Why would this man ask my daughter to move out of his way?

[justactingmyshoesize]

I was in a supermarket with my 10 year old dd and we walked over to the reduced fridge and I asked dd if she could see anything in there she fancied so she went over to have a look and a man walked over and looked at my daughter looking and said excuse me and expected her to move aside so he could look, she looked uncomfortable and stepped aside.

I said quite politely I think my daughter was just looking first but he ignored me and so I said quite loudly to my daughter “ you didn’t need to move out of his way as you were there first and so could continue looking but the man didn’t allow her space to until he had finished looking. It was as if my daughter was of no consequence at all.
I explained to my daughter she didn’t need to move out of his way but in the situation he didn’t give her a lot of choice.

Me too .

Such a none issue, I’ve had people say excuse me to me and shuffled along so they can see or grab something and asked others the same.

Slow news day, huh?

I know where things are in my supermarket - I go to the fridge bit and open the door and get what I’m looking for. I don’t need to hang around looking through all the windows and acquainting myself with what’s on offer.

If he asked nicely I see nothing wrong with what he did. Nobody wants to queue up endlessly behind an indecisive child just to get their frozen peas and move on with their day.

Ok but it’s a one door fridge and only one person can get to the shelf at a time and she was looking and by him saying excuse me just meant that he was there instead of her and when I said she could still look he wouldn’t make room for her to do so which shows he just wanted her to let him in and wait until he’d finished then she could continue her turn.
I would look very rude if I said excuse me and expected someone who was looking to come out and let me go first.
People usually stand behind the person looking until they go and they can get there

It sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill. He probably assumed (not unreasonably) that your child was just looking, rather than actively choosing. Even when you came over, you said she could still look (not still choose) which probably just confirmed in his mind that your child was not actually shopping.

It's all just a misunderstanding, he wasn't rude, just there was poor communication between both adults and your child.

"excuse me" / "sorry" / "can I just..." - fine

"move out of my way." - not fine

Yabu and dealt with it wrong op. He politely said excuse me to a child hanging around a shelf he wanted to look at.

Dear Lord. Just move to the side so he can have a look as well. No wonder we’re going to the dogs.

She's a child not an adult! Children are not equal to adults in this situation! And nor should they be!

Why is a child who is genuinely looking for something to buy not equal to an adult who is looking for something to buy?

I think in this circumstance there was probably miscommunication and he should have apologised and moved back to let your daughter finish her “turn”, but a lot of people sadly don’t see children as equals.

But he'd probably have asked a 10yo boy to move out his way. That's the better comparison.

I agree he probably just thought she was loitering/daydreaming. 10yos aren't normally in charge of choosing groceries.

Yes to all of this !

He didn't ask the OPs DD to move out of the way - he simply said excuse me.

^This
The rest of it is entirely in the OP's head, and to be honest she was equally rude (if he was being rude, and I am not convinced) in her passive-aggressive response (which I would also have ignored).

There is a fine line between taking legitimate time to choose an item and dithering and stopping other people getting their stuff.

I wouldn't make too much of an issue of it, and if I was spending a long time (I don't) and someone asked me to move I would move, let them get what they wanted and then go back to selecting an item. I wouldn't let it ruin my day or hopefully theirs.

People that block access to products through excessive dithering are incredibly annoying. But what constitutes excessive dithering is very subjective.

Why? Because many, many men see women and children as inferior and disrespect us in situations where they'd respect / listen to an adult man.
If you've not noticed this yet, be thankful, but please don't dismiss those who have.

While I agree with thi, I also agree with others that she was just there loitering while you were looking at something else.

I've asked people of both sexes and all ages to let me get things out of fridges/off shelves when I have known exactly what I want and they've been spending a long time choosing and I've had it done to me when the situation has been reversed. As long as the person asks politely I don't see it as an issue at all. Someone barging through, speaking rudely or grabbing the last item from in front of someone who was just about to pick it up would be a different matter but surely "Excuse me" is exactly the right thing to say in such circumstances?

Did you report to the police?

Why not ?I was in Aldi yesterday and wanted to get some prawns and somebody was dithering at the fish cool cabinet I said excuse me and reached over and got my prawns
But of course this is mumsnet and everyone has to find offennce in everything paticularly if its a man.

I do think saying “excuse me “ to anyone who is dithering is ok if you’re in a hurry. Must admit I don’t tend to do this as I’m not in a hurry. But I wouldn’t mind if someone did it to me.

what does bug me is when I’m moving quickly and not dithering at all and someone says excuse me. A woman did it to me in Aldi the other week, I was opening a fridge door and reached for something while she appeared, bellowed excuse me and reached past me. She then did the same to other people all the way up the aisle. Was close to yanking her out the fridge.

Yeah I echo this.

i use the reduced section regularly and it’s wait your turn even if it’s a kid looking. My dd knows to pick up any mince/sausage from the reduced section we divide and conquer in the shop as I have a toddler in tow. I’d expect there are lots of kids from low income families helping the parent shop this way.

its incredibly common for people to push in. Not exclusively men but they are by far the worst culprits.

sgocked people are being so dismissive of this. Op said she said explained dd didn’t have to move and he ignored them. If he made a genuine mistake not realising he kid was actively shopping he would have said oops sorry here I will make space.

If he knew what he wanted to grab without having to look first the okay. But he asked her to move whilst looking so he could look which is just selfish. People can be awful

But most of us would just ask another adult nicely if we could please quickly nip around them to open the door. It’s nothing to do with equality or discrimination against children FGS.

I don't see an issue. Most 10 year olds don't do the shopping or decide what goesin the basket, so he probably thought she was just standing there or probably didn't give it much thought.

It has nothing to do with her being a girl ffs. Accusing every man of being a chauvinistic pig is just watering down real problem misogynistic behaviour.

Yes, but it doesn’t sound as though he did just want to nip around her to get something - he wanted her to move so he could look.

She really didn't have to move op, she has as much right to look as him, and she was there first.

I guess because in a confined space it's polite to wait for the person who is already ahead of you to finish? You can't just barge to the front of a queue and demand to be let in at the front because you are in a hurry. The OP's daughter was already there. The man should have waited for her to finish.