To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

[saynn]

Which is horrible but hear me out. They are 4 (5 in October, start school then) and 1 (2 in August.) I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off with them. And I hate it.

I know it’s horrible but it’s the way it’s just impossible to get anything done at all without someone wanting something, whining, falling out, demanding something. I know I need to lower standards but I do find it hard when there’s a mess or something and plus we do need to eat!

I do take them out as much as I can but even that’s getting to be hard work as one is a very slow walker and the other a very speedy runner.

I’m desperately counting the days until my older child starts school as both of them together just about finishes me off.

Go back to work FT if its such a crock of