Disappointed in DH's reaction

[Roundandround1985]

Not sure if i am being used reasonable or if DH has a point. I may be slightly blinkered

A friend and I at work both balloted for the London marathon. He's a runner and I have been saying for ages I need to start running again and get mt weight under control. To my surprise, we both got in (hence massive panic and lots of goggling on training plans!)

Told DH what had happened and he laughed, basically said I was too unfit to do it, didn't have the body or the discipline or the diet for it etc

When we were talking about it more today, he said i was silly for even considering it. It would be a lot of time and effort away from him and the kids and then it turned into an argument about how I can't keep the house tidy but want to train for a marathon.

The house tidy comment came from the fact that a cupboard isn't as tidy as it should be and I'd left a pile of washing on a bed that I hadn't had chance to put away.

The comments about time away from him is laughable as he goes to football every Saturday during the season, home and away games and I never say anything. He also has various trips away with mates for 4-5 days at a time and again i say nothing

When i said I would be do a lot of the running before work (I wfh 3 days and the youngest starts school in September) so if I am up at 5am I can do a good run on the treadmill quite a few mornings.

I don't know if I'm blinkered about being able to do this or if DH has a point.

Your husband is lazy and selfish and clearly unhappy that you might actually do something for yourself instead of being on call to do his bidding.

A lot of park runs have a 2.5K option, so you could start doing that regularly on a Saturday morning and build up to 5K. And you’d still have time to take the manchild to football if you felt like it after.

It’s time for him to step up, or for you to start planning your escape alongside your marathon training. Losing 80kg of man can do wonders for your self esteem and the amount of housework you actually have to do. And the blissful peace of not hearing him put you down of an evening is not to be underestimated.

Do your marathon. You’ve lots of time to prepare.

Well OP. Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your precious and hopefully long life with? I know I wouldn't. He doesn't even seem to like you. Imagine a nice, calm life surrounded by positivity... you could have that. Good luck in the marathon.

Your husband doesn't like you OP.

So you both work full time, but the messy cupboard is because you want to start training, not cos he's out all the time?

And then you'll be expecting him to look after his own children whilst you up the training I bet? He might even have to curtail his social life on occasion.

God forbid.

And you said your hoping to lose weight, regain your body confidence and feel happier about yourself in general? I mean lord above, what kind of husband would support that!

He's a dick.

The cupboard is really him scraping around for something to say, as justification for why he doesn't want you to train for the marathon! It's ridiculous. I'm sure he's perfectly capable of sorting out a cupboard if he's that bothered about it. But it's not about the cupboard!

So we tried talking last night (well I tried) and he basically said hes complaining at the moment we don't get enough time together and then I want to throw a marathon into it and if I do it I end up risking our marriage and family

There was then an incident at dinner (can't even remember what now) which sent him into a tirade of abuse in front of the kids, called a lazy p*, c** a few other choice words and hasn't really spoken to me since.

Yes I have bigger problems than just the marathon issue.

If hes so worried about you losing out on time together why isn’t her cutting down on his hobbies and time away from the family?

There’s definitely more to this like you’ve said.

Time to get your running shoes on and do a Forest Gump.

Well there’s no doubting he is abusive now. Verbal abuse, threats (that you’ll somehow not have a marriage or a family if you start running), the silent treatment in an attempt to make you comply. Have you ever done the freedom programme? That would be a good place for you to start and you can do it online. You should also read why does he do that.

He called you lazy?? If he's complaining about not spending enough time as a couple, why doesn't he stop going to football matches every Saturday?

His sweary outburst in front of the kids is absolutely unacceptable. You need to try and leave this awful man/marriage.

Hope all this is making you more determined to run this marathon! It would me!

If you don’t get enough time together now then he is the one that needs to cut back massively on his hobbies and then you reassess so you both get equal time for yourselves.

He doesn’t want that though does he. He just wants to do the bare minimum with the family and household and you pick it all up as default.

So he’s a hypocrite.

It’s perfectly ok for him to have time to do what he wants to do but you can’t do the same to train for a marathon.

How much of that time he does what he wants includes spending time with you?

I’m guessing very little.

Your poor emotionally abused children, witnessing the verbal abuse of their mother.

Indeed the marathon is just the trigger for him to not tolerate any loss of control of you.

You need to contact Women's aid for you and your children's sake.

Talk to family and friends.
You need to take his abuse of you all very seriously.

This is house terrorism, and Coercive control, which is a crime.

What you witnessed is narcissistic rage, at the thought of you doing ANYTHING for yourself.

He is a dangerous unhinged man.
Reach out for support.
Domestic abuse organisations are there for women snd children like you.

I have to work any work travel around his work and do later flights (which are massively inconvenient!) Just so he doesn't have to go into work an hour later (his boss is fine with it as he has kids etc dh just doesn't want to)

Please dont do that in future, don't make your life more difficult just because he doesn't want to do what a father should do.

In light of your further post re. him swearing in front of the children, yes you have bigger problems.

Look back over your relationship, how many instances of him being an arsehole are there and has it increased over time?

He’s is a TWAT

Your life will be so much easier without him. Think of how much time you’ll have to train if you have every other week to yourself while he does his 50% share of custody. Your husband really does not like you.

I probably should have been more time specific on my original post and used kinder language (not used deluded). But I was really trying to convey the huge effort and time commitment a marathon requires (I have also done many, i just used my most recent as an example). Having said that, why shouldn't the Op at least try and do it.

In my defence and in my opinion @Lins77 , a marathon of longer than 5 hours, 30 minutes is a pace of 12:37min/mile. That is a fast walk (the average moderate walking speed is 15min/mile).
However as i now state that is not really the point. My point was to convey the huge time and effort commitment if you intend to "run" a marathon.

I think this is beside the point! Her husband should be supporting her, especially given the time he spends on his hobbies.

He's a prick. You are perfectly capable, you know this. But please considering running the hell away from this relationship.

Have I missed something? You cook on Sunday and your husband cooks on 2 to 3 nights. Who does the other 3 to 4 nights?

Taking up running will ruin your marriage?
No. He is the one ruining your marriage.
I won't repeat all the reasons people have already mentioned. but you know he's in the wrong.

It appears you've put your self last in this family. DH is just feeling insecure, don't ask why. It's a man thing. Get your self together, get fit and go do your marathon. Good Luck!

What does he do outside the football seasonon a Saturday? He could look after the children whilst you train.

He’s not feeling insecure, he’s just a nasty asshole.