To sometimes think that one boy and one girl, around three years apart is the only acceptable family setup?

[theotherdown]

Two of the same sex, two big an age gap, too small an age gap, more than two, only one, all prompt critical comments from somewhere.

Just in case I am accused of saying this is the only acceptable combination, my thread title means ‘the only setup that won’t invite critical comments.’

This is interesting as the siblings I know with truly toxic relationships are mostly boy-girl. I’d expect this to not be the case with BG but perhaps so with GG and BB.

And you believe I have created the thread to finger wag at those who have multiple boys/girls, do you?

i get you, that’s why I said it’s all subjective really I don’t think there is a general ideal view, we all think differently!

I know what you mean. After years of infertility and ivf I’m so incredibly fortunate to have two little boys. I’m constantly being asked if I will ‘try for a girl’

I’ve had a few comments now I’m pregnant with my third. Already have a boy and a girl, so people have asked why the third. But three was always our plan. He is getting the snip soon, because we absolutely do not need 4 kids (personal preference, I’m 1/6 and my brother has 6, but I can’t hack that. Hats off to those who do.)

The thing for us that has got the most criticism is how young we had them. People assume DD (6) was an accident.. she wasn’t. DP always says “we wanted to be done by 30, so we can have them all out and the locks changed by 50”. He shrugs these comments off much better than me, I do find it annoying.

Do you need a lie down on dark room OP?
You’d hate my set up DD and DS 12 years apart. I hope you have sweet dreams

Oh I agree. I have two boys and I am always getting asked if I want a girl. I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER CHILD. Not sure how many times I can say that!!!

Depends if you care what strangers think about your family set up? And if they have the mythical perfect life?

I have a boy and a girl, 2.5 years difference. When my girl was born I got a lot of "You're so lucky to have one of each." I did feel lucky tbh. However, now they're older, I realise that who they are as characters has a lot more impact on us than their different genders. And they're both absolutely vile in a myriad ways. So. Some win.

This thread has made me realise not only do some people not RTFT but they don’t RTFT(itle)!

That is exactly my combination and it’s simultaneously the greatest and the worst depending on weather/tiredness/day of the week and a hundred other factors. Same as every other family

You're right OP, but I'm never sure why the girl/boy combo seems so sought after, I always imagined that same-sex siblings generally ended up having more in common and being closer later in life? Not always, of course (before everyone rushes in with their "well I've been no-contact with my sister for fifty years" stories) but how many adult brothers and sisters do you see spending time together outside of family events? I have a brother and we get along fine, but really have nothing in common at all, and see each other three times a year.

Seeing the relationships many of my friends have with their sisters, I was thrilled to have two girls, they get on like a house on fire. I would have secretly been rather dissapointed if my second had been a boy.

My family must be perfect then 😆

YANBU.
We have this combo and age gap, and several friends I know with same sex pairs same age gap were not-so-secretly wishing for one of each.
And I see lots of people complaining that a larger age gap "would be just wrong".

I actually wanted a larger age gap but we are older so that would be harder for us - I just thought it might be nice to have the older one a bit more independent when we had no 2.

I never wanted 3 but I think it would be great to have more if that's what you wanted. But I've heard a lot of judgy comments about 3+.

So I think from what I've heard people say it's the parents who mind about the age gap, and sometimes the sex. Everyone else minds about the number and some of them assume all parents want one of each.

You get what you're given if you're lucky enough is my polite reply
i I have 3 DS's each 3.9 years apart
Never once imagined a DD as I'm what used to be termed a Tomboy

I have one of each, 3 years apart. I had no end of comments and it being the perfect combination etc etc. People conveniently forgot that it had taken 3 cycles of IVF and an adoption to achieve! I was and am just happy to have my longed for family

I have B/G twins, I win! Everybody just comments how lucky we are. Or how efficient. 😁

Some people will make a negative comment whatever the circumstances.

I have 2 boys and 1 girl and have heard “your poor dd” on more than one occasion but she likes being the only girl and I have told the commenter that.

This. And I have a boy and a girl 3years apart. Not been a picnic so cannot imagine there is any ‘optimal’ gender/age spread. Just parents muddling along, doing the best they can with the kids they have.

Why so serious? Just stating that there are positives and negatives of all situations. I'm thrilled to be having any child having lost 5 previously. I'm not disappointed I'm just saying that ideally I would be having another boy as I've got a loft full of boy baby clothes and cars and tractors are everywhere. Unlike the majority of mumsnet I don't live in a 5 bed mansion with a nanny.

I just think this is another example of over thinking and “What apparently equals the perfect life?”.
Perfect job
Perfect amount of holidays abroad
Perfect looks
Perfect house
Perfect combination of kids

😴😴😴

I literally have the set up you describe. But still gets people saying ‘oh wouldn’t it have been nice to have the boy first and then the girl’
and also still get asked if I’m having another!
People just like the put their beak in anybody’s business!!

I have a boy, before I had him I would have liked one of each, I’ve had a few comments asking you must be hoping for a girl next, but now I would love another little boy!!

I have boy/girl twins. Often get comments "oh aren't you lucky" and "well done" (as if I had any control over it) so I think people do still see it as the perfect set up. When in fact it's not. They are chalk and cheese. Both enjoy different things which makes choosing a film or what to do on holiday etc really tough.

I had some awful reactions when I mentioned to people we were having a third after have a boy and girl with roughly the "ideal" age gap including from DM who was a selfish woman who was more thinking that with a third child we would be after her money but wouldn't have time to fuss over her.
However other people were wonderful and said they wished they had gone in for a third.
Try and think ten-twenty years ahead - will I have regrets for doing/not doing something