Why would this man ask my daughter to move out of his way?

[justactingmyshoesize]

I was in a supermarket with my 10 year old dd and we walked over to the reduced fridge and I asked dd if she could see anything in there she fancied so she went over to have a look and a man walked over and looked at my daughter looking and said excuse me and expected her to move aside so he could look, she looked uncomfortable and stepped aside.

I said quite politely I think my daughter was just looking first but he ignored me and so I said quite loudly to my daughter “ you didn’t need to move out of his way as you were there first and so could continue looking but the man didn’t allow her space to until he had finished looking. It was as if my daughter was of no consequence at all.
I explained to my daughter she didn’t need to move out of his way but in the situation he didn’t give her a lot of choice.

Another thread where the op asks if they are unreasonable, then just argues with everyone telling them they are unreasonable 😂

The man did nothing wrong, a 10 year old isn't buying food. If I wanted to look in the fridge and saw a child stood there, I would assume they were bored, idly looking or something else equally unproductive. So yes, politely asking her to move was entirely reasonable.

She was there first FFS.

What a load of crap. He should have waited his turn.

But why was your DS standing directly in front of the coffee machine in the first place?

I would have asked her to move too as 10 year olds aren’t usually doing a shop.

I’m surprised that the reduced fridge was so narrow that a 10 year old could block access to it from everyone else. If someone said ‘excuse me’ to me, I would move slightly to the side so that they too could look at the contents. I’d also probably say ‘sorry, I didn't realise you couldn't see’ too.
He used his manners whilst the OP was passive aggressive.

This is why under-12s shouldn't be in supermarkets.

I often see couples standing in front of fridges where the woman is the only one actively shopping and looking. Playing devils advocate but best case scenario is that he thought she wasn’t actively looking based on her age, worst case scenario was that she wasn’t actively looking more at likely to move. Another possibility is that he could see what he wanted and planned to grab and leave.

See replies above. With me in queue. Machine set right back on counter, at arms length, one of those ones where you take a cup from a stack and put the cup underneath and press the button for your drink. Which our then 7 year old would not have done (had he been able to reach it over the three metal bars for trays, which I doubt.)

Can’t believe people are trying to justify a rude man trying to lean over a child, reach his arm right out to reach the machine and take hot coffee over that child’s head when he obviously should have waited until he was in front of the machine and it was his turn. He didn’t gain anything, still had to wait in the queue. But like those people who overtake in a 30 zone ego you then catch up with at the traffic lights.

Anyway, going off at a tangent now 😁

Why? Because it’s unusual for a child, who seems to be on their own, to be scanning the fridge, looking to choose an item. He probably thought she was just passing time waiting for you. You’re making a fuss about nothing.

Unless she was standing there for a while I think he was a bit rude, and should have waited behind her.

If its anything like the reduced cabinet in my local supermarket then you have to be right at the front to have a decent browse.

Saying excuse me to a child who is standing in front of a fridge in a supermarket is absolutely fine.

The assumption is always going to be that the kid is just following their parent round in a bored stupor, it's not like they are actually going to be food shopping.

Exactly

I don't think he did anything particularly wrong and moreover, I don't think he did anything many women wouldn't have done in the same circumstance. The fact is that adults DON'T see kids as equally valid when it comes to taking up space in society. And in this case, he (reasonably enough) will have assumed your 10 yo daughter was not doing the shop herself and was probably just loitering. He was wrong, but it's a fairly typical assumption for an adult to make.

I remember being 8 rising 9 (and looked younger) when my mum asked me to pop back to the deli counter in the local Safeway to get something she'd forgotten. I joined the queue and when it came to my turn the servers simply ignored me. I tried speaking up and they just blanked me completely and moved onto the next customer. My mum was really annoyed with me as she had to go back and get it herself.

I think adults tend to forget how kids get treated by adults (and how they were probably treated themselves as a youngster). So I don't see what this bloke did as being an instance of the patriarchy at work as opposed to simply 'adults gonna adult'.

if im in the way even if looking others are wanting to get and carry on so they even say the same to me plus for some you dont know how long a person will be etc

Mm..

Excuse me is a request, not an order - she could have (if she were assertive enough, if you've taught her this) said 'One moment I am still looking' or she could have just moved up a bit and carried on looking.

He may well think 'excuse me' is a directive to 'get out of my way immediately' but he'd be wrong.

It isn't wrong he assumed she wasn't actually looking, and we can't know if he assumed that or assumed 'she's a child so even if she is it doesn't matter' and we can really only control our own behaviour.

You're not wrong to teach her that 'excuse me' doesn't mean 'immediately defer to me and get out of my way'.

but some people in general do take a while and if a person is in a rush etc

No because he would of presumed the man was there shopping
where as a 10 year old child is generally just tagging along bored whilst there parents are shopping rather than a 10 year old actually doing the weekly shop

She is 10, she isn’t buying anything, she is just getting in the way of actual shoppers.

unless it was a single serve ice cream freezer, I can’t see why she would need to be looking in there as she wouldn’t be picking anything.

you sound mad

I see the male apologists are out in force today.

His reasoning is simply that he is a man and therefore far superior in the food chain than a 10 year old girl.

Had he genuinely not realised she was looking rather than loitering he would have acknowledged his error and apologised when the OP pointed this out.

clearly didn’t read the OP properly……

Well said! OP I get what you mean and think you handled it well. Teach your daughter to be respectful but also to stand up for herself when people (men) object to her taking up space in the world.

Some people are just plain rude and take advantage of other people's natural inclination to be polite. I've had similar when I've been looking at stuff and someone says excuse me, I indiction move first and think why after by which point they have moved into the space.

It’s not rude to say excuse me to someone. Teaching your child not to move when an adult says excuse me is absolutely bat shit. No wonder there are so many kids with no respect for adults.

@justactingmyshoesize I've experienced this as an adult; exactly the same thing, I arrived at the reduced section, was about to select something, a woman said excuse me so I presumed she wanted to reach past me for something she'd spotted but no - she just wanted to take my place so she could choose before me. Ridiculous to make up things like your DD was dreaming, he was just entitled! "Excuse me" = "Me First" on this occasion.

But you've talked about a child, a female child, and a man. On MN, man vs child means child is in the wrong, female child in particular, end of.