To sometimes think that one boy and one girl, around three years apart is the only acceptable family setup?

[theotherdown]

Two of the same sex, two big an age gap, too small an age gap, more than two, only one, all prompt critical comments from somewhere.

Just in case I am accused of saying this is the only acceptable combination, my thread title means ‘the only setup that won’t invite critical comments.’

Boy must arrive first for no unsightly inheritance tussles

I think it can be upsetting when it catches you off guard or when you’re a bit vulnerable anyway which with the best will in the world a lot of us are a bit when pregnant or postpartum. It’s nonsense but knowing it’s nonsense in your head and feeling it can be different things, if that makes sense.

I have two boys three years apart and it's been perfect, they hardly argue either due to the age gap. He couldn't argue with a baby at 3.3 mths and then when my youngest become a toddler my eldest is turning 7 and is very level headed and finds him hilarious

I think big families face the most criticism.

Like @Icepop79 and her brother, I have DD 19 and DS 16, so the supposed ideal.
Although they were fairly close when younger, they aren't really now. I think that's a shame, but just how it is. There's no knowing whether they'd be closer if they were the same sex.
I remember relatives going on about pigeon pairs. I had never heard the expression and didn't know what they were on about!

Oh and yes I've had loads of you need a girl, she will be so pretty and cute a best friend for life .. fkck off I know loads of women who hate their mother or constantly bicker with them. I love the relationship my husband his with his mum, his sisters however

I’m sorry but really just ignore the comments and enjoy the family you have.

Just the one I’d say, any more the parent either a psychopath or a masochist.

There’s always someone who has an opinion that the set up will be ‘better if…’ - add any non sense that person thinks. Everyone should have the daily that works for them. And not care what others have to say.

Just under 2 years between my older 2. 12 years between the oldest and youngest. I've never had any criticism.

I have one of each, almost 2.5 years apart.

Eldest is my son who will carry my name and more importantly that of my grandfather's name. He had 10 grandkids, 8 boys.but due to marriage only 2 of us could carry the name on.

Youngest is my daughter and I sometimes daydream about her wedding day and being able to give a father of the bride speech.

I've never been asked if I wanted more, I think because I have one of each.

I'd probably have a 3rd but my wife said if I want another one I can have it with my 2nd wife.

I imagine people say all manner of things.
I don’t care what anyone things of my family set up. I do have one of each and I’m very happy with that.
Thinking about it, most people I know who have 2, have the same sex. Not sure if that’s common or not.
I would never question anyone who had only one child, for all I know it might not be through choice.
I don’t comment about anyone’s number of children, however I do judge those with large families when neither parent has a job.

Fair enough. It does make sense when you put it like that. I can act all nonchalant about criticism now but those post-partem days I was such an emotional wreck - I think I've forgotten to empathy for my past self and others in the same position!

On paper. Practically not the best IMO. I think a smaller gap so they can play/grow together more or a larger gap so they are a little more independent before baby is better. And same sex you can pass down clothes and they (potentially) have a mate/more in common when they are older.

I’ve boy/girl twins. When they were babies, everyone commented that this was the perfect combination. I heard “a gentleman’s family” a lot.

Before having them, I’d probably have preferred two of the same sex (but now obviously I’m delighted with what I have).

I have one of each, 3 years apart😄

When dd was around 2 years old, I had several comments from people ( family included!) asking ‘when are you going to have another one?’
I also had the comments about needing a sibling for dd so she is ‘not alone’ ‘not an only child’ Mil actually asked dh if we were actively trying, as she was sick of waiting to be a Nana again. She said it in a jokey way, but I had a miscarriage inbetween, so I found it really insensitive and a weird thing to ask/say.

I don’t remember people making any comments about the sex of the baby with each dc though.

I’m similar age with my young brother and just the two of us @Pianoaholic

I would say when we were that age we weren’t close / he was sooooo immature.
When he hit 18 we got better and we have got closer as we’ve got older.
now we are in our fifties and we are very close. I also wanted a sister but am happy with my lovely brother now!!

Ime, it’s not seen as the ideal by people with that combo as they sometimes say they get along fine but aren’t close when a different sex - especially as they grow up. (Cue everyone telling me their BG combo are best friends.)

So I suppose a criticism of that combo could be “Aw, do you wish they had a sister (for a girl)/brother (for a boy)?”

I only have one but if I'd had another I would have wanted another of the same.

I have a boy and a girl 3.5 years years apart 😇

I don't think people are necessarily criticising other people's combinations, probably just making conversation but being a bit clumsy about it.

I have this exact set up. Boy then girl. Currently 5 and 2. It’s bloody hard work!! My boy is very boisterous, doesn’t sit still, doesn’t watch tv, constantly talking. I have a feeling 2 boys or 2 girls might be easier because they’d have each other. My 2 just squabble right now!

Yes this. I have literally never had a single comment from anyone about our 'imperfect' family. If anyone did ever say anything I imagine I promptly dismissed it as irrelevant and forgot about it forevermore.

I have 2 DDs, nearly 5 years between them. When I was pregnant with DD2, I got comments like oh I bet you’re hoping for a boy now to complete the family. I also very much enjoyed shutting people down when they asked why the age gap, nothing makes them feel more like the worlds biggest twat then being told I had a miscarriage between them!

And I’ve also already experienced DD2 being treated less favourably than her sister. Not much acknowledgement and fanfare from family about her birth, and a lot of comments about it being great she can have all her sisters old stuff!

I have one child aged 5. It's never been commented on/criticised. I guess it depends what circles you socialise in. Having one child isn't unusual amongst people I know.

It’s what I have and when the girl was born we did get a lot of ‘oh lovely to have one of each’ but it’s just something to say I think? Literally nobody has commented since.