8 year old has to stay in to study

[Swimmingwithoutfloats]

My Dd, 7 has a best friend on the road who she loves to play with. They often play together some weekends and occasionally in the evenings in summer.
He hasn’t been able to play out at our house or his due to tests at school.
Every time my Dd has knocked on, he’s said he has to stay in because there are tests at school at the moment and he has to do work. He loves very sad
Its been beautiful weather and Dd and another friend on the street have invited him for bike rides or to play on the trampoline or to swim in the pool and he isn’t allowed.
He stays fairly late at school, then goes to clubs/football etc, comes home, does homework and goes to bed.

Often at the weekend, he says he can’t play and sits in doing video games

Aibu to wonder why he can’t just play with his friends and be a child?

I live in a cul de sack off a cul de sac. When we first moved here I was thrilled that the children opposite asked if DD could play with them. If it was outside in front of the house I supervised.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

Sorry but I also think there might be things going on you have no idea about.

You said they play in each other's houses. Maybe one of the parents has been a bit creepy with this child and they think the easiest way to ensure they don't end up in the house with them again is putting a stop to this playing in each other's houses all the time thing.

On that note, are they telling you every time they move location or go to another person's house? Because I can see a lot of people thinking 8 is young for a free roaming situation. You might trust a few of the parents but not every parent on the street. Or you might trust the parents but what about when a kid says "mum says we can't go on the trampoline today because she's busy in the garden but we'll just go to my uncle's house who lives two doors down".

Or maybe the kid is ND and doesn't actually want to play out often but doesn't want to say, so the parents are helping by making excuses. This was me as a child. I used to ask my mum to say no to friends coming over after school because my social battery was so drained and I couldn't cope with it and just wanted to read my book by myself.

I didn't want to tell them I just didn't want them to come because I still wanted to be their friend and it wasn't that I never wanted to play. I just couldn't cope with it often and needed a lot of downtime.

I'd have happily thrown my mum under the bus to avoid the awkwardness too. In fact I did that a lot. Now I'm cringing at the memory of being so annoyed that my friend had not returned the 20p I lent her that I told her my mum had asked for it back because she really needed it.

There are various other options, from some sort of witness protection situation to night time alien abductions.

There is a difference between posting asking for advice or chatting about random stuff vs. a post like this which is just a veiled and smug way of saying hey I think these people are weird and are parenting their child wrong, who wants to join in with me on judging them?
There’s a ton of context behind how other people do things and you don’t know the whole story. But you are determined to believe that you know better than they do about their child.

Compl agree, so beneficial

Really sad

Sounds like he doesn’t want to play with your DD and is using schoolwork and his parents as an excuse.

It’s no rabble…!

Lovely, middle class (i’m only saying this as you come across as a bit of a snob) families with great jobs (well educated themselves) lovely houses, gardens, some have swimming pools etc. It’s a lovely community feel, the children have known each other since they were little. The kids ride bikes, play, swim, often a couple of parents will take their dogs for walks with all the kids in the woods next to our road. It really is ideal and a crying shame for a child to be stuck indoors playing on an ipad or studying (at 8?!)
Educated parents would understand the massive benefits of the children playing together outdoors

It’s a blessing for kids

Exactly this 💓

He’s so stiff when he first comes to the house and serious looking (wasn’t like that when little) After a bit, he’s running around, playing role-play games with Dd, water fights, trampoline etc…I really think kids need it, and regulo

They are not ND and it’s not a free roaming situation, no creepy people either. I’m quite overprotective and my Dd wouldn’t be playing in these situations

He does want to play, he wants to play with all the kids, he’s so happy on the occasions when he’s allowed

I can't think of anything worst.

My kids have plenty of friends, parties, sleepovers, clubs, and fun. They're just not hanging in the streets with randoms, or families who are happy for kids to just hang about in the street. My kids are also expected to have decent school results - litterally their only job!

Judge away, think you are superior, I am very happy with my choices.

I am sure they also use me as an excuse "my mum says no" when they try to avoid someone 😂

Have you actually read through the points I made three or four times?

None of these kids are ‘Randoms’ they have all known each other since they were little, go to the same school, love one another and are part of a tight knit community.

They don’t’Hang out in the streets’ at all, they are aged 5-9!! All supervised properly and engaging in lots of fun activities and play (E.g- we prepare an egg hunt in the woods at easter, Christmas chocolates hunt at Christmas and so on)

They all work hard at school and are all bright kids…BUT they are also allowed to be kids and have fun too…natural, imaginative fun. Not always scheduled, pencilled in activities and competitions and studying, they’re babies really in the scheme of life!

If the parents all have great jobs how are they finishing work in time to supervise a bunch of kids in their pool or their garden after school every day? Maybe this kid stays late at school (?in an after school childcare setting maybe?) becuase his parents finish work at 5pm like most people who are in full time employment. Genuinely I don’t really understand how anyone with a full time job can pick their kid up from school at 3pm every day tbh. My son is a similar age and he has the much-lauded unstructured outdoor play after school. It’s just takes place at an after school club with his friends until 5 or sometimes 6pm. And it’s not unsupervised. Because he’s 7.

This sounds like my worse nightmare and I can see why his parents don't want this. I would hate having any number of children from the street in my house and not knowing whether or not I am meant to be watching them.
You mention pools, and while I would like to think these older children can swim, there could still be a safety risk and who would notice if a child drowned if the children are going from house to house.

I think you are making a lot of assumptions about what he is made to do at home, and actually he might be playing with toys not constantly working. All kids would say they want to play more, and you are interpreting him as being sad. I think you need to leave the family alone and parent how they want rather than inflicting your views on them.

I didn’t say after school every day and not always at 3.30

Mix of jobs, some work from home, own businesses, stay at home mums etc etc…not everyone works 9-5 in an office job.

so it's not about what kids actually do, it's about joining your kid and your activities.

Still happy not to let mine go in the street like this, thanks!

Take a hint 🤣

I wouldn’t ever inflict my views on them…i’m posting on an anonymous forum to discuss it

They aren’t roaming around from house to house (how many times do I need to say this 😅) and obviously when children are swimming in the pool, the adult in charge is sat there watching them as they would be!

My activities??!! It’s a group activity in our community? Do you do things like that, do you understand the concept or just drive your children everywhere and then come home and lock them away in a box

Once again…THEY ARE NOT IN THE STREET

Your’e definitely just on the wind up or are unusually defensive for some reason….

The initial post you gave with DD knocking on the door makes it sound very much the children just call on anyone's house in the street to see if they are coming out to play rather than it being a set playdate with a specific parent watching.
How is this arranged? Your posts seem a bit contradictory of parents having flexible working hours so being around, and children being free to play, to now suggesting it's all organised and planned.