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Original poster

Boyfriend doesn’t want me to wear makeup “hates it”

258 replies

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 22:30

My boyfriend of 2 years has started making comments about me wearing makeup. I’ve never worn a lot of makeup, just some concealer, mascara and fill my brows in. Sometimes, if we’re going out I will put more makeup on, maybe some blush or eyeliner but it never takes me more than 5 minutes! It’s not a lot at all. I have nothing against people who like to do their makeup, I think it looks lovely on people, I just don’t have the skill or patience to do it.

Since Christmas he has been saying:

“You don’t need makeup”
“I prefer you without makeup”
“Your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, look at this line”
“Why are you putting make up on you’re going the shop!”
“Why are you painting your face?”
“You don’t need all that”
“I hate it when you wear lipstick”
“Your lipstick is wonky”
“you don’t need all that on your face”

I wear makeup because I don’t like my bare face, it does feel like a security blanket to have some mascara on to open up my eyes a bit. I’ve always worn it, with or without a boyfriend.

Part of me thinks he’s doing it to be nice, but the other half thinks he’s being nasty?

I don’t know why this has suddenly become an issue. But it’s making me feel a bit down.

Aibu to think it’s quite mean?

OP posts:
JustAboutHangingInThere · 21/06/2025 23:06

Listen to the half of you that thinks he’s being mean….he is being mean, he is controlling and micromanaging you. You deserve better. When someone shows you who they are take notice 🚩🚩🚩

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/06/2025 23:08

Kimwestonhelpless · 21/06/2025 22:49

Now you're second guessing yourself be of mr.hypercritical if you stop the makeup to appease him give it a wee while and it'll be something else.
Walking on eggshells to appease is no way to live.

Show quote history

I agree with this. Do you like it? Does it make you feel good? Then wear it. Don't let others make you doubt yourself or bring you down.

JustSawJohnny · 21/06/2025 23:08

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 22:38

He is quite critical generally.

when I’m cooking he’ll tell me what to do, what to add etc. even though he’ll never cook.

he says things like “your t shirt is the wrong way round” even if I’m just going to bed in it.

when it was hot today he said going out in a crop top is like going out in a bra.

i am sensitive though and he’s said before I can’t take criticism.

He sounds insecure and controlling.

You'd be doing yourself a huge favour to end this now and move on.

Men like this don't magically transform into good, supportive partners.

Kimwestonhelpless · 21/06/2025 23:08

Alucard55 · 21/06/2025 23:05

Just end the relationship. He's shown you who and what he is, everyone here is telling you who and what he is. If you continue on with this nonsense then it's your own fault. Take some control of your own life.

Op latest update christ how could anyone live like that.
As you rightly said everyone is saying the same.
Op two pages with god knows how many years of life experience between the pp all saying the same.

ElleintheWoods · 21/06/2025 23:09

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 22:38

He is quite critical generally.

when I’m cooking he’ll tell me what to do, what to add etc. even though he’ll never cook.

he says things like “your t shirt is the wrong way round” even if I’m just going to bed in it.

when it was hot today he said going out in a crop top is like going out in a bra.

i am sensitive though and he’s said before I can’t take criticism.

Sounds like a miserable way to live, darling.

I don’t know you at all but despite that I can tell you with 100% certainty you can do better.

If he loved you, he’d find these things endearing. It’s been only 2 years and you’re already at the stage where you can’t stand each other and he is trying to change you.

Whether it’s alone or with someone else, guaranteed you’ll have a better life away from where this situation is headed, which is him eating away at your self worth every single day and dimming your spark.

OleanderJacaranda · 21/06/2025 23:09

MartinBishopsbum · 21/06/2025 22:35

Next it will be your clothes, then friends, then family, slippery slope
I would nip this in the bud right now, its controlling and I would be leaving him if he didn't stop
Put your makeup on, remember who the fuck you are and stand up to him

I agree - it’s the start of a control spiral.

whynotmereally · 21/06/2025 23:10

He’s an abusive arse. You will be much better off without him,

HansHolbein · 21/06/2025 23:10

Fuck that. And fuck everything else he does too. Get rid.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/06/2025 23:12

Devianinc · 21/06/2025 22:53

I had a friend that kept using an orange base foundation and constantly told her it didn’t match her skin tone, she looked like a pumpkin but doesn’t listen and still looks like a pumpkin. Maybe have a makeup consultation at a good boutique or expensive venue and just see what they recommend. You also might 100’s times better without makeup and you just don’t see it in yourself. Maybe he thinks look gorgeous natural but it’s all what you want, not him so do what you want, not what what he wants and that makes you comfortable. I always put on a light foundation when going out to get small things taken care of. I don’t like my face bare but in my younger days I did.

It doesn't sound like it's just about him not liking make up (even though he liked her if she wore it when they first got together?)
Sounds like he's criticising other stuff and making her second guess herself as well.

itellstalez · 21/06/2025 23:13

TinyTempest · 21/06/2025 22:31

Tell him you'll wear what you want and to never mention it again.

And mean it.

This is the only answer. Actually my DP would tell me in the beginning that he prefers me without makeup. Now he would never dream of mentioning it because I blasted him big time over it.

OleanderJacaranda · 21/06/2025 23:13

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 22:38

He is quite critical generally.

when I’m cooking he’ll tell me what to do, what to add etc. even though he’ll never cook.

he says things like “your t shirt is the wrong way round” even if I’m just going to bed in it.

when it was hot today he said going out in a crop top is like going out in a bra.

i am sensitive though and he’s said before I can’t take criticism.

He sounds awful. Get another boyfriend and as soon as the new one is critical, nip it in the bud. This is not you being sensitive. He’s a control freak and it only gets worse.

