Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

[itsprobablyjustaphrase]

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

Why does it need a rethink? If OP likes it like that she can do it however the hell she likes.

^ YES

He's controlling. He knows it and you know it. At the moment he's just testing the waters with the make-up. But like the commenter above said, then it'll be clothes, your body shape, where you are allowed to go, who you are allowed to speak to, who you are allowed to see.

Tell him once, strongly and in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up, and see what happens. If he stops, okay. If he doesn't - then you've got all the information you need.

The fact he knows you've had an eating disorder in the past, yet is critical over what you're eating, and your weight. This is probably the biggest red flag, and there are plenty. From where I am sitting he's trying to push you back down the eating disorder tunnel. You lack confidence and self-esteem and he's slowly eroding what you do have away. He's perfectly aware of what he's doing. He wants you to be a shell of yourself, completely under his control with no views or opinions of your own. He's abusive, it's that simple. Please leave him.

I used to be with a man like this, it was hell for 10 years.
My advice would be end it now, work on your self esteem and find a man who worships you. They are out there. Once you've worked on your own self esteem, realised you can do it all by yourself, you won't allow these type of men around you.

Nothing about his behaviour is ‘being kind’.

He’s trying to destroy you so you have no other option than to stay with him.

Please don’t. Please stand up for yourself, push back. Go to counselling- on your own- and learn how to dig in.

You mention kids @itsprobablyjustaphrase , are they his children?

What is your housing situation? Is it your name on the mortgage / tenancy?

This man is no good and he will insidiously erode any self esteem you do have. It's all relatively subtle at the moment but it will increase.

Please, please, please take a leap of faith before he completely breaks you. Ask him to leave. You are better and stronger than this.

Why would you stay with this hypercritical pillock? I mean it! WHY WOULD YOU STAY?

His opinions are unpleasant, uninformed, uninteresting, and unnecessary. What is left.

Dump him and don’t ever accept someone who isn’t delighted by you.

Laughing it off is all very well but to live with someone who does this so often would be SO draining and demoralising.

I think you need to question his constant criticism and ask WHY he does it.

No one is perfect, and I'm sure he has lots of nice characteristics, but sometimes faults in a character need to be addressed when they become too much.

And there is no reason you should

He's horrible

HTH

never worn make up in my life - not my thing - but it is yours.

you are an autonomous adult - no one gets to tell you how to dress / what make up to wear.

if you like make up - you wear it.

totally nothing to do with anyone else.

would be concerned that if he ‘wins’ on this (ie stopping you wearing make up) what will it be next?

Sounds all very controlling to me .

Ask him why he needs to criticise you ?

Run for the hills today and start a so much better life!!

End this relationship it's only going to get worse. Coercive control us no laughing matter. It's already working on you as you are doubting yourself.

This is how emotional abuse started in my friends marriage.

next came he didn’t like certain friends. he alienated her from her family. Then her degree was taking up too much of her time. Then she couldn’t read certain books, or watch certain films.

then came the physical abuse.

OP, please listen to what posters are telling you because if feels like you are not 'hearing' them.
At best, your relationship is unhealthy and that is NOT what you want for your child/rens 'normal'. For this to be the relationship that is modelled as acceptable.
Whilst you may not think you are worth more, you are. And your child/ren most definitely are. You have the strength, it's there, you just need to find it

Leave before he destroys you from the inside. He will shatter any confidence you have in yourself.

This is a deeply unhealthy relationship and will cause you so much harm.

'He already criticises my parenting, saying I’m too loud when we’re playing or that I need to be stricter.'

Please tell us that he is not the father of your child/children ?!

You live together - where ?
in a property one or both of you has bought / mortgaged ?
or in a rental ?

He sounds like a negging twat. Why? To make himself feel better?

He doesn’t cook yet he criticises you? What a fucking cheek. I’d be tempted to lamp him with a frying pan - or just never ever cook again. Or the next time he says anything critical, tell him to take over. And mean it.

he sounds horrible. He’s supposed to make your life better, op - does he?

@itsprobablyjustaphrase this, all day long

I only do my makeup 1/2 times a week, during summer holidays I'll probably do it once lol. But I will happily sit and spend 2 hours doing it. It's therapeutic to me, and I really really enjoy it. Tell him you're not doing it for him, or anyone else and if he doesn't like it he can do one.

No one is perfect but that’s not the issue. Fir every crooked foot there is a crooked shoe. He should think you are perfect for him. And treat you that way.

If you say back to him. « Yeah, I really hate the way you do your hair and beard. Why do you have it done that way just looks weird. You don’t need to have hair cuts do you? »

I'd be criticising him for his every move.

See how he likes it.

My guess would be he wouldn't be able to handle it at all.

You know its cruel clearly.
So why are you staying with someone you know is cruel to you?

You don't have children.
He is deliberately abusive.
Do not inflict him on children.

@Burntlemon

Sadly it appears there is a child or children in the home as the Op said

' He already criticises my parenting, saying I’m too loud when we’re playing or that I need to be stricter. '

hopefully he is not the father