To sometimes think that one boy and one girl, around three years apart is the only acceptable family setup?

[theotherdown]

Two of the same sex, two big an age gap, too small an age gap, more than two, only one, all prompt critical comments from somewhere.

Just in case I am accused of saying this is the only acceptable combination, my thread title means ‘the only setup that won’t invite critical comments.’

Pretty boring though isn't it? 😂

What are you on about?

Cue several hundred replies detailing why other combos are perfectly good

Mine are of the same gender and a smaller age gap than you describe. I’ve never encountered negative comments. We must not be mixing in similar circles, OP.

I have 2 of the same, nearly 6 years apart.

love my family set up

I love my combo 15 then 4 then twins are 3 didn't know there was an acceptable combo lol

With respect OP that is a load of nonsense.

I have a boy and a girl 3 years apart. Then another girl and another boy 3 years apart. Does that count?

I thought this was more of a historic thing. I definitely don’t think the “one of each sex” is so much of a thing anymore. Lots of people want two of the same.

Also, I have quite a big age gap between mine, and I don’t think anyone has ever commented on it. Although I do sometimes say quite early on when I meet people that the age gap wasn’t fully within my control. If somebody bothered to judge me for it I’d think they were a bit odd!

I have 2 boys 19 months apart and have NEVER had critical comments about this. I have had comments like 'oh you had your hands full' when people hear the age gap. But thats not critical, it's just a fact!

No, I think you’re being precious.

I think it's seen as the ideal, one of each ,spaced apart. I'm not sure other combinations aren't seen as acceptable though. I think that's a bit of a reach.

Yep definitely! I’ve got 2 boys less than 2 years apart so I constantly get will u try for another for a girl ? Or even worse when u found out the second was a boy I got aw r u disappointed! lol rude ! BIL and SIL had the boy, 3 years later girl and ppl constantly said aw gentlemen’s family thats you all done now ! So weird ! Im
more then happy with my 2 and don’t want anymore !

I don't think the age gap attracts comments but the sex does, I've got two dd's and have had comments about having a boy for dh.

One of them came from the midwife when I was in labour with dd2.

Not that I’ve ever heard.

I have 2 girls and have had numerous people ask if I’m going to try for a boy so I agree somewhat. I’ve never had anyone question the age gap though (4.5 years).

I know people with all sorts of different numbers and combos and I don’t know any that have been criticised for it.

I don’t believe anyone actually cares how many children or what sex anyone else has, unless it’s something really notable like 22 kids and counting.

They might say “oh three boys, must be chaos” or whatever, but they are just clumsily making conversation.

So don’t worry about it.

Two in childcare at once? That’s be expensive. Does that count as being critical?

Sorry, I thought it was fairly clear but I guess not.

Two boys / two girls - ‘Are you going to try again for a girl / boy?’ ‘Oh what a shame’ (yes really.) (if two girls) ‘I bet your husband was disappointed’ (if two boys) ‘I bet you were disappointed.’ Words to that effect.

Only one - what a shame, don’t you worry they’ll be lonely, blah blah.

More than two (especially if the two you have are opposite sex) ‘why are you having another’

Big age gap - don’t you worry they’ll won’t have anything in common, why did you leave it so long.

Small age gap - you’ve got your hands full, haven’t you got a TV …

I was thinking today about it after a discussion in a group, it seems most have had comments of this nature. I haven’t but then I do have the apparently perfect boy / girl / nearly three year gap. I did have comments in pregnancy though about hoping for opposite sex to dc1.

the only setup that won’t invite critical comments

@theotherdown from whom? What sort of comments? It's nobody else's business.

Get better friends.

I have this exact set up and all I seem to get is questions about whether I'm having a third so I think generally people are just rude and intrusive!

we have DSD (full time) 6 year gap untill we had dd1 then 2.5 year gap to ds1, 1.5 years until ds2 and 11months to dd2 and honestly the the boy /girl gap with 2.5 years is our best (easiest) one. Also seems to be a good setup within family and friends

obviously different things work for different family and children have different personalities
but I can believe on average that a boy and girl 3 years apart probably works out well.

I guess the logic with your example would be that you would then get the best of both genders and then as one starts school as you go back after maternity leave.

However any situation comes with its own strengths or weaknesses. There is no one size fits all as families come in all shapes and sizes. I for example couldn't imagine having more than two or having a bigger gap than 23 months. However those things would suit somebody else and wouldn't want my set up.

Why do you care? Do these comments actually make you feel bad?