Asking to include a sibling for a kids birthday is being a CF

[pourmeadrinkpls]

Unless stated, asking to bring a sibling is being a complete CF.
You can say, sorry Olivia can't attend as I don't have anyone to watch Raphael, and leave it up to the parent to offer. Even asking is being cheeky as it puts the parent in an awkward position.
Even if the venue is something like softplay, as it's not a family outing for you, it's a party for the child having a birthday. It's rude.
Stop doing it! AIBU?

Softplay parties round us most siblings attend. However the done thing is party child is part of the party package, parents pay for the sibling on the door. Parents buy sibling their own food and drinks. Siblings usually get a piece of the leftover cake and any leftover party bags. Some parties it's just a bit of cake, others there may be a party bag.

Village hall style it depends on the parent hosting. Some have allowed siblings others have said no siblings due to room. Babes in arms (under 1) generally come to all parties.

The play cafe is an interesting one (under 8 age limit but most kids age out of it by about 6). Parent didn't specify siblings either way. Most didn't bring siblings (lots of older siblings in our year) as they had aged out of the venue. Only the ones with babes in arms or small toddlers came -again paid on the door for the toddlers. One well known CF parent brought her 8 and 10 year olds and then moaned when venue said 10 yr old was too old and that her 8yr old had to come out as he was not using the equipment appropriately (climbing on the equipment, jumping off equipment, generally rough housing).

‘Due to limits on numbers, siblings will not be able to attend’

This works fine at DC’s school if needed.

It’s usually the same people who bring the siblings to all parties. Not single parents etc, just seem to be unable to tell one child they can’t do something their sibling is doing.

School age - drop and run.

Party for 3/4 yo I would expect 1yo and babes in arms to come along and would plan party to include this. I

Of a soft play party it’s a public venue so no it’s not CF behaviour to pay for your other child to go in.

Often with parents with older children it’s because they aren’t yet old enough to be left. Mainly if child needs to come it’s single parents or military parents with husband abroad and family far away (I am in a military area) and I’m not going to make their lives any harder.

Yes agree. Definitely don't see an issue with asking.

I think it depends what it is if the parents are paying separately and it's not restricted numbers. I.e. soft play i wouldn't mind

But expecting goodie bags, feeding or free entry is a full CF request

I disagree. It’s fine to ask. Not fine to just turn up. Unless it’s a soft play which is a public place and you don’t get to dictate who can and can’t turn up and pay in with their children

I think it's got worse as the age parents seem to stay/expect to stay has got older.

When I was little birthday parties over tiny tots, no parents would stay unless by invitation.
When my dc were little, preschool parties people tended to stay, but not older.

Now I've seen people on here commenting that parents stay until much older.

I think if it's a public entry, then absolutely fine to stay with siblings and pay for them, but you don't expect food /party bags etc, really don't even go into the party room with them, because that can put the host in an awkward situation.
If you know the parent well, then it's fine to ask when there's no public entry as long as you ask in a way that allows the answer to be "no" and you also let the host know that there is no expectation that siblings join in/get food etc.
Other than those situations, then no. It's not fair on the invited child either.

I don't remember when my dc were little, people bringing siblings along to a private place and expecting them to join in; they'd normally sit on the side with things to do.

I was at one once, where a family of 5 with very harassed dad came, with youngest the invited one. The older four sat, rather bored, but pretty good on the side with a small number of snacks he'd brought. He explained that Mum was ill, which was why he'd had to bring them.
The birthday child had just started at preschool, and had asked the preschool teachers to hand out the invites to the 9 children who were in the same room. My dc was invited through another connection.
I was chatting to the dad, when the host came over and in the course of the conversation, it turned out that the child had the same name as another in a different room... and this was the wrong child! Poor dad was mortified, whereas me and the host thought it very funny.

I think it depends on the situation tbh!

Without asking is an absolute no-go.

I had a party for DS at a local small soft play. £20 per head including catering and if you had over a certain number then it was exclusive hire so the venue wasn’t open to the public. Great 😊

• 1 parent RSVP’d no then turned up anyway with the invited child and a sibling
• another parent asked about a sibling which I had given the ok and added her onto numbers, then also brought along a friend for sibling since “it’s not fair if they have to play with all the wee ones”

I was annoyed about both of them.

It is annoying. I had someone turn up with twins who joined in all the games and food. But tbh there is no point getting so worked up as it will happen. Best to put ‘due to limited places no siblings’ on the invitation.

big school i messaged the wrong Jamie’s mum to invite him. She said can I bring x. Before i answered i realised it was the wrong Jamie and so it became irrelevant. I’d thought her a CF but later found out she’d moved into her partners home had kids, was never on the mortgage, he was awful, she had no means to move out and had to live with him on a kids floor for two years, not speaking until she could move out. If dad wants to play golf it’s one thing, and that’s what we may presume but there can be all sorts of shit going on (and I’m not sure if then she could even have offered to pay for the second).

I had a birthday party for my eldest son many years ago. Small house. Some CF turned up with the younger brother of the invited kid then told her two older kids to drop in also. For other numerous reasons we are no longer in touch

Depends what the party is. Given I knew which of my DD’s friends has siblings & was on speaking terms with the parents, it wasn’t a big deal. For a party in the village hall, a couple of extra kids is neither here or there. Nor is soft play if the parent pays the entry for the extra child.

By the time you reach activities where extra children can’t be included, then it tends to be drop & run anyway.

At soft play providing they pay for the child and don’t expect them to sit with birthday party it’s fine. At a hall/house I wouldn’t mind being asked but I’d say no if there was a number limit.

In some ways sure and it depends on the situation, but also just because siblings might be part of a wider group that doesn't make them friends. Also it's unfair if a child can't do anything and always has the sibling attending things that are just for them and their friends. They are also individuals.

Fairly common here to bring siblings along to parties and very encouraged tbh. My children are only 4 and 2 though so I anticipate this won’t be the norm when DD heads into reception.

I don't think it's a black and white thing. If it's a soft play / trampoline party I would have no problem if a parent asked to bring a sibling, assuming they are going to pay their entrance and not expect them to get food.

Hall party where the activity is not age appropriate for smaller siblings, that would be annoying if they wanted to bring a younger one.

But always need to ask in advance, rocking up with a surprise extra kid = very rude.

Indeed. So people want a village for their families but don’t want to be anyone else’s village. Then they wonder why they haven’t got anyone to help them!

Not everyone wants a village. I certainly don’t.

100% cf. See this all the time on MN. Invites should state that it is for invitee only. Cheeky fuckers.

There's also the issue that if you're playing games then older ones are often better/quicker etc.
My dsis told me about one she took her dc to that someone bought an older boy of about 8 to a 4yos party. Host said he could come in. He joined in and being bigger and stronger won the first few games, which included him pushing a child over in musical chairs, with damage enough to need first aid. So he was asked to sit out.
When they went through to tea, they discovered he'd eaten half the chocolate fingers and a good sized finger hole of icing from the birthday cake. Mum said "well, he was bored..."

We had a mum message and say due to a family emergency, my DH will be taking the child to the party but he'll also have to bring sibling, is that ok? So I said it was fine. My child had just started reception 2 weeks earlier so very much an expectation that all parents hang about as the kids didn't even know eachother yet.

The dad came, dropped both kids off and said "I'm pretty tired so I'm going to go home and I'll pick them both up in two hours" and then just buggered off and left his kids behind 🙃

Maybe this depends on the school/area? We live in a little village and all class parties will usually say siblings can come/ or dont mind and it is likely the birthday child will know the siblings from school/local area anyway. I would never in a million years show up with siblings without asking but I would be OK to both ask and be asked. I wouldn't expect a party bag/food for siblings, but don't really see the issue with asking.

When they get older and have parties where they just invite their own friends rather than the whole group is different - but then they are usually OK to leave at the party by themselves.

I think it’s fine at a soft play, provided the parent pays for their other child and goes off with them so they’re not trying to join in all the party games or the party tea etc. what else should single parents do if they have more than one child? We never mind if a parent brings an extra under those circumstances.

I'd actually rather people did ask as I'm more than happy to accommodate if it makes life easier.

It's normal for siblings to be invited at our school and I've always welcomed them. Our school is small and has a family feel, so you generally get to know them quite well at school events and overlapping clubs. I like to be a generous host and I always cater for them and provide party bags.