Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

[itsprobablyjustaphrase]

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

“You don’t need makeup”

”Thanks for your opinion, I like wearing it”

“I prefer you without makeup”

”I prefer wearing makeup and my preference is my priority”

“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”

”Have you thought of applying for a job on the beauty counter in Boots? Or joining the Taliban? Do you speak to women at work like this?”

“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”

”Its a free country”

“Why are you painting your face?”

”Its a free country”

“You don’t need all that”

Silence

“I hate it when you wear lipstick”

”Thanks for letting me know”

“Your lipstick is wonky”

”Not a crime as far as I know”

“you don’t need all that on your face”

“I want makeup on my face”

he's controlling.
criticising you about everything is intended to destroy your confidence.
it is a form of abuse.

He's a controlling wanker. Why are you putting up with him? He doesn't even like you. He's commenting on your makeup, clothes, cooking. He's got something to say about everything. Make him single and let him find a non makeup wearing, chef in a style he likes. You are you. You are perfect as you are. Don't change yourself. Change your partner to some one that lile you exactly as you are.

“i am sensitive though and he’s said before I can’t take criticism.”

He is wearing you down. Is there anything good about this relationship?

This ^ and watch out for red flags next time OP.

I am going to ask 3 questions @itsprobablyjustaphrase

Does he bad mouth your family or friends?

If you say you are going out to meet a friend is he encouraging or does he pout/come up with reasons you can't/try to guilt trip you/keep phoning or texting?

It is just possible he woke up Christmas time and realised after 2 years that he loves your fresh faced look more. Maybe.

So I wonder if this is an odd blip in an otherwise harmonious equal relationship or have there been moments where you are questioning yourself or finding yourself perplexed and puzzled. Perhaps changing your behaviour so as to not have him kick off or upset him. Or re-running a scene through your head trying to make it make sense. Have you experienced any of this?

Seems there's quite a lot he doesn't like 🙄

I'm not sure why you're still together tbh, I couldn't be doing with that incessant nipping.

I have a couple of stock replies for people who "don't like" the things I wear, buy, say, or do.

"Don't wear it then," or "the door is there, no one is stopping you from using it."

Unless they have a valid point, such as, "I don't like it when you let that man put you down constantly because you deserve better than that." Comments like those are worth taking on board.

But I am old now and no longer have the patience or energy to deal with fragile, insecure man babies.

Dump him Op he sounds a prick

This IS controlling, and it will only get worse.
How often do you see friends and family? Or does he complain about that too?
LEAVE.

He’s chipping away at your self esteem, OP.
Today it’s your makeup, and next week, it will be something else, and then something else again.

This won’t get any better.

Tell him if he doesn't like makeup he doesn't have to wear it.
In all seriousness, don't let him control you.

If the op wore absolutely no make up and her boyfriend was pressuring her to wear some...would you say, perhaps you would look better with it, maybe you need a rethink?

I don’t even need to read your OP to know. I have.
Get rid of him and keep yourself safe from him. He’s an abuser. It’s ramping up. This is the real him.

Don’t put up with this. If he’s like this after two years, imagine what he’ll be like in ten!

You don’t owe him anything and you don’t have to be with him.

He sounds like an arse, who doesn’t see you as an equal member in the relationship.

The mask is slipping OP. He’s managed to keep it on for 2 years, this is the real person.

It'll get worse. Ditch him pronto.
Enough women have been in your situation to give you a really crystal clear picture of what he’s doing.

My DP has never commented negatively on my appearance. He says I always look nice. I dress how I want to without reference to him or anyone, and that's how it should be for you.

Ask him why he does it and what's he really wanting to tell you. Being so critical of you is really unhealthy.

OP, you are not too sensitive, you are getting upset because he's a controlling arsehole and your body is rebelling and wants rid of him. Listen to your emotions. Listen to yourself. This is not right, and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

Dump him, it only ever gets worse. No-one needs to spend their life walking on eggshells like this.

This.. some of these creatures belong in a swamp.

He sounds like a pernickity kind of person.

I haven’t read the whole thread but he is chipping away at your self confidence and self esteem.
Imagine having kids with him and him being this critical of your parenting.

He will continue behaving like this until you are a shell of your former self. Please consider leaving him.

Just reading this is infuriating me. You are NOT being oversensitive at all

Is this real, @itsprobablyjustaphrase? I’m actually hoping it isn’t because it’s putting up my blood pressure.

I hope the reason you haven’t come back isn’t that you don’t like the responses? Please don’t be one of those posters coming back in a year’s time with a post that begins He’s a great dad, but … I suffer with my mental health, and …

Please, please recover your backbone and leave this repellent excuse for a human being - before he completely wears you down.

He is extremely critical of everyone, he does the same to his sisters and mum. But they just laugh it off.

I have said to him before “it’s my face” etc or “I’m cooking not you” and he just says “you can’t take criticism at all”.

He already criticises my parenting, saying I’m too loud when we’re playing or that I need to be stricter.

We live together.

He doesn’t stop me seeing friends or family, but I notice I don’t see them as much.

He says all the time he’s not the jealous type. But I do think he doesn’t want me to look nice when we go out. Just a feeling.