Why would this man ask my daughter to move out of his way?

[justactingmyshoesize]

I was in a supermarket with my 10 year old dd and we walked over to the reduced fridge and I asked dd if she could see anything in there she fancied so she went over to have a look and a man walked over and looked at my daughter looking and said excuse me and expected her to move aside so he could look, she looked uncomfortable and stepped aside.

I said quite politely I think my daughter was just looking first but he ignored me and so I said quite loudly to my daughter “ you didn’t need to move out of his way as you were there first and so could continue looking but the man didn’t allow her space to until he had finished looking. It was as if my daughter was of no consequence at all.
I explained to my daughter she didn’t need to move out of his way but in the situation he didn’t give her a lot of choice.

@justactingmyshoesize Sorry OP, but I don't think you're seeing it from this man's pov at all. I have encountered bored kids numerous times whilst supermarket shopping, half way down the aisle from their parent(s) looking for something more interesting to do/look at, but getting in the way of other shoppers. A polite "excuse me" from me has been all that's needed to have them stand to one side so I can reach something. Now I appreciate this wasn't the case with your DD, but this man didn't know this. All he saw was a 10yr old girl stood in front of a freezer cabinet and assumed (probably correctly) that she didn't have the money to take something out of the freezer and go and pay for it. He, presumably, did have money so wanted to see if there was something in the freezer he wanted to buy (and could go and pay for) and politely asked her to move to one side. If he (a) knew you were with her, and (b) knew you had instructed her to go and look in the freezer to see if there was anything she'd like, then I'd have some sympathy with your pov, but I'm guessing this man had no idea about any of this and just saw a 10yr old girl stood in front of the freezer who he probably took to be doing nothing more than amusing herself while a parent, somewhere, was selecting items they wanted.
What you should have said to your DD was "DD, you should have politely explained to this man that your mum had asked you to come and choose something you'd like from the freezer and he would need to wait until you'd finished looking" - that would have given your daughter some guidance on responding to adults assertively (and politely), and made your point with the man. I don't think this man did anything wrong at all - but you did.

How is it rude to say "excuse me" to someone standing in front of something you want to look at, exactly?

In any sane universe the interaction goes:

"Excuse me"
"Oh, I'm sorry, on you go"

or....

"Excuse me"
"Just one sec, thanks"

So a Young Carer who has the money and makes the decisions is inferior to an adult doing the same thing, solely because of their age? You sound nice.

Also, respect is earned, not given. You don't have to respect someone just because they were evacuated from the womb sooner than you.

How disgustingly ableist.

Plenty of young carers do food shopping. You know what they say about assuming...

Clearly most of these posters aren't regulars at the reduced food fridge in the supermarket... and it shows!!

No one knows what's going to be in there until you get up close. Therefore everyone is browsing it rather than purposefully and quickly grabbing the item they need.

It's totally different etiquette to if this happened in another aisle.

If I went to the cheese aisle and someone was stood looking at what to buy but I knew what I wanted and they were blocking me I would just say excuse me and reach for the item. I'm not standing there all day whilst they choose their cheese but I'm not going to be rude either. Wouldn't matter if it was a child, an adult, man or woman, they are perfectly entitled to stand there as long as they like as long as someone can get in and get what they need.

And that is completely reasonable but this is a different situation.

You don't know what's in the reduced fridge section so that's why people wait to take their turn to look / sift through. How would he know what he wanted was in there?

I guess occasionally someone with good eyesight could look over your shoulder while you're standing at the reduced section and spot one specific thing they want at the top of the pile and then ask 'excuse me' to quickly grab it. But that's a pretty rare occurrence. And doesn't fit with the OP's description of this situation.

This thread is infuriating! People comparing to picking up cheese or frozen peas where they know what they want, when this wasn't that, it was the reduced fridge where nobody knows what's there til they look! People saying he was polite and probably didn't realise she was looking, completely missing that he ignored the OP when she explained her daughter was looking first!

Gah!

Oh come on. How many young (age 10 in this instance) carers are there out there doing a full food shop in a supermarket on their own?

99.999% of kids in supermarkets are there with their parents.

And yes, you do respect your elders. If you're on a train and you have a seat and an older person gets on, do you make them stand up until they've "earned your respect"???

So would I. 10 year olds don’t do and pay for the shopping. 🙄

I think the issue is surely that you knew she was actively looking at the time. The man wouldn’t have known. I would have just assumed she was just standing there looking whilst waiting for you but wasn’t choosing anything. She should have responded with ‘just a second I’m just choosing’ as an adult would. Otherwise how would he have known? Honestly in the is situation, as a parent I’d have just interjected and just said ‘sorry just a second she just looking’ and I’m sure he’d have waited

🤣🤣🤣 Only on here could you ever find someone who's never seen a man say excuse me to another bloke before at any point. Peak Mumsnet!

I think that that's a lesson that parents need to learn first before they can teach their children. Too many seem frightened of disciplining their children for fear that their children won't like them and hence when the child is exposed to those awful people at school who use the word No they can't cope.

But then if he had said "excuse me" you'd be writing this same OP post 🤦

But she didn’t explain to him- she said ‘I think my daughter is just looking first’. She’s didn’t directly didn’t say the daughter was choosing something. I’d have interpreted it literally that her daughter was standing and just having a look so should step aside for him to choose. I honestly think it was just a misunderstanding on his part. He probably was annoyed by the passive aggressive comment to daughter at the end so ignored her.

It depends on his tone, but otherwise I don't think the man was in the wrong. The adults are the ones with the money to actually buy something, and a lot of times I see kids in stores just bored, staring into space, blocking an aisle or a shelf I want to access. Kids, unlike adults, don't seem to pick up on hints to move without being told. Likely the man waited a second to see if your DD would naturally move to the side to share the space and when she didn't, he said something. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to tell some random child to move out of the center of the aisle in the grocery store. Even with adults, if they are hovering in front of a shelf, contemplating, I usually say "Excuse me" and reach around them because I can't live my life waiting for them to figure shit out! In the situation you are describing, I would have asked your daughter to move. So the man didn't take anything. Likely what he was looking for was out of stock.

10 year old children usually are not responsible of doing the shopping so clearly he assumed that she was just window shopping. He didn't say "Move you little brat" but politely "Excuse me". How could he have known her mother had told her she could pick something?

Almost all posters are telling you that you behaved wrongly and that your daughter is going to wind up entitled with this kind of parenting but you're stubborn like a mule. I feel sorry for her future teachers...

It's irrelevant that it was the reduced section.

Most people are going to assume that a 10 year old in a supermarket is not actually shopping, so to politely say "excuse me" to them is entirely reasonable.

Yes, there will be the odd exception, but you know as well as i do most children in the food sections of supermarkets aren't actually choosing and buying food, and that's the point being made.

Your post is misleading: he said “excuse me” to your child. So he was polite. In my experience children trying to make their minds up can take a lifetime. I don’t think he did anything wrong and I would probably do the same.

A ten year old boy probably yes!

Wow drama llama!

I said excuse me to a lady who was blocking the fridge at my local supermarket this morning. She was scanning the shelves looking for something and I was in a mad rush to grab milk and get home to start work.

I think this situation sounds similar and I certainly wasnt being rude. I think you jumped on the offence wagon without good cause.

I would assume a child was just looking rather than doing their weekly shopping so I probably would have done the same

Life: Man does something bad...
MN: froths

Life: Man has manners, says excuse me...
MN: froths