF.
You can say, sorry Olivia can't attend as I don't have anyone to watch Raphael, and leave it up to the parent to offer. Even asking is being cheeky as it puts the parent in an awkward position.
Even if the venue is something like softplay, as it's not a family outing for you, it's a party for the child having a birthday. It's rude.
Stop doing it! AIBU?

@clearholdbuild it probably wasn't such a big deal 20 years ago. Don't worry about it 😊

I honestly couldn't get upset over it as long as for soft play them pay and keep the kids out of the party food. For a room party I made a point of saying older siblings could come as I know how hard it is and it's ultimately some extra sandwiches and snacks

I like to be organised and I'm a perfectionist so I want the place settings, right vibe, want to have all the party bags ready, everything accounted for etc
You need to be prepared for little at a party for 3-4 year olds being perfect. They will spill drinks and someone will get hurt in an accident and cry and someone will someone will not turn up at the last minute. They won't care about place settings. Which is all fine! It's part of the deal with a party at that age.

I do agree, but also that's the issue. It's potentially double place settings and snacks. I don't have any spare party bags so if someone extra turns up I will feel terrible.

What you'll likely find is Amanda will go to the party room with her and Barbara's child, and Barbara will stay in soft play with the older kids, or similar.

Tbh if it's a separate room you won't fit in 30 parents alongside their kids anyway so they'll be loitering outside at best.

I've accounted for kid plus adult so they can all fit (to the maximum the space allows) with the assumption that someone will bring and extra and someone might not come. Whatever happened to a simpler time when people had parties at home with their cousins or maybe a few friends 🫠

Crikey this seems so petty. At our school all parties we just say siblings welcome and we let them eat and even shock horror give them party bags!

What about the kid who turns up with both parents? Or one who wants to drop and run but come back half way through? Or the one whose child gets upset and needs to be taken off for a quiet 10 minutes with their parent just when you were hoping to serve food? You really can't plan this kind of party to that degree, you'll drive yourself mad.

OK so I'm clearly way out of my depth. The party last week sent a group message to say, the party space was limited and so it was kid plus one adult. Do I also need to do the same? Quite honestly most people I know would assume it was just the kid and a parent, but I can see this might not be the case for all. We are all professionals who are used to going to events so when you get a named invitation, it means the named person not named person and anyone else who wants to join. And in last week's case it was strictly limited to those numbers by the venue even though the venue is also open to the public.

IME there’s usually at least one family in the class where the mum and dad both always come to every single party, like some kind of family day out. So if this will bother you, you’ll need to let them know in advance

You seem disproportionally stressed about this OP. Most kids parties are relaxed informal events with the focus on the children having fun. Try to unclench a bit, you’ll be a much nicer hostess.

It probably will be one + one. Just don't stress if it isn't. The party isn't going to be ruined by being a couple of napkins short, or a couple of kids falling out or loads of them hardly eating anything.

It's not meant to be this stressful! Just go with the flow a bit. It'll be fine as long as you're not expecting perfect.

I think asking for extra siblings to attend a party is unfair for both the child having the party and the children they’ve invited specifically.

The child having the party shouldn’t have to have unknown children there when it’s their special day and the child attending should be allowed to do things in life that are just about them, not them and their entire family.

I understand people do at times struggle with childcare but would it not be better to chat with the party host or another parent attending to try and work something out that way rather than just assume your entire family can pitch up at another child’s party even if you are willing to pay?

My fault, but this is costing alot including the party bags so I can't invite everyone. I have a limited budget, but also actually I don't want to invite everyone! It's a special occasion for my child's selected special friends. Due to unfortunate circumstances, this is the first party they will have and i want it to be special. It would be different if I was having it at a hall or something where it was just a family day out for everyone.

Thanks @tiffanybean that's exactly what I mean, why woukd we want kids we don't know there?

I used to just hire the church hall for mine, hire a bouncy castle and allow anyone who wanted to come for a few jam butties and cake.
We would have “hi, Im babysitting my nephews/nieces/half of the estate” on the day so it made sense. I never threw a party for my little ones that was very tight on numbers, so no lazer quest or trampoline parks. Once they’re out of party age we did that with close friends.
It made life much easier when they got to 7ish

Even then, though, a lot of kids have siblings who are several years older or younger than they are.

If you have a bouncy castle for a group of 5yos and then several big, energetic 12yos come along and take over, it will no longer be safe or enjoyable for the little ones.

My sons having a party next month at a softplay type place that’s open to the public - it wouldn’t bother me at all if parents brought the younger siblings, as long as they paid for them ofc

Exactly, the whole dynamic changes. I feel parents are also different when theye with both kids, especially of the extra is a younger sibling.

I’m currently planning my daughters 4th party and ive had to cut out all siblings unless she’s friends with both because it’s £10 extra PP and she can only have 20 children which I thought seemed like loads but isn’t. I’m dreading the oh I’ll have to bring XYZ

If you’re doing a hall then absolutely fine but if you’re doing something with a strict number then obviously this wouldn’t work

It's so stressful isn't it! It ruins what should be a fun experience planning the party, some people are so selfish and thoughtless

I would have just paid for my child directly with the s9ft play and not expected them to be involved in the party festivities.

I do think you need to just be really clear to those that they are welcome to drop and run.

So it is a private hire? Only you mention the party room being small and not wanting randoms...but if it's a public soft play with other seating areas will there not be other randoms using it at the same time? It's a bit confusing the size of the venue as you say about children wandering from the party room to the soft play area and hadn't considered this as a safety issue in terms of watching them.