8 year old has to stay in to study

[Swimmingwithoutfloats]

My Dd, 7 has a best friend on the road who she loves to play with. They often play together some weekends and occasionally in the evenings in summer.
He hasn’t been able to play out at our house or his due to tests at school.
Every time my Dd has knocked on, he’s said he has to stay in because there are tests at school at the moment and he has to do work. He loves very sad
Its been beautiful weather and Dd and another friend on the street have invited him for bike rides or to play on the trampoline or to swim in the pool and he isn’t allowed.
He stays fairly late at school, then goes to clubs/football etc, comes home, does homework and goes to bed.

Often at the weekend, he says he can’t play and sits in doing video games

Aibu to wonder why he can’t just play with his friends and be a child?

Maybe they feel your child is a bad influence

Op you really are not accepting that other people may not like this set up at all and that other ways to parent are also valid and perfectly fine.
I really would hate this. You called me a snob becuase I didnt agree with you. You mentioned you are middle middle class and also implied I wasn't educated.
I really can not fathom why this other family does not want to engage???

But he’s 8, so he doesn’t make the decisions. He sounds like he has a well rounded life. Values education, sports, friends. You said he often played with your child, so he’s not kept chained to the desk.

People can raise their kids how they like. I wouldnt want my child out playing every evening, they have clubs and otherwise it’s nice to chill at home with family sometimes.

Maybe they don’t want your child round their house anymore. I love kids but im shattered after work and would hate another child here, being loud and annoying (as all kids that age are).

Here we go…my dd isn’t bossy 😂

Are you sure about that?! Maybe she is at school and he doesn't then want to go out when she is constantly knocking at the door.
As I said you are thinking they should be friends and wanting to play as they go to the same school, but that doesn't mean they are in the same friendship group.
Also they are at the age where boys tend to want to play with boys and girls with girls.

My 9yo unless at scheduled sport activities each week would sit and play video games too rather than go out playing in the street....
My 8yo prefers being outdoors.

You wanted everyone to agree that your way of parenting is superior to theirs.

Exactly. But we have no reason to believe that it is superior, it's just different.

Wha...what is going on in this thread? Really aggressive & sneering attacks - genuinely nasty. Always shocks me when this happens, it's totally unwarranted!

Everyone feeling a bit hot & irritable & being all unnecessary?

OP - I agree with you. He's 8. Sounds to me like you've got a lovely cul-de-sac community going on there with happy children in it & it IS a shame if his sadness is a result of his parents pushing too hard.

Honestly, I think it is the OP that's being unpleasant about this other family. We have no reason to feel sad for the boy, who may be absolutely fine. We don't have to feel sorry for him simply because his parents don't follow the OP's approach to parenting.

I agree with you @Caerulea
I can't believe the responses on this thread.

The boy himself has said he's sad, his demeanor has changed. Tbh, spending the weekends with the games console is probably cos he's knackered & needs the downtime (works for me on my quiet days 😅)

My dc used to say she was sad when she wasn't allowed to eat an entire packet of biscuits or stay up into the early hours of the morning! It doesn't necessarily mean that he is suffering in any way.

And tbh, the OP can't possibly know how the kid is spending his weekends in the house...it might not be as much time on the games console as she thinks.

There was a child who always knocked for my kid. My kid hated him, I wasn't about to enforce he played with him. Take the hint, you are being annoying.

It’s weird, isn’t it?

Some I think just come with these comments to get their frustrations and sadness out. It’s healthy to have a difference of opinion, but to get nasty & personal and start saying my Dd is likely bossy, when she’s literally the opposite and they are great friends 🤷🏻‍♀️ Most people wouldn’t not let their child play with friends, because it meant they’d have to invite them back to their house though

I know this lovely boy, I’ve seen the change in him, he’s said it himself, he’s only just turned 8 and has this weight on him, it is sad

He doesn’t hate my Dd. If he ever is allowed, he comes running around to call for her

The impression you give on this thread though is that your DD has knocked multiple times for this boy to come out to play and each time the answer is no.
How do you know they are still friends if he hasn't come round in a while? Maybe that's the hint that these children are no longer fond of each other. The same as the other children in the street. You don't seem to accept that they aren't interested and he must be sad because of this rather than taking into consideration there could be other factors involved.

But there could be all manner of other things going on? It seems unlikely that this child suddenly has the weight of the world on his shoulders simply because he isn't allowed to play with your dd all the time.

As I said above, if you have concerns about his wellbeing, flag them up with the school or social services. Otherwise just accept that different families do things differently.

You sound weirdly over-invested in someone else’s kid. You can feel sad about it if you so wish, but we can also see your judgy pants.

Signing off this now, thank you to the people who commented without being unnecessarily bitchy/offensive 🙏

Do you really really mean this? That you think people effectively own their children, and can treat them anyway they like, and you would never do anything to interfere, you wouldn't even disapprove? They could beat them, they could keep them off school to do fruit picking, they could refuse to let them learn to read because they think the written word is dangerous.....

And you would be just fine with all of that?

Why?

I'm also shocked by the idea that you think 8 year olds should never make any decisions. They are people too! Surely we build up decision making in our kids gradually, so that they learn to make good decisions in adulthood - there are plenty of things an 8 year old should have a day in, I think. And how they spend their leisure time is one of them! Not saying that they should have absolutely free choice over a limitless supply of alternatives obviously (and nor is that practical) but I think it's ENTIRELY appropriate, if your 8 year old has a couple of hours free on a Saturday afternoon, to let THEM choose between playing with friends, playing in their room, craft activity with dad or watching a film with mom, say....... That way, they start to learn that choosing one thing can mean missing out on another, that sometimes we are swayed by the wrong considerations etc etc.....

I really do feel there seems to be some kind of widespread cultural shift towards treating children like fragile and completely incapable automata, in some sections of society these days......

I suppose you don't know what's going on for him at home.

But tbh I'm with you. I truly don't think an 8 year old should have homework every single night. Children absolutely need time to play outside with other children. They learn so many social skills etc through imaginative play.

I think we over schedule children a little nowadays tbh. Kids aren't given enough opportunity to either just play or be bored and create their own fun. I did things like creative writing, or making a 'nature bucket' with my friends to see what animals we could attract, or write animal fact files. I wouldn't have done those things if I'd have been stuck doing homework or in a scheduled activity every single day.

OP, I think you've rightly intuited that there is an element of class prejudice going on here.

Some posters have assumed that, because you describe an integrated local community, children being allowed some freedom to socialise, etc, you must be working class and therefore ought not dare to criticise the voices of your middle class superiors - if they want to hothouse their child and raise him away from sunlight and the pernicious influence of society, that is there absolute right, if not duty, as High Earners.

They probably think your daughter will be giving him rides on the XL bully, and letting him have a puff on her Raspberry Sour vape........

(Just to be clear, I am satirising - I despise all forms of class prejudice, have no idea what class either OP or the boy's parents are, and am confident it matters not one jot in this instance. But I think this is at the root of a lot of the hate you are getting here.

(Mumsnet can be so great for some things and you find such lovely women,. But the right wing, pro- libertarian threads really depress me.....)

This made me chuckle 😂

I grew up in the 90s and I'm working class. I never had a single scheduled activity (the only ones I would have been allowed to do were free things like football, and I wasn't interested!) and I've grown up to be a academically successful adult with plenty of hobbies.

I didn't know it was such an alien idea for children to call for each other until this thread, or that people found it annoying. I thought this was a universal thing all children did. The idea of a playdate for an 8 year old is alien to me. When we were children, we'd all knock on the doors of every child going until we found someone who wanted to go to the park!