Dillydollydingdong · 21/06/2025 23:13

Tell him you don't like him wearing shoes and he's got to stop

OneLoudTiger · 21/06/2025 23:13

Ditch the man, wear the make up and embrace being sensitive. A true partner will love you for you.

zaicandy · 21/06/2025 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OleanderJacaranda · 21/06/2025 23:14

itellstalez · 21/06/2025 23:13

This is the only answer. Actually my DP would tell me in the beginning that he prefers me without makeup. Now he would never dream of mentioning it because I blasted him big time over it.

Show quote history

Clear rules, firm boundaries. It’s the only way.

Jewel52 · 21/06/2025 23:16

outerspacepotato · 21/06/2025 22:36

He's controlling and he's negging you to make you feel bad when you wear makeup. If you like yourself and feel prettier with it on, that's fine.

Do you tell him what to wear? Do you insult his wardrobe and try to put him down?

That's what he's doing to you. It sounds like you wear a very natural look but he doesn't like it and he's insulting you to get you to stop.

Exactly this, he wants you to accept his rules on your appearance. If you fall into line on this, It’ll move on to phase 2, the next thing he wants to change about you. He’s training you - slowly but surely to lose yourself. This is an assault on your confidence and self esteem.

Tell him you’re happy with your make up and appearance and don’t want any further criticism from him. If he ignores your request, you know his game and it’s time to move on. Much easier to get out in the early stages before his hooks are attached

SomethingDifferentBloomed · 21/06/2025 23:17

He’s said before I can’t take criticism.

🚩🚩🚩🚩

This is how it starts, with little digs and testing your boundaries over seemingly innocuous stuff, making out you are the problem. Run for the hills OP.

ThisChic · 21/06/2025 23:20

minipie · 21/06/2025 22:33

Well your OP says you wear concealer mascara and brows only. But your BF mentions foundation and lipstick. Which is it?

Ultimately it’s your face, your choice and he should be more tactful. But maybe your foundation/lipstick does look a bit too obvious and need a rethink?

It doesn’t matter how much she weird, it’s not her boyfriend choice

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/06/2025 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How do you know that? (Also troll hunting is against the MN guidelines, so report if you think so instead of casting aspersions on the thread)
Not that MN will give a shit, they seem to let stuff like that slide nowadays from personal experience)
I have a friend who had a boyfriend who did stuff like this OP's boyfriend - criticise clothing etc
It never usually ends just there. Then it'll be "bad influence" friends who they end up getting alienated from (in other words those of us who saw through his bull)
I'd rather comment on the off chance it's someone who genuinely needs help.

Jewel52 · 21/06/2025 23:21

Devianinc · 21/06/2025 22:53

I had a friend that kept using an orange base foundation and constantly told her it didn’t match her skin tone, she looked like a pumpkin but doesn’t listen and still looks like a pumpkin. Maybe have a makeup consultation at a good boutique or expensive venue and just see what they recommend. You also might 100’s times better without makeup and you just don’t see it in yourself. Maybe he thinks look gorgeous natural but it’s all what you want, not him so do what you want, not what what he wants and that makes you comfortable. I always put on a light foundation when going out to get small things taken care of. I don’t like my face bare but in my younger days I did.

Are you really this obtuse? Do you actually think that a partner who’s criticising her make up, clothing and cooking is doing so out of good taste? Seriously, wake up

Aria2015 · 21/06/2025 23:21

My gut when I read your post was that he's one of those men that doesn't like their girlfriend / wife looking good because it makes them insecure. They'll often tell their partners makeup, certain clothes etc... don't suit them, they prefer them another way. The reason I thought that is the way he's going about it, he's putting you down and criticising you. Another technique to undermine your confidence because you being confident undermines theirs.

I know some posters have said he could be pointing out poorly applied makeup, this is possible, but I feel like if this was genuinely the issue then he'd be more gentle about it because his motivation would be to help you, rather than make you feel bad.

SpryUmberZebra · 21/06/2025 23:21

itsprobablyjustaphrase · 21/06/2025 22:38

He is quite critical generally.

when I’m cooking he’ll tell me what to do, what to add etc. even though he’ll never cook.

he says things like “your t shirt is the wrong way round” even if I’m just going to bed in it.

when it was hot today he said going out in a crop top is like going out in a bra.

i am sensitive though and he’s said before I can’t take criticism.

And yet your priority is to go to the makeup counter to change your makeup for him?

OneFineDay22 · 21/06/2025 23:21

He definitely sounds controlling from your update. The make up thing is a red herring. My husband doesn’t like a full make up look, so he’d never ask a woman out who had that look. Why would you get into a relationship and then start picking at someone like that? And your update is worse. It sounds like he’s trying to wear you down.

millymollymoomoo · 21/06/2025 23:23

He’s a controlling twat. Get rid !

Gymnopedie · 21/06/2025 23:24

i am sensitive though and he’s said before I can’t take criticism.

Put that thought right out of your head, right now.

You are not sensitive, he's an arsehole. Any of us here would be upset by those comments, not just you.

And what he means by you not taking criticism is that you (a) do get upset and (b) don't immediately kowtow to his demands. When he says those things he expects you change what you're doing to please him.

PPs are right, this starts with makeup and will move to your clothes. He'll tell you he doesn't like your friends and expect you to ditch them. Then it will be your family. He'll say he doesn't like you going out and expect you to stay at home. Until you're a shell of yourself who daren't do anything that he doesn't like.

Get rid of him and his controlling behaviour while you can, before he wears you down to a point where you feel you have no choice but to stay with him in a miserable life.