Don’t want Pick Me at our wedding

[BarbourAnne]

I’m a bit hormonal at the moment so may well be unreasonable.

DP has a long standing friend (she’s long-term married) who is a typical pick me girl. Does the same male dominate sport, seen as one of the guys so when she grabs an arse it “doesn’t mean anything” and is generally very outgoing and out there.

Truth be told I’ve never liked her, but keep my distance. She’s the sort who will grope a fella, and then when challenged say it doesn’t mean anything but “I’m sorry if I offended you”. As if you’re the one with the problem not her.

Anyway. We’re now trying to organise a wedding and DP wants her to come. I haven’t seen her for 3 years. It is not a case of I don’t know her, so I don’t want her to come. I actively dislike her. I don’t want her feeling up my groom on our wedding day as “banter”.

He is saying all his other sporting mates are coming, and it will look odd if she isn’t invited. Personally I don’t care. Let it look odd. Or tell everyone I don’t like her so don’t want her there. Make me the bad guy, I don’t care. But this is the price she pays for her behaviour.

I would never tell him who he can and can’t be friends with, but I don’t spend time with her, and I don’t take “that’s just the way she is” or “it doesn’t mean anything she’s married” as a reason for her behaviour.

When I am married will it be ok to go and sit on some male friends lap, grab his arse etc? Of course not.

I would 100% stand firm on this. Tell him you're happy to tell her exactly why she isn't invited if that's what he wants.

I absolutely hate people who behave like that and certainly wouldn't have them at my wedding, upsetting not only me but my guests as well.

Tricky but just say no. The wives and girlfriends will be relieved and you'll be able to relax and not be on edge. Either that or nominate one of your friends to keep an eye on her.

Its ok not to know the latest slang. A “pick me” girl (or person) acts out in an obvious and sometimes sexualized way to gain attention and approval from males in non romantic (ie inappropriate) settings.

“I’m not like the other girls—I’m a cool girl—all my best mates are blokes.” Yawn. What you are, is a sex pest.

I get where your husband is coming from on this if I am honest. It will be him who’s forced out of his hobby for causing awkwardness! It will be him who has to tell people the reason she can’t come - even if they know. So while I agree and wouldn’t want her there you are potentially causing problems for husband within his friend group rather than with her

And do what? Karate chop in between Cool Girl’s hand and the victim’s arse?

Imagine she comes and starts groping the dad of the bride or groom because she’s had a few too many. Who wants that drama.

Gropes a drunk women’s chap and gets a smack in the middle of the dance floor.

Who wants that drama at their wedding

Sorry handsy Hannah you are not invited unless your dh brings you wearing mittens handcuffed behind your back. Then she’s would probably grind down to grab because it’s just harmless banter hehe 🤭

Bye Hannah.

If the man that wanted to marry me couldn't prioritise me on our wedding day then I wouldn't be marrying him.

Doesn't sound like a pick me girl at all. Sounds aggressive and attention seeking and very tiresome and you're not unreasonable to not invite her. Ask your dp if he would be OK with you having a male friend who did this. You know the answer.

How would soon to be dh feel if you started randomly grabbing his mates arses and sitting in their laps? Would that be cool. Since this woman is so lovely and a big friend he must think that behaviour is fine right… right?

May I venture a male opinion? If someone did this to me, I would be telling her in no uncertain terms to stop it. It's disrespectful to my wife, and actually to me too as I wouldn't like it either. If she didn't, then I wouldn't be socialising anymore, sports team or no sports team, friend from school or no friend from school.

The problem is, if the men all laugh it off and maybe make jokes along with how daft their wives are for caring, it might not seem like it to her. I’m not defending her behaviour at all, but why haven’t any of them told her to fuck off? Probably because they all love a little flirt so it blurs the lines if they shrug or laugh it off as ‘silly wives, ignore them’. They all need to collectively tell her to stop and if OPs husband hasn’t done that, he’s a prick.

why will he be forced out of his hobby? because all the other blokes like being groped?

Shove her in a handy fountain? Deliver her to the WAG posse?

Totally on your side, I think most people know at least one person like this. She will find a way to make your day all about her. Not fair. It's not a sports event, it's your wedding. The 'team' can get stuffed.

Madness to excuse it as 'just the way she is'.

So she's allowed to go around sexually assaulting people because it's just the way she is.

Thank god, generally, we no longer accept men grabbing at women as normal because 'that's just the way men are' and boys will be boys.

Why should it be different when it's a woman committing the assault?

I wouldn't want her at my wedding either OP. She sounds awful.

So what if it looks odd if she's left out. She doesn't mind offending people with her inappropriate behaviour so she doesn't deserve that level of consideration.

Would your husband to be want invite a man to his wedding who was highly likely to grope you or your female guests? I somehow doubt it.

Maybe the bridesmaids could take her outside and ritually execute her during the speeches? 😀

It's your wedding day and you shouldn't have to have someone there that makes you feels uncomfortable. A reasonable person would accept that, surely.

Same argument could be said about women who don’t feel comfortable telling a groping man to fuck off and instead grin and clench fists

it doesn’t wash . She will know inappropriate

And who wants to be involved with a sport club that would kick out someone for not inviting a sex pest

sometimes threads make me SO glad for the life I lead…. This being one. Imagine spatting with your fiancé about inviting his friend the sex pest to your wedding!

Nothing you have said suggests she is a Pick Me.
It does suggest she is inappropriate and sexually harasses people.

I think he wants his friends to like me. And by not inviting her they’ll know its come from me. He doesn’t want his mates thinking Im tightly wound. In fact I think most of his friends will be relieved that the risk of drama is averted.

Why should my bridesmaids get the fun?

Maybe all the WAGs could take turns draping themselves over Handsy Hannah’s DH’s lap all evening—complete with a flick of the hair, an arch of the back, and a tinkly laugh… “You’re just so funny, Steve! I wish my George were as funny as you—you’re the complete package—and such a manly man!”

Ad nauseam. All night.

And this are grown assed adults

and not pathetic 5 year olds on a play date ?