To sometimes think that one boy and one girl, around three years apart is the only acceptable family setup?

[theotherdown]

Two of the same sex, two big an age gap, too small an age gap, more than two, only one, all prompt critical comments from somewhere.

Just in case I am accused of saying this is the only acceptable combination, my thread title means ‘the only setup that won’t invite critical comments.’

I have two school years as one is one of the oldest and the other one of the youngest. I’m clearly very clever (said sarcastically, given some people still seem to think I’m sharing my personal opinions!)

I think you’re right OP. There’s just some people who have to comment on other people’s lives in some way, and this is the kind of drivel they come out with. It’s rude.

I think people just hate boys to be honest! We have a daughter, now pregnant with our second and recently found out baby is a boy, obviously we are just over the moon to have another healthy baby on the way and neither of us had any preference on gender just like we didn’t with our daughter but I’ve had a few people do the “ah, what shame”/ “ah well you can’t have everything”

My DD must've felt outnumbered then with 3 older brothers & a younger one. She totally never felt it & has a close relationship with all her brothers & their children.

Im pregnant with 3rd boy in 5 years and i get comments all the time like you must have your hands full (no shit sherlock i certainly do ha!), and will you carry on trying for a girl (no 3 is enough and im happy with all boys).
None of them are said maliciously though so I take it on the chin.
Tbh at this point in time it takes ALOT to get me rattled I just dont entertain it im too busy 😂

I have a girl and currently newly pregnant so I will wait to see what comments we might get once we know this baby's sex 😂 I will be over the moon with either as long as they are healthy. I do think people male clumsy comments just to make conversation but sometimes it can be annoying. People should be careful with only child parents at the end of the day not everyone chooses to stop at one so more sensitivity and thought are needed when discussing child dynamics for sure!

Some people do but they are a certain ‘type’ shall we say.

Around here (north London) everyone seems to aim for a 2 yr age gap or less. Three years is considered too large. I think it's about having very close siblings so they can be treated almost like twins (the more determined ones do aim for twins), it looks cute to have close-aged siblings on their SM. I think a lot of mums rush the kids out as well as they are older when they have their first, so can't really hang about, and it means they can get back to their careers more quickly.

It's always looked like far too much hard work for me (nearly 4 year age gap worked for me as I could deal with one baby at a time, as the eldest was in nursery whe dc2 was born).

Agreed. I think a lot of PP are being a bit deliberately obtuse.

I had one of each, loads of comments about 'you're lucky, you can be done now.' and then lots of bafflement and open criticism about DC3!

I reckon the ideal/norm is more generally one of each, two years apart though.

Very hollow laugh about a two year age gap bearing any resemblance to twins whatsoever.

Siblings with a two year age gap are almost like twins like a bicycle is almost like a helicopter.

I’m not sure if people are being obtuse or it’s just MN comprehension skills striking again, which I knew would happen and tried to avoid by detailing it in the OP.

I remember a while ago explaining I had a three year old and a four month old and then referred to ‘the baby.’ Cue outraged posters for calling my three year old a baby. Then there’s the posters who can’t distinguish between ‘my year 7 DS’ and ‘my seven year old DS.’ Or ‘DH is fifty next month and …’ WE CAN’T ANSWER WITHOUT KNOWING HOW OLD DH IS.

Le sigh.

One girl one boy 2 years and one month age gap. Took 4 years to conceive the first, 2 months the second 🤣 so planned but not expected so soon. Didn't find out what we were having on either occasion. To be honest I used to get pissed off with "oo one of each aren't you lucky" comments.....never saw it that way and still don't. I have two healthy and happy kids (that either love or hate each other at the minute). Being a parent has taught me that opinions are like arseholes.....everyone's got one, and they'll share it whether you want to hear it or not!

This

Oh how I am laughing… it doesn’t matter what sex or separation of your children. Or how many. There is zero guarantee they will get on or have any interest in each other and surely that is more important than whether someone else deems it an “acceptable” family. If you want one then fine. If you want four then fine. Just own it as a decision whatever happens and whatever anyone says.

Spoiler: lots of siblings fucking hate each other!!!

Yabu. All combinations of dc have potential or perceived downsides.

For your 'perfect' set up of one boy and one girl it would be 'ahh isn't it a shame he won't experience having a brother/she won't get to have a sisterly bond 😢'.

At the end of the day, it's nonsense. You get what you get, no point in worrying about it.

I have two girls almost 3 years apart and have only ever had positive comments about this saying how special sisters are! Also wanted another DD after my first so feel lucky to have my perfect combo. I think people just project their own ideals and preferences. See what you’re saying although I’m also never questioned as to whether I’ll have another. Maybe people know that won’t be happening by all the moaning I did in my second pregnancy 🤣

It's a shame people don't read the original post properly before being critical of the OP or her friends.

I agree people have got something to say about everything - my friend has a lot of children, compared to the average, including twins and if I had to hear some of the comments that she's had from complete strangers, I would probably punched them in their face.

I don't think it's just about kids - people seem to think that they can give their unsolicited opinion on any number of topics.

Just have twins. Everyone thinks you’re a superhero and can’t criticise you for ‘doing it wrong’. Full marks if they are boy/girl.

Hahahaha this is my set up and I don’t think people look on enviously 😆😆
I often think two of the same gender would be likely to have more in common… mine get on ok when it’s just them in the holidays for example but term time they’re like ships that pass in the night… not that close in age or school stage and only one club in common. I think it comes down to the individual children to be honest.

When I was pregnant with my daughter and already had a son my husbands cousin asked if my family felt "complete"....
No. I went on and had another 2 boys in the next 11 years

No not really… having one boy and one girl isn’t seen as the ‘ideal’ I don’t think there even is one. It’s completely subjective. My parents had 2 girls and I couldn’t be happier, having a sister is everything to me. I honestly feel sorry for girls/women who grow up without a sister as the bond is like no other. Equally, I’m sure it’s the same for brothers. Therefore some may look at your set up and acc feel sorry that neither child has a sibling of the same sex. It’s all subjective and it shouldn’t really matter what anyone else thinks anyway.

Not sure anyone’s really paying that much attention to how many kids I have of which gender at which interval. Certainly not enough to pass negative comment on it. Who are you mixing with? Some kind of weird offspring arrangement police sect?

@2108b i have a sister and we are close but I don’t feel sorry for women who don’t have sisters. Some of my friends are like sisters to me, really and truly.

When I was pregnant with our third everyone assumed I had tried again to get a girl….
Random strangers would pass comment if we were all out together about it, my boys especially the younger one used to get a bit upset about it as he assumed that I had wanted him to be a girl.
Reassured him that I thought girls were much harder and trickier and that boys were best. When his baby brother arrived people actually asked me if I was disappointed 🤦‍♀️ people just love to comment on other peoples business!

Here’s an idea, maybe some people have been to hell and back conceiving

so trite litte ideas about feeling sorry for people who don’t have a same sex sibling is really depressing
im one of 3 sisters, i adore my sisters
mt youngest has fertility issues following her husband’s cancer

sure she couldn’t give a shit what sex a child is. She just desperately wants to be a mum