Why would this man ask my daughter to move out of his way?

justactingmyshoesize · 2025-06-18T10:22:06+00:00

I was in a supermarket with my 10 year old dd and we walked over to the reduced fridge and I asked dd if she could see anything in there she fancied so she went over to have a look and a man walked over and looked at my daughter looking and said excuse me and expected her to move aside so he could look, she looked uncomfortable and stepped aside. I said quite politely I think my daughter was just looking first but he ignored me and so I said quite loudly to my daughter “ you didn’t need to move out of his way as you were there first and so could continue looking but the man didn’t allow her space to until he had finished looking. It was as if my daughter was of no consequence at all. I explained to my daughter she didn’t need to move out of his way but in the situation he didn’t give her a lot of choice.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 18/06/2025 11:24

Why ask her to move? Because he knew what he wanted and was in a hurry? Why on earth shouldn't your daughter move?

givemushypeasachance · 18/06/2025 11:27

He was probably being a bit of a misogynist/ageist jerk and thinks a 10 year old girl is of little consequence compared to him so she should give him priority and space.

But small devil's advocate - if I came across a ten year old in the supermarket standing in front of a shelf I wanted to look at, I would quite possibly think that they were just loitering there while their adult shopped, daydreaming/bored etc, rather than actively perusing the shelves for something to buy. Unless it was the snacks sweets or toys aisle! So if I felt like they may be hanging around there for a while not actively shopping, and I wanted to quickly nip in and get something, I may well say excuse me so I can just quickly reach past to get XYZ and move on.

Original poster

justactingmyshoesize · 18/06/2025 11:27

He didn’t know what was there until he asked her to move and when someone is already looking it’s customary to wait while they look and then go in for a look yourself surely?

OP posts:

LadyKenya · 18/06/2025 11:32

Was there not enough room for them both though? If there were other people there, and there was no room at all, then yes he should have waited. But it sounds as if there was just your Daughter there. So what was wrong with him asking her to make space for him to look as well?

BootballJoy · 18/06/2025 11:32

I think i would have said excuse me to her as well. Ten year olds aren't usually the ones in charge of or doing the shop, I also would have assumed she was idly looking, curious, bored etc. And I always know exactly what I want and would be in and out of the fridge in seconds. (And can skim the reduced section pretty quickly!)

When you explained that she was looking for something he was wrong to ignore you, though.

Poetnojo · 18/06/2025 11:34

"But small devil's advocate - if I came across a ten year old in the supermarket standing in front of a shelf I wanted to look at, I would quite possibly think that they were just loitering there while their adult shopped, daydreaming/bored etc, rather than actively perusing the shelves for something to buy. Unless it was the snacks sweets or toys aisle! So if I felt like they may be hanging around there for a while not actively shopping, and I wanted to quickly nip in and get something, I may well say excuse me so I can just quickly reach past to get XYZ and move on."

I would assume this ☝

Walkingthedog46 · 18/06/2025 11:35

Would he have asked another man to move out of his way? I doubt it.

Seeline · 18/06/2025 11:44

Walkingthedog46 · 18/06/2025 11:35

Would he have asked another man to move out of his way? I doubt it.

He didn't ask the OPs DD to move out of the way - he simply said excuse me.

I have done that numerous times in the supermarket when someone is stood daydreaming in front of a shelf I need too get to. There is usually room for at least 2 people to look/access an area if they don't plonk themselves right in the middle.
Some people seem completely oblivious to the fact the others are also trying to shop at the same time as them.

Sansan18 · 18/06/2025 11:47

Things get competitive around the reduced section.Its an interesting learning and discussion point for your daughter.
Perhaps he was looking through necessity, either way it's rude.

purplecorkheart · 18/06/2025 11:47

Was she plonked right in the middle? I cannot imagine the fridge being so narrow that only one person could stand in front of it and block it all. Maybe he rudely was telling her to move over so they both could stand in front of the fridge.

wandawaves · 18/06/2025 11:47

Walkingthedog46 · 18/06/2025 11:35

Would he have asked another man to move out of his way? I doubt it.

Probably? Why wouldn't he? If someone's in your way, you say excuse me.

BlueandPinkSwan · 18/06/2025 11:48

Walkingthedog46 · 18/06/2025 11:35

Would he have asked another man to move out of his way? I doubt it.

Why ever not?
I, as a woman, ask regardless of age or sex, but then to quote MN I wear big girl pants and use my words.

pizzaHeart · 18/06/2025 11:50

givemushypeasachance · 18/06/2025 11:27

He was probably being a bit of a misogynist/ageist jerk and thinks a 10 year old girl is of little consequence compared to him so she should give him priority and space.

But small devil's advocate - if I came across a ten year old in the supermarket standing in front of a shelf I wanted to look at, I would quite possibly think that they were just loitering there while their adult shopped, daydreaming/bored etc, rather than actively perusing the shelves for something to buy. Unless it was the snacks sweets or toys aisle! So if I felt like they may be hanging around there for a while not actively shopping, and I wanted to quickly nip in and get something, I may well say excuse me so I can just quickly reach past to get XYZ and move on.

I agree with this^
He didn’t consider her as a genuine customer due to her age which was a reasonable mistake imo.
However not changing behaviour after OP’s clarification was rude.

DaisyChain505 · 18/06/2025 11:52

You’re thinking far too much into this.

If there was a child stood in front of a fridge/food section I needed to get to and they were In my way yes I would say excuse me.

newhouseplans · 18/06/2025 11:52

BlueandPinkSwan · 18/06/2025 11:48

Why ever not?
I, as a woman, ask regardless of age or sex, but then to quote MN I wear big girl pants and use my words.

Show quote history

Why? Because many, many men see women and children as inferior and disrespect us in situations where they'd respect / listen to an adult man.

If you've not noticed this yet, be thankful, but please don't dismiss those who have.

Gall10 · 18/06/2025 11:52

BootballJoy · 18/06/2025 11:32

I think i would have said excuse me to her as well. Ten year olds aren't usually the ones in charge of or doing the shop, I also would have assumed she was idly looking, curious, bored etc. And I always know exactly what I want and would be in and out of the fridge in seconds. (And can skim the reduced section pretty quickly!)

When you explained that she was looking for something he was wrong to ignore you, though.

I can spot a yellow sticker in M&S before I even get in the shop!

CurlewKate · 18/06/2025 11:54

He probably assumed she wasn’t shopping, just waiting for you. So long as he was polite then I can’t actually see an issue…

stayathomer · 18/06/2025 11:54

Sorry op I disagree with how you went about this, you made something into a big deal when it wasn’t, your daughter was probably surprised/ shocked but then you added to it. People should move out of the way for others if they’ve said excuse me!

Middlechild3 · 18/06/2025 11:56

justactingmyshoesize · 18/06/2025 11:27

He didn’t know what was there until he asked her to move and when someone is already looking it’s customary to wait while they look and then go in for a look yourself surely?

Not a 10 year old no, I wouldn't have thought she was making supermarket purchasing decisions either and also would have asked her to move.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/06/2025 11:56

I often experienced similar when our kids were younger.
Worst was an older man literally reaching over the head of my son to get to the coffee machine then trying to lift the hot coffee right over his head.

I gave him what for. Thankfully, the woman on the till gave him short shrift, too. He couldn’t see what he’d done wrong.

As they became older, they would ask if they could go to the kiosk at theme parks, etc. to choose their own food. Adults would often barge in front of them in the queue,

Again, I wouldn’t tolerate it and intervened. Tbf, most were a bit sheepish and apologised.

dairydebris · 18/06/2025 11:57

In what world is an adult asking a child to excuse me in a supermarket at all rude? Jesus.

BuckaDuck · 18/06/2025 11:58

He probably assumed she wasn’t shopping, just waiting for you. So long as he was polite then I can’t actually see an issue…

I would have made the same assumption and as a mother of 4 who has taken her 10 yo shopping yes they mostly just stood around waitng for me so inadvertently got in people's way. As he polity said excuse me I really don't understand your issue?

BlueandPinkSwan · 18/06/2025 11:59

newhouseplans · 18/06/2025 11:52

Why? Because many, many men see women and children as inferior and disrespect us in situations where they'd respect / listen to an adult man.

If you've not noticed this yet, be thankful, but please don't dismiss those who have.

Show quote history

Because there are so many women who have been bought up to be people pleaser, made to feel guilty and this filters down to their girls. Always reading about it on here. Not their fault but things need to change. I, for one will not lay down and accept it.
I speak up for all women and girls in a polite manner, it reminds men and boys even for a momoent or two that women exsist in a capacity to speak out.
I have been the victim of abuse and dv many years ago.
But age has allowed me to speak and I will always stand up for a woman or girl if I felt they needing support.

Sunshinegalhere · 18/06/2025 12:00

Without being there and witnessing the whole situation I’m going to say YABU.

Because if I saw a child looking at a display in the supermarket I would also assume they wasn’t buying anything due to their age and was just having a look.

He said “excuse me” not “get out the fing way!”

I think you need to give him a bit of grace and accept he most likely did not realise you asked your 10 year old to go get something from the shelves.

Bitzee · 18/06/2025 12:01

I think you’re being really strange about thre whole thing. He didn’t ask her to move, he said excuse me. Which is perfectly polite. Unless this was the worlds smallest supermarket fridge I’m sure that by your DD stepping aside slightly they could have both viewed the items at the same time. A 10YO also isn’t doing a weekly shop with their own money so there’s also probably a presumption she was just waiting there randomly for her parent rather than actually perusing the items. Perhaps he also knew exactly what he wanted and just wanted to grab that but your daughter was in the way. And I can see why he ignored you tbh- probably to avoid engaging because you sounded a bit mental.