Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

[itsprobablyjustaphrase]

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

Everything you’ve said about him suggests he is a nasty, controlling piece of shit.

Control often starts with something simple like makeup.

this sounds ever so daily mail ad revenue.
Clicky clicky.

OP, wear make up like a terrible tart.
Slap that shit on with a spade.
Don't stop until you have a very obvious neckline where the foundation peters off.
Lips huge and succulent.
Man scared of/aroused by face.
Job done.

I really think you should leave him

he is showing you the thin edge of control you will be miserable in the long term - never doing anything right

Can you imagine how awful it would be to raise kids with this soulsucker?

Op, this is abuse. Constantly criticising you to wear you down. Implying you are weak, stupid, crazy or overreacting. Constantly finding something else to nag you about. You end up frightened to do anything incase it sets him off.

He's doing this deliberately FYI. It's not unintentional. Next it'll be 'you're dolling yourself up for other men!' accusations. And little digs about your body. Or how he doesn't like your friends/family. Comments about women on TV or exs and how they look better in xyz/behave better than you etc...

Telling you you can't 'take a joke'.
Ruining every special occasion and holiday by being generally shit...

It all spirals.

Get out now.

Angry much

THIS!

He's either deeply insecure or hugely arrogant enough to need to put you down to feel superior. These kind of men chip away at your self esteem until you feel a husk of yourself and second guess every decision you make.

I bet he a) doesn't take even mild criticism from you well b) would do exactly what he wanted in a given situation even if it put you out and c) would get annoyed if you said no to him about anything.

Please OP dump him NOW!! If you don't, you will go on to live a miserable life with this controlling arsehole, and in another couple of years will be a shell of your former self, scared to look at a man for fear of being accused of wanting to shag him. Scared to offer an opinion. You will be walking on eggshells, and find it so much harder to break away from him, because he will literally have robbed you of every tiny bit of confidence that you ever had. Get rid of him, and be YOURSELF! If he doesn't like you as you are, why doesn't he go and look elsewhere.

Sounds like my cousins abusive husband. Sadly he successfully cut her off from all of us.

I did her wedding makeup and he kicked off massively about it. She looked so beautiful and he hated it. Because he knew he was punching WELL ABOVE his weight, and wanted her to look like shit so that no other man would try to take her.

She bought into his abuse and has become slowly more dowdy and less "her" over the years.

This is not a keeper. You need to get rid and start again with a man who says "WOW!!!" when you walk in not "Get that crap off your face".

This is all about him and his insecurities.

Please wise up.

This will get worse.

You've been told already many times on this thread that he's controlling about makeup. Now it's clothes. Bet there's an alphabet of things he picks over about you.

Don't be a fool. Finish this now.

He’s chipping away at your spirit where you will be too frightened to do anything.
His constant criticism will leave you walking on eggshells if you aren’t already.
Get out now while you can as it will get worse.

If he hates makeup, he has every right not to wear it. And you have every right to wear it if you like it.

Speaking as someone who ignored red flags and went on to be married for 2 decades to a controlling abuser, please leave and don't look back. It only gets worse.

@itsprobablyjustaphrase It’s ok to not take all criticism. There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to take all criticism on board. It’s up to you to decide what criticism is worth taking on board and what criticism is worth dismissing or rejecting.

There is a big difference between constructive criticism (which is useful to take on board) and criticism that is about tearing you down or chipping away at your self esteem/self confidence or to just make you look or feel bad (which is not useful to take on board).

Someone once advised me that when it comes to criticism, before you take it on board, evaluate it. Ask yourself: is this criticism warranted, do I actually deserve this criticism? Can this criticism actually help me to improve or to do something in a better way or solve a problem? In other words, is it constructive, helpful or useful? What is the person criticising me trying to achieve? Are they trying to help me, hurt me, or just make themselves look better by making me look worse?

He is controlling you and it will only get worse. You need to have serious discussions over this but if he isn’t prepared to.change you need to end the relationship.

I've known a couple of men who said this to their partners. The make up looked fine, they just didn't want their partners going out looking nice. It is controlling.

He sounds absolutely awful. It’s better to be in your own than with a twat. Do yourself a favour and get rid!

I’m putting some makeup on right now, as I have done every day for decades. No one is criticising. Freedom!

More red flags than the Communist party conference.
Dump him.
Dump him now.

Dump him before his controlling ways mean that he dictate how you look, what you wear, where you go, how ofter (if ever) you see your family and friends.

He sounds tedious. You need to learn to stick up for yourself or bin him. He will grind you down!

Op, leave this man. I mean it. I had one of these- didn’t like me putting makeup on, but had it as the thinly veiled “I like you natural”. Which is wild because I was only wearing a bit of mascara- hardly looked like a glamour model 🤦‍♀️

Well, I wish I’d listened to my gut feeling about that. It was the tip of the iceberg. He was a controlling, lying narcissist (I know that gets bandied around on here but he’s the only person I could truly describe as that).
So I mean it- just leave him. Your partner should be lifting you up, not continuously bringing you down.

Don't let him move in with you, ever

If you like how you look, then ignore him or bin him.
What you wear whether it is clothes or makeup is your choice. If he's not accepting your choices then he's trying to change you, and that's a big no no.
I put up with man like that myself when I was younger.. Knowing what I know now, I would up and leave at the very first hint of that behaviour from someone now.

Edited for typos.

He sounds controlling, if you stop wearing makeup, what else will it be your clothes, going out, what friendships you should have? Make it quite clear, it is you decision whether you apply makeup or not, wherever you go or what you are doing and if he makes further comment and cant accept that, then the relationship will end. This is not about not accepting criticism, this is all about control.