Would this have offended you? DP comment in shop

[Heath78]

DP and I were doing a shop yesterday afternoon and walked down an aisle where we passed a woman who was picking something up for her child. She was in these sort of tight fitting trousers which were very flattering for her admittedly lovely backside.

When we passed and were out of earshot, DP turned to me and asked if I could buy trousers like that. I asked if he knew what the style was called and he said he didn’t , but he ‘just liked the view’.

He knows I am slightly self conscious with my weight, and wouldn’t wear anything really tight.

I suppose what I’m asking is, I think he wasn’t making an observation at her fashion choice, but was being sleazy about her appearance and made me feel bad in the process. Would you have been offended at this too?

What is the important context in the OP's post that I have missed?

I refer you to the post you quoted. Especially these two sections:

a) I'm not going to repeat myself (apologies that I am doing so now, but you basically asked me to) and
b) you don't seem to remember what I actually said

Why are you pretending you haven’t been relentlessly commenting?

You are the most bizarrely hypocritical person I have come across on here. You really think the sun shines out of your behind.

Let flip this for a minute. You see a fit looking bloke in a nice outfit and whilst you and your partner admire the view, you turn to DP and ask if he could buy an outfit like that because you loved the look on the bloke? I don't know many men out there that could swallow that. No you're not being unreasonable!!!

I remember you saying

He thinks that his OHs bum would look just as good

I don't remember you explaining why you asserted that.

The OP doesn't say that in her post.

Why not?

If he saw a nice car and said "you should get one like that lady was driving" would you think it was offensive?

They're just clothes . . And the OP was checking the woman out as well. . .

They're not just clothes.

They're a style of tight trousers that draws attention to a woman's bum.

Count my comments and count yours and you’ll find you’ve commented more.
Excellent use of DARVO once again though. Bravo 👏🏼

So .. do you think he wanted her to get those trousers because he thought she wouldn't look as good in them?

That's much harder to explain imo!

It's a surprise that an explanation is needed here. But, ok. He chooses to be with her. Ergo he likes her, and that includes liking how she looks. Do you disagree so far? He saw a woman wearing a pair of trousers that looked good - and the first thing he said was that op should get a pair. So it appears as though he saw the trousers and immediately imagined seeing them on the person that he chooses to have in his life, and wanted to make that a reality.

I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to think that he thought op wouldn't look good in them. Can you please explain?

Yes.

Sometimes people say things they don't mean.

Sometimes they do this to be cruel or unpleasant.

Sometimes they use language that reinforces this, like saying "I was enjoying the view" when they are supposedly referring just to a pair or trousers.

Sometimes people notice this cruelty and say things like:

I think he wasn’t making an observation at her fashion choice, but was being sleazy about her appearance and made me feel bad in the process.

Ok. So if he was saying it to be cruel, why didn't he lead with that? Why did he lead with telling her that she should get some? Why was it only when she pushed him to explain what he meant that he said it?

I know more men that are clumsy at giving compliments than bad at being cruel.

Maybe our different opinions are a reflection of the kind of people we know?

Urm, so you went through the thread and counted up all my comments and all your comments and are using that as evidence that you don't care, don't have time for this and it's not that deep.

I haven't actually but I’m quite confident you’ve commented more than me.

I don't know. I wasn't there.

I am asserting it as a possibility, based on the only facts we know.

It's you who are claiming that he thought she'd look good in the trousers, despite no-one saying that.

And she didn't "push him to explain what he meant". She asked if he knew what the style was called.

His answer was that he didn't, he was just enjoying the view.

Not the trousers, the view.

So he's telling her he's enjoying looking at another woman's bum in the trousers, not that he likes the trousers. The OP found that sleazy. I find it sleazy. You don't have to find it sleazy if you don't want, but you shouldn't make up things that the OP hasn't said

"but you shouldn't make up things that the OP hasn't said"

Pot... Kettle.... 🤣

Again, unwilling to engage with the points made. We see you.

Oh, and I see your hypocrisy, loud and clear! I'm not telling you to not do things that I'm doing. You are the one that seem to think you can tell me what I shouldn't do, while doing the same thing yourself.

I have already explained why I have said what I said. I don't know why you want me to keep repeating myself. And you have also read things into the situation (you know, the subtle nuanced things), and you have said the op has said things that she absolutely didn't, but for some reason it's only when I do it that it's a problem?

Yeah, look all you like, it's a great view from there!

Again, ignoring the points.

Just enjoying the view, right?

I didn't ignore anything. I just don't see the point in going over things that I've already addressed, when I have nothing new to add.

Its interesting that you are accusing me of ignoring the points you keep making (and that I have already addressed) but you aren't doing anything to address points that I have made re: your hypocrisy.

"I was just enjoying the view."

You keep ignoring this sleazy phrase, said by the OP's partner to her about a strange woman's bum. I've double-checked. You just haven't mentioned it.

Do all the nice, loving guys you know say things like this to their partners?

Nope. I haven't ignored it. I actually addressed it quite early on, and have referred back to what I said since then.

How very strange. There was no mention at all when I checked. Perhaps you could post a link. It seems to have completely disappeared!

No, it's still there.

Maybe you aren't as good at understanding nuance as you think! (Although it's pretty clear what I meant)

Oh, hang on.

I apologise. I've found it.

I think I missed it the first time because it makes no sense. Nevertheless, my mistake.

You say

What he was trying to say was 'your arse would look great in those trousers'. Yes, it was clumsy. But trying to make out like what he was saying was 'phwooarrr, check out the buns on her' with no context is disingenuous.

What I am trying to make out is that he said exactly what the OP says he said, not your interpretation of it.

He said "I was just enjoying the view." To his partner. About another woman's bum in tight trousers that he spotted while out shopping.

Sleazy.

Ha - you also said this:

So if you saw someone wearing something that you thought the person you were with would look great in, you wouldn't tell the person you were with? Because that's what happened.

Also unburdened by the facts. This isn't what happened. What happened was he said

"I was just enjoying the view."