To sometimes think that one boy and one girl, around three years apart is the only acceptable family setup?

[theotherdown]

Two of the same sex, two big an age gap, too small an age gap, more than two, only one, all prompt critical comments from somewhere.

Just in case I am accused of saying this is the only acceptable combination, my thread title means ‘the only setup that won’t invite critical comments.’

Two girls and I have never had anyone ask if I want to try again for a boy.

From the praise I’ve been given it’s delivering a boy and a girl but from only one pregnancy 😎 that’s what everyone should be aiming for, I’m very clever apparently.

Until my kids actually make a sound, then it’s predominantly negative comments with a sprinkling of beautiful positive comments about how lucky I am to have them.

I have a very large family and I’ve had some shocking comments, generally in front of my children too.

I couldn’t care less. My body, my family, my choice.
We don’t ask for help with them so people can sod off for all I care.

That's weird because that is exactly what our family is, one of each and bang on three years apart.

I've had people asking if I wished dd had got to experience having a sister, or ds a brother.

I've been told that three years gap is too big, they won't have anything in common. I've also been told it was too small and they'd probably fight like cat and dog.

Like most comments recieved by people I don't know that well, I file it under 'codswallop' and forget about it.

There's still time... My 16 year old brother seemed very immature when I was 19, but the gap closed during our twenties and we're close now.

I think same sex is better so an ideal set for me is 2 girls and 2 boys but that's ££££

We just have the one DS and we couldn’t be more blessed!

I was diagnosed with secondary infertility a couple years ago and I’ve have had so many people tell me over the years that having one means he’ll be lonely, and they have no idea what we’ve gone through.

I’m so happy with one though, im meant to be a mum of one 🥰

I can confirm that 2 boys (a little older, but same gap) also squabble! Although, to be fair, they have their loving moments too... easily forgotten when they're winding each other up, though! 🤣

(I also have a baby girl, so it's going to be fun watching her grow up and hold her own against her older brothers... she's already a cheeky little character at 14 months)!

😴😴😴😴

Try having an only boy... The judgement and the comments are 100% real and I'm not imagining it!! I'm from a slightly more conservative/traditional background than maybe some people on here and I think that explains it.
I also seem to encounter a lot of type A mums and dads who have this passion for OPTIMISING everything in their lives, eg making sure birth space is timed to perfection... You feel like there is some overarching corporate roadmap or strategy for their family and they take a rather prurient interest in the family planning choices of those who have deviated from their ideal. And yes, I live in London...
It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but as OP says those words can sting if you are caught off guard at a vulnerable moment.
My mum did things "perfectly" at first, one girl one boy, just under 3 years apart. Then six years later my sister was born. My mum was asked on several occasions if she was an accident!
To make matters worse, my sister and I look similar but have very different complexions - think one with dark hair and olive skin and one with a very Celtic colour palette. More than once people asked my mum quite brazenly "same father"?
Some people have no filter/self-edit mechanism 😂

I think it probably is a thing but a bit less than it used to be. I have 2 boys, almost 8 and 10 and I've had the odd comment about wanting a girl but most people haven't said anything other than "I bet you have your hands full" (Yes, they are crazy!!)

I don't have this setup. Nor does my husband (children from his first marriage). Nor does my DD.

Nobody has ever said a word to them or me on the subject. I think this must be your hobbyhorse.
Typo edits.

Who listens to what some freak thinks of their family set up?

If you haven't noticed in real life yet, just spend some time on this forum. You'll soon realise that anything will bring criticism and be "unacceptable" to at least a few posters.

Plus kids are not robots. Some siblings will be extremely close, others will near hate each other. Sex and age pretty irrelevant.

I have a boy. Pregnant with a girl. People keep telling me how perfect this is that I will have one of each. Seems like a nightmare to me. New space to create. New clothes to buy, new toys to a certain degree, different hobby types.

It may have advantages (for example only one in infant school at a time [or junior or indeed university]). That does not make it the only acceptable family unit.

So - I know this possibly looks quite critical in itself but so many times if gender disappointment is a thing people are told quite firmly not to try for a baby if they want a boy or girl. This is true if opposite sex as well as same sex.

It won’t be a nightmare. But if you genuinely think it is, two children aren’t compulsory!

I have this 'perfect' set up. Clever me.

Such a pity they've always loathed each other.

Since falling pregnant with baby number 3, I’ve had endless comments about how it’s going to be so much harder because we’re not outnumbered! 🤦🏼‍♀️

As others, wondering what your point is? Children's gender isn't something that you can decide.

After 2 sons we decided to have another child, the gender wasn't important (though we rather hoped for a girl). Once I was PG all we were concerned about was the baby's health & my health. The sex of the baby wasn't an issue. But this was 30+ years ago, scans were new & they wouldn't tell you the sex of the baby as couldn't be sure.

Right? My mother and uncle are exactly the same ‘perfect’ gap etc. Most toxic sibling g relationship I’ve ever seen- it lasted until the day one of them died.

When you think about it every advertisement on telly for something family related shows a family with this setup. A girl and a boy roughly 2-3 years apart , a mum and dad.

This is so wrong. You're having a baby isn't that enough?

I would never ask about the gender of the baby.

Parents with teens might claim that adjacent school years or two clear school years between is best - you don't want both children sitting exams in the same summer.

To be fair, that is my exact setup . I felt I needed a 3 year gap and I feel happy and complete I have one of each. However, it's a very personal choice.