Would this have offended you? DP comment in shop

[Heath78]

DP and I were doing a shop yesterday afternoon and walked down an aisle where we passed a woman who was picking something up for her child. She was in these sort of tight fitting trousers which were very flattering for her admittedly lovely backside.

When we passed and were out of earshot, DP turned to me and asked if I could buy trousers like that. I asked if he knew what the style was called and he said he didn’t , but he ‘just liked the view’.

He knows I am slightly self conscious with my weight, and wouldn’t wear anything really tight.

I suppose what I’m asking is, I think he wasn’t making an observation at her fashion choice, but was being sleazy about her appearance and made me feel bad in the process. Would you have been offended at this too?

He didn't say he liked the trousers, he said he "was enjoying the view."

The OP says. I think he wasn’t making an observation at her fashion choice, but was being sleazy about her appearance and made me feel bad in the process.

He only said he was admiring the view afterwards - it wasn't his opening line. OP also admits she's insecure about her appearance which is likely putting a slant on how she views things.

But if you want to live your life seeing the worst in everyone, you crack on.

Personally I wouldn't have been offended seeing as his thought was that he would like to see you in them.

I'm really obese and self conscious, and my DP would say and suggest the same. Although I loathe my body, he seems to love it.

I wouldn't buy the trousers as I know my bum would absolutely not look the same, or as good!

It’s not the same though is it because she’s (assuming) a straight women thinking about another women whereas he’s making a comment to his partner about someone else.

I have to say, I would hate to be in a relationship where you can't acknowledge that other people are attractive, or have nice figures, or good taste in clothes.

So, if there are men who would do that, and the OP describes her man doing that and says "I think he wasn’t making an observation at her fashion choice, but was being sleazy about her appearance and made me feel bad in the process", then, no, I am not convinced by his good intent.

I certainly enjoy living my life in a relationship where my partner doesn't tell me what great arses strangers in the supermarket have. Even when it's not the opening line. Especially so if I am insecure about an aspect of my appearance.

That's not what he did though, is it?

They both noticed how nice the trousers looked, and he commented saying he'd like OP to get herself a pair because of how good they looked.

Stop reaching so much, you're going to do yourself an injury

That's fine. As I said, you do you.

But op also acknowledges that she has body issues, so this will impact how she interprets it. And unless it's a very new relationship, if that's the kind of person he is, she would be aware that's what he's like, and know for sure that's what he meant.

As I said - context is important.

And how about him being aware of what she's like? A kind partner, knowing she had body issues, wouldn't draw attention to a pair of trousers that looked great on a more conventionally attractive bum, would he? What about that context?

Clue: the phrase "enjoying the view" does not refer to a pair of trousers. He was not referring to how nice the trousers looked.

Of course he was, which is why he asked OP to get herself a pair.

A kind partner would absolutely tell their other half that they think someone would look great on them, especially knowing they have body issues.

Not by saying how great someone else's bum looks.

I think it's creepy and objectifying. Shopping trips with my dp generally involve no comments on anyone's bum, mine or other women's.

Honestly, I’m surprised he’s brave enough to say a single thing to you with how determined you are to twist things and be offended. Poor bloke probably can’t even breathe too hard without accusations.

I probably would have felt a pang of insecurity too. Maybe next time you see an attractive man in swimmers, say to DH could you buy some of those, because I'm really enjoying the view. Chances are, it would go down like a sack of crap.

YANBU
He needs to keep those thoughts to himself
1 he was ogling her 100%
2 who the f does he think he is telling you to get some.of those trousers. I would be massively offended and I'm quite thick skinned. LOve me for who I am, what I look like and what I choose to wear. We are not wearing something to please men. Just F OFF

Oh behave yourself. This is a ridiculous reach of a comment even by mumsnet standards.

I would hate to be in a relationship where my partner blatantly eyes up other women but we’re all different I suppose 😁

No, it’s a ridiculous reach to think that saying he wants OP to buy trousers is perverted and saying he prefers other women.

And, as for the bizarre ignorance of pretending you and your partner don’t notice other people… if you’re saying you don’t then you’re a liar and if you’re saying he doesn’t then he’s one too.

So it’s fine if he does it as long as he’s dishonest too? Sounds like a fantastic relationship

I know it might be hard for you to comprehend here but some people really only have eyes for one person at a time. Just because your partner checks other women out and you pretend to be ok with it, doesn’t mean that happens in every relationship.
And your misogyny is showing if you think I’m being some sort of ball buster who doesn’t let my husband look at other women…

Ok. You can keep on living in ignorant bliss that your husband doesn’t notice other women. I’m perfectly happy being in an honest relationship. Personally, I’m much happier knowing my husband sees other women, notices they exist and still chooses me than hysterically convincing myself that he thinks I’m the only person on the planet - that’s not love, that’s desperation.

You’ve got some pretty big feelings about this and are being weirdly defensive which is screaming insecurity but ok, whatever you have to think to convince yourself 😁

If you genuinely believe he doesn't, you're deluded.