Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

[itsprobablyjustaphrase]

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

He is a control freak. Only one way. Get rid.

He doesn’t stop me seeing friends and family and doesn’t call or text when I am with them and doesn’t stop me going anywhere.

I do feel like nothing I do is ever good enough - but then I think it’s comments about makeup and cooking, maybe I just need to let it go. The makeup thing, he’s always said “you don’t need makeup” but the comments have ramped up up lately and I am wondering why there has been a change.

OP, I really hope you are reading all these comments. He is controlling, he is trying to knock your confidence, this will spiral.

Unfortunately, a lot of us have been there. My horrible ex's skills set included love bombing, gaslighting and giving/withholding affection as a form of control. He tried to tell me what I was allowed to do. Two and a half years I put up with it and I just cannot believe it happened to me because I'm a really confident person.

It might be upsetting at first, but you won't regret dumping this bloke.

I am not confident at all. I have a prior eating disorder and feel very uncomfortable in my body at the moment. I’ve asked him if he thinks I have put on weight and he said no.

but then we looked at old photos and he said “god you were tiny then”. On Friday I had a small pasta dish for my late lunch at 4pm ish, at 8pm I asked what he wanted for tea and he said “you’ve just eaten? What food do you need?”. And then randomly the other day “do you think you eat more now you’re in a relationship?”

I am not overweight at all. Maybe I have put on weight, I shouldn’t have asked him, but it feels so cruel. But then again I’m like well you did ask? And maybe it feels kinder to do it through little comments rather than “yes you need to lose weight”

Darling…please take the good advice that’s been given here in this thread.

This man is no good for you.
I know it’s easier said than done, but for your own safety, you should end this relationship.

Please end this now. If he wants all those things he shouldn't have got with you in the first place.
He sounds absolutely horrible.

He sounds like a cunt. HTH. Dump him.

Just dump him OP @itsprobablyjustaphrase

end of. Simple as that.

A kind, loving partner is constructive, nurturing, encouraging, supportive and kind and constantly builds you up. A kind, loving partner says things like hey, it’s my turn to cook / that colour really suits you / it’s hot out there, shall I find your sun cream / hey love, you’ve smudged your lippy, here’s a tissue / you sit down, I’ll wash up etc.

Does your ‘partner’ do this?

It sounds as if he is gradually grinding you down with all the little comments, making you doubt yourself. It’s not a healthy dynamic. Is this your first serious relationship? Do you have others to model what healthy relationships look like?

I bet he'd respond with fury if you criticised him. He sounds like an absolute shit. Dump him but do it safely- make sure others are on hand. Abusers escalate when you try to escape. And he is an abuser.

He’s a controlling narcissist and this will only get worse.

Please do not stay with this man

It’s a huge red flag in my eyes. Wear what you like when you like. End of. However this needs addressing, as it feels like this controlling behaviour will escalate but only if you let it

Jesus op .! This is shocking . He knows you have an eating disorder that let’s face it could kill you if you spiralled and he says that shit.
I know you are venting here but you don’t need to justify a decision of leaving .
You can end it for any reason , this is a very massive one .
There isn’t a reason for his escalation except that it’s a natural progression for someone like him.

Please end this . You simply say it’s not working for you anymore . That’s your right .

Is he the parent of your child?

If not, why do you live with him after only two years? And why are you tolerating his criticism, and policing of your parenting?

I really dread to think how things will be when he starts (if he hasn’t already started) negging your child too.

I reiterate - this is not a healthy relationship.

But I can see you’re not listening …

This relationship sounds like death by a thousand cuts OP. He's very slowly chipping at your self esteem. It's not a case of you can't take critzicism. If it was constructive and delivered in a kind and thoughtful way you'd probably be fine with it. He just seems to get off on picking away at people. I personally couldn't live like this.

Theres nothing 'kind' about this jerk. And you're giving him amo to shoot you with. He knows you are insecure about your weight so he plans to knock you down about it.

Would you tolerate a friend making these snide, backhanded little remarks?

A partner should be a best friend. And, kind. Bare minimum.

He, is a bitch. And one who sees you as his enemy.

There is no excuse for his bs. It's only been 2 years. It sounds like you have no marriage/child ties to him. Good. Easy to dump the cunt and be free.

Get out.

He knows you have a history of an eating disorder and he’s commenting on your size and what you eat?! He’s not nice OP. You would genuinely be better off on your own than with someone who chips away at your confidence the way he is. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even like you from the sound of it. And he certainly doesn’t respect you.

I have a friend who insists on wearing makeup that makes her look ridiculous. There are lines everywhere and she somehow ends up looking a bit like a clown when she adds lipstick into the equation. Anytime I see her without makeup, I always mention how beautiful she looks au natural as she really does look a million times better. Is there any chance that's what's going on here?

Tell him to fuck off. What's the point of him?

But he didnt hate it when he first met you? Theres appreciating your natural face (no make up) but then there’s being mean - he is being mean. Especially when make up makes you feel more confident

He is a controlling creep. Get out NOW! Run don’t walk.

You can do better than this piece of shit. You mention children. I assume they are not his? You sound a lovely person - please believe in yourself and get rid of him. He is doing you no favours for your self esteem. On the contrary he is chipping away at it with his passive aggressive remarks. You are worth more.

My controlling ex did this to me so I wouldn’t have men looking at me (not that that was ever my intention) I left him 4 years ago and have never been happier.

No. This is horrible controlling behaviour and he’s absolitely destroying your self esteem. How fucking dare he. This won’t get better and I would be ending a relationship with somebody who is an absolute arsehole but disguises it as “you can’t take criticism”. Wonder how he’d feel if you said his cock was a bit small or his hairline is receding.