8 year old has to stay in to study

[Swimmingwithoutfloats]

My Dd, 7 has a best friend on the road who she loves to play with. They often play together some weekends and occasionally in the evenings in summer.
He hasn’t been able to play out at our house or his due to tests at school.
Every time my Dd has knocked on, he’s said he has to stay in because there are tests at school at the moment and he has to do work. He loves very sad
Its been beautiful weather and Dd and another friend on the street have invited him for bike rides or to play on the trampoline or to swim in the pool and he isn’t allowed.
He stays fairly late at school, then goes to clubs/football etc, comes home, does homework and goes to bed.

Often at the weekend, he says he can’t play and sits in doing video games

Aibu to wonder why he can’t just play with his friends and be a child?

Maybe the kids parents don’t like you and think you are judgemental and patronising and don’t want their kid playing with yours? Since we are doing random speculation here about people whose lives we don’t know every detail of.

They live doors away from each other. My Dd will walk to their house, whilst i’m watching her and ask if they want to come and play or ride the bike. Other times, a child will do the same at our house or the mum will send a quick whatsapp to me.

That might not work for lots of people. As I said it's my worst nightmare having people back round mine and they might feel the same hence turning down going out with others as they would feel obliged to invite others back.

OP, you sound really judgmental.

I was a fairly chilled parent and dd had a lot of unstructured time. Like you, I felt that I wanted her to enjoy as much freedom in her childhood as I could give her, and I did not want her to be burdened by too much pressure too soon. She has grown into a fabulous, happy, confident young woman who has thrived socially, excelled at school and is now training to be a doctor. And she has lovely memories of her childhood.

My friend from a very different culture was much, much stricter than I ever was. Her dd were expected to spend a lot of time doing extra study at home, commit to some pretty demanding extracurriculars and spend lots of time with extended family, so there simply wasn't loads of time to play with friends outside of school. But do you know what? She too has grown into a fabulous, happy, confident young woman who has thrived socially, excelled at school and is now training to be a dentist. And she too has lovely memories of her childhood.

There is more than one "right" way to parent, and different families are likely to prioritise different things. There will be pros and cons for every choice, but as long as the children are loved, well-cared for and supported to develop appropriately in all aspects of their lives, then they will be fine. Stop worrying about this little boy and accept that his parents choose to do things a bit differently from the way you and your friends do things. That doesn't make them wrong and you don't have to take it as an implied criticism of your own choices. It is simply different people doing stuff in their own way.

It’s not exactly my idea of fun as i’m nowhere near as sociable as my Dd, but the kids love it so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe they feel that they don't have to be dictated to by their child 🤷
Maybe they have jobs that they find stressful and then don't want the hassle of having to deal with someone else's child once they have finished work.
Maybe they have specific activities they are happy for their child to engage in that are structured and they don't feel the need for playing out with children they see all day at school anyway.
Maybe their child actually doesn't get on with some of the other children so they keep them in to avoid them

There are so many possibilities

The Voice of the Labour Party: "We must stop this he might become successful and better than our kids". FFS

It’s not being dictated to by your child for wanting to do something for them that makes them happy, isn’t that what most parents do a lot of the time

Eh? These things aren’t my priority…they are so little still, I understand when they’re a bit older

Key words being 'a lot of the time' not all the time. This family clearly don't want to socialise after school and I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe they like doing things as a family. You say the children on the street all go to the same school so they play with them every day so I don't think by not going out with them when they get home means they are missing out.

OP why have you posted in AIBU when it’s evident that there is no doubt in your mind about your rightness on this? You’re convinced your way is right and theirs is wrong.

It’s weekends I was talking about more, school nights, lots of people are busy and things rushed.
They don’t go out at the weekend, dad works, mum stays home and says he can’t play a lot of the time

Yes I suppose so…I wanted to see if others thought this was a bit sad for the boy too

But in your OP you say that your DD and this boy “often play together” at the weekends.

The thing is, as parents, we make choices for our children which are based on what we consider to be best for them. Sometimes, that might include making choices not to allow things that might - at least in the short term - make them happy. For example, many parents might say no to a child eating ice cream every time the child asks for one, because they don't believe that it's in the child's best interests to agree, even though saying "yes" would make the child happy in that moment.

You might believe that it would be in the best interests of this child to let him play with your dc whenever she calls, but for whatever reason, his parents feel differently. And that is their prerogative. It doesn't mean that they're wrong and you're right, or vice versa. It just means that you are making different judgments based on your own assessments of what matters most.

They did when younger, now he doesn’t seem to be able to play with anyone, only occasionally

Yes I realise this, my point was if that was a bit sad for such a young boy

I’m going to go against the grain here. I’ve been accused of being some mental tiger mum on these boards because I give my child extra work to do most days (half and hour to an hour for a 6yr old) etc and also for making her very tired because she does clubs 6 days a week (she loves them and she’s an extremely active person).

BUT I would have chucked mine out for a play, work ethic and discipline are very important to me but friendship and fun are important for mental health.

I think it’s sad, there should always be time for a play, even if it’s half an hour.

No, it isn't sad for the boy that his parents do things differently from you. Your way is not the only way.

If you have specific concerns about his wellbeing, then flag these with the school or social services so that they can investigate. If not, then respect the fact that his parents have a right to follow their own instincts with regard to the best way of parenting their children, and accept the fact that you don't necessarily know best.

The other boy's family might feel that it's a bit sad for your dc to miss out on some of the stuff that they think is important. So what? They aren't your dd's parents and it isn't their decision.

I don't think the @Swimmingwithoutfloats sounds judgemental. I think a lot of the responses do.

People need to chill a bit more. What's wrong with a bit of spontaneity? I reckon these are the mumsnetters who never answer the door or the phone.

A child's life doesn't need to be micromanaged to the nth degree. It isn't healthy.

We have no idea whether to feel sad for him or not. As the above poster has said if you have safeguarding concerns then talk to the school.
He might be living the life of Riley at home with toys galore and allowed to do all sorts of things. You are putting your own spin on it with no idea what goes on in their home.

Guilty of the phone example 😂

I don't think they are being micro managed. If anything it sounds like the child might not have much to do at the weekend if it's just mum home and they don't go out. However this doesn't mean they aren't having fun at home. Maybe they do baking at home, help cook dinner, play board games.

I also think that as others have said there may be reasons the parents don't want them playing with children from the other houses. My own suggestion being not wanting to invite them back. But it could also be friendship issues where actually they feel @Swimmingwithoutfloats DD is quite bossy and always insisting that they play together when actually they have other friends who don't live on this street.

Jesus, I give up. You either reply in one word answers or just give inaccurate information. Haven’t you ever heard of the past tense?

No wonder this whole thread doesn’t make any sense.

I’d focus on your own communication skills before worrying about anyone else.

None of your business