Am I intolerant and unreasonable or would you also find this infuriating?

[Rewpf]

I feel like I’m going mad at times.

DP takes forever to do anything.

Toilet is 20 mins (I know that seems a theme for a lot of men), getting shoes on….

Dd 2.5’s bedtime…it doesn’t matter when DP starts bedtime, it will always take over an hour for her to be asleep. I cannot understand it. It takes me around 20 mins for quick teeth brush, vitamins and fresh pyjamas. It really messes with her routine.

We went to the beach the other day and me and DD had got changed and ready to leave the beach in the time it had taken DP to brush off his feet and put socks and shoes on again.

Walking… everything is an amble. We needed wipes from the car due to a nappy emergency when out recently. I was holding DD in a difficult position while I watched him casually walk over to the car park. Nothing is done at speed, ever.

We got in the car yesterday and as he got in I suggested the name of a pub for Saturday lunch. Rather than turning the engine on and talking as we go, he sort of slumped into his seat and wanted to get into a big conversation about it whilst we were stationery.

Leaving the house… absolutely horrific. Every small task includes a pause. Shoes on, sit and pause. Stand up, pause. Pick up bag or water etc, pause. often this leads to DD getting really bored and waiting at the door to go out, I even plan it to make sure she starts getting ready with me a bit later on so she’s not waiting around but it simply doesn’t work. He’s always after us.

Dinner… unless we eat out or I’ve cooked, he will have dinner around 9:3-10:30. I have spoken about this so many times…he will insist he wants to cook and I don’t want to put a downer on it but the hours will go by and he doesn’t actually start it.

Shopping. Heaven help me if we stop for petrol and he wants to ‘nip in’ to the shop. Me and DD waited in the car for 25 minutes at a petrol station with a tiny spar shop inside, while he spent an absolute age in there.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is done quickly. He’s not got any health issues. Early 40s.

For transparency I am quite the opposite to this and can be a bit full on the other way…I’ll have several jobs done within a few minutes, for example. I don’t know if I’m being unfair, it drives me mad but perhaps I need to be more understanding and patient?! He’s a good dad generally and good to me mostly but this makes me feel I’m going crazy!

Being slow for a nappy emergency and making dinner so late that you’re eating after 9.30pm would REALLY annoy me .
the rest maybe not so much

Think I have sorted out the taking ages (apart from the painfully slow getting up routine of poo, shower, dress, eating breakfast) in that I decide a time to leave for something otherwise if we work to his schedule a DAY out would start at 2 in the afternoon. This is ridiculous to him, why are we rushing. I try to explain (knowing how his brain works) that if we don't set a time to do something the day will run on without us, a day wasted, a day spoilt with both of us getting cross. He has given in cos I am a real cow
and he enjoys telling everyone how hard done by he is! However yes anything that is just for him e.g. golf he sorts himself quite efficiently. Doing a job gets delayed frequently and sometimes never happens. If I need to do something extra outside our normal routine I do it first thing and feel good I have ticked that box; he will wait till late afternoon and have it hanging over him. OP as others have said this can't go on, you are miserable and he potters on in his own little world. He is a husband and a dad; he needs to see that how he lives his life is destroying two other lives and he loves those people. Is there something he is efficient for that you can use to explain? It is very sad and I wish you the very best.

Same. I’d be losing my mind. My teen is like this and I have always assumed they’ll grow out of it 😱
I think I’d just start going without him

I don't know if it's been said already but could well be undiagnosed ADHD!

I have also just stated the time I’ll be leaving the house and followed through with that. He was really offended but he did run to catch up with me! 😂

I thought it was the one with the lift.

It just sounds like an incompatibility to me, and that it's become something you've become more annoyed at over time. Some of them sound good though - maybe your DD likes the longer bedtime, rather than a quick rush

Two different things going on here....

1. Doing things slowly. Nothing you can do about that. What's slow to you is normal to him.
2. Not starting things - such as dinner. That would drive me mad. "No, no - I'll do dinner." "Yeah, but you're not even going to start on it till gone nine." "I'll do it as soon as I've finished this." ...which turns out to be gone nine.

Number one you have to live with. Number two is grounds for copping a reduced plea on the grounds of provocation.

Ah yes..now your talking

one of the best!

I couldn’t stand it. I think you are very different from each other. Resentment will only get worse. How does he actually get on at work when he can’t get anything done

What was he like when you first got together?

This!!!! 🤣

It would be an LTB for me!
He’s only going to get worse as he ages.