Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

[itsprobablyjustaphrase]

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

Unfortunately @itsprobablyjustaphrase the make-up talk is a classic in the abusers playbook. You should tell him your face, your business and change nothing.

BUT if he is an abuser, he won't back down. It'll go on.

Go to a make up counter and ask what they think? I'm sure they will tell you, you are hardly wearing anything... how can you be wrongly applying mascara, or lipstick... its not rocket science.. he's talking utter crap.

As for the cooking comments etc..

Imagine how you'd feel putting up with this for another 20 years.

You are in an abusive relationship with a controlling nasty arsehole.

It will get a lot worse until you are a shell.

Get out.
NEVER inflict him on children.

He's a very bad man.
Get away while you can.

I think you might be with my EX! He always knew better, and when he didn’t he would
try convince me that I had been wrong initially and he has said/done whatever I had been correct about and my opinion had been his. At first I found it frustrating, then I started to second guess myself until I started making notes on my phone to refer back to…. That’s when I realised he was very subtly controlling me.

Tell him you'll wear what you want and to never mention it again.
And mean it.
Absolutely
100%

Serif my dh told me not to wear make up i would be like ' ah so sad too bad, its staying on'
( not that he would or has in 35 years!)

Run like Mo Farah. I had an ex-husband like this.

Agree!

This is called negging and is a form of control.
Please leave this man. It will only escalate.
He's deeply insecure and wishes to control you. He wants to do this by eroding your self esteem by constantly criticising you so you become dependant on his validation. He doesn't want you to wear makeup because he doesn't want you to feel pretty or to get any attention or compliments, both out of jealousy and possessiveness but also so your self esteem is further dented. Goes hand in hand in trying to get you to feel embarrassed about wearing a crop top etc... he wants you covered up and bare faced and he wants you to de value yourself and all you do so you will be at his mercy because you'll feel grateful for any attention he gives you.

Just get rid. Listen to all the women on this thread who've experienced similar. It just gets worse. There's no appeasing men like this. Your life will become a misery.

You don’t have to justify wearing makeup. Also, six months of this constant criticism? I’d go to a cosmetics store and buy myself a huge box of numerous kinds of makeup this weekend.

I’m sure you look beautiful anyway. However it’s up to you if you wear makeup. Lots of girls do.

It’s whatever you feel comfortable with xxx

I'd be gone long before this..

It sounds like he’s controlling. As others said, tell him you will continue using makeup because you like to.

Then see how he responds.

It’s not about your make up. It’s control. He’s dominating and asserting himself
Posters are spectacular missing point , it’s not about colours,or application Literally doesn’t matter . He’s a bully who’s chipping away at your self worth. Get the fuck away from this boorish bully before you end up broken and disheartened

It’s the start of being controlling.

There’s a great perfume from Lush called KARMA. He’ll probably hate it.

This really isn’t about colour palette or application. He’s a dominant bully trying to berate you. Using make up as an excuse

@itsprobablyjustaphrase bit of a red flag for the future! becoming controlling!

If he hasn’t directly criticised your makeup, he might just prefer a more natural look but that’s not his decision. Unless he’s a makeup expert, he probably can’t tell the difference when natural-style makeup is done well. It’s fine for him to have a preference, but criticising how you do your makeup isn’t OK. He can have opinions, but the final choice is yours.

Not relevant here, though.

Also : not the same as “don’t wear cheap shoes or a beard” are arguably about sexual attractiveness to the woman. Don’t wear makeup is associated with humiliating, controlling, and socially isolating the woman in order to make it less likely that she will attract male attention and be able to cheat or leave.

He sounds awful.

I think you know what needs to be done

He says you can't take criticism but carries on criticising you. Do you think he does this because he's a kind supportive person? Or maybe he's an insecure knob.

Well, you could stop wearing make up. You could ask him before you go out if he's OK with the top you're wearing or if he'd prefer you to change into something more modest. You could take more care when relaxing at home or going to bed to make sure your clothes were on perfectly at all times. You could listen very carefully to his opinion and change everything about yourself that wasn't to his preference. Or you could free yourself to wear what you like, when you like, and maybe in time start dating one of the millions of men who wouldn't dream of telling you what to do, and would appreciate you exactly as you are. Tough choice isn't it?

Op it’ll only get worse if you marry him one day, you will never be able to
anything right!! Please dump him he sounds awful, you can do better

what You’ve described is the start of a coercive and controlling relationship