Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

[itsprobablyjustaphrase]

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

Comments about your make up are the tip of the iceberg - please leave him! He's a nasty, controlling, abusive bully, and YOU DESERVE BETTER!

He doesn’t get a vote. You’ve heard what he thinks and him repeating himself when he knows where you stand is a problem.

He’s controlling
He’s insecure

His comments make me think he is controlling and insecure, and is finally showing the OP who he really is after keeping up an act until recently.

My bf has said to me I like it that you don’t wear much make up. So as I am skint I have used this as an excuse to not bother getting my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted any more (I’m very fair and I can’t be bothered doing it myself.) But recently we went to a party and I put on lots of make up. He didn’t mention it or tell me I shouldn’t. So I think your bf is going too far telling you not to wear it. I agree that you should go to a make up counter and make sure you are wearing what is right for you. Then once you know you have the colouring etc right you can tell him to back off. With controlling behaviour though it’s like a boiled frog. Slowly getting worse. Little things you don’t even notice. This will be one of many. If it’s in many areas then you need to get out.

Tell him to sod off.

Continually criticising someone will undermine their confidence, and it sounds as if this is happening to you. He is then compounding it with a bit of gaslighting- “oh you can’t take criticism, you’re too sensitive” as if he is the arbiter of correctness in the world.

Don’t let him tell you how you should feel. I grew up being told my feelings were wrong and it’s contributed to quite serious problems for me in relationships and with my mental health.

I would rethink this relationship if I were you. It won’t make you happy in the long term.

Do you actually like being with him? He sounds a total pain in the neck, and you'd be better off without him.

He’s insecure and wants you to look like a plain Jane when you leave the house in case you get spirited away by another man! 🙄

Unfortunately, insecurity leads to jealously and spitefulness and his constant criticism is not constructive and is picking away at you so that you will second guess yourself and feel anxious.

‘Desmond, this chipping away at my self esteem with your silly comments about my make up and hovering over me in the kitchen has to stop. If it doesn’t then it’s goodbye.’

or better still, ‘Goodbye Desmond, you’re an arse.’

He's a controlling arsehole. Fgs stop trying to find reasons why it's somehow your fault - I'm too sensitive, my make-up is wrong, I'm rubbish at standing up for myself. You shouldn't have to stand up to nit-picking criticism from a partner! The answer is not to alter your behaviour or to learn how to cope with his attitude. The answer is to dump this twat.

He's a controlling arsehole. Fgs stop trying to find reasons why it's somehow your fault - I'm too sensitive, my make-up is wrong, I'm rubbish at standing up for myself. You shouldn't have to stand up to nit-picking criticism from a partner! The answer is not to alter your behaviour or to learn how to cope with his attitude. The answer is to dump this twat.

God he sounds dreadful sorry @itsprobablyjustaphrase As people have said, he wants to control you and tell you how to behave and how to look. It's the thin end of a huge wedge, and yes, more red flags than a communist parade. He will go from strength to strength in his controlling of you, and your life will be miserable with him.

He wants you make up free, because he thinks you will be less attractive to other men. Such bullshit. I think some women look better with make up, some don't look better, and some look just as pretty with or without. I remember getting hit on by a man when I was in the swimming baths! I had wet, flat-ish hair, and no make up on, and he still found me attractive. Wearing no make up is not a guarantee that you will get no men coming after you.

Your boyfriend is an idiot. Throw this one back. You deserve better.

I’ve just read your updates.

Why are you with him? He’s undermining and diminishing you at every opportunity.

With your self blaming you have victim of domestic abuse written all over you.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Read these books.
Read Why he do that? Lundy Bancroft
Women who love too much. Robin Norwood

It's entirely up to you what you wear on your face. I personally often prefer people without make up. I just like the natural look. Maybe your boyfriend genuinely thinks you look more beautiful without make up. But it's not up to him. And he could be saying it to be nasty. It's hard to know.

Has he been watching Andrew Tate type nonsense online?
This sounds like the start of a slippery slope. I would tell him you will wear what you want on your own face and he can stop commenting on it or it’s over, and mean it.

Agree. The extra update from the OP tips this into very concerning behaviour for me.

@itsprobablyjustaphrase a classic combination of someone controlling in a relationship with someone not good at standing up for themselves.

Speak out. Tell him you wear make up because you want to wear make up, so he either needs to accept that and not mention it again or find himself another girlfriend.

Personally I think life is too short to spend it with someone like that.

Does not seem to me to be a relationship that should continue and you should end it. Make-up comments are not the only issue.

I wish you felt able and comfortable to be make-up free, but defend your choice not to do so.

I agree. I married a man in my mid-20s and his coercive control started with the little things. By the age of 27 he wouldn’t have been happy even if I went out in full niqab (neither of us are or were Muslim) and by 29 I’d divorced him.

Bin him. Future you will be very thankful.

Don’t tell me you live with him? Please get out now.

No op he is controling and it’s escalating!
If you go to a makeup counter do it for you

Honestly though he will wear you down and you won’t recognise yourself . Get out now before he changes you and you struggle to get back to yourself .

Call it a day. Send him on his merry way to find a woman who fits his requirements better.

OP please stand up for yourself. Finish it. It’s only going to grind you down until you don’t recognise yourself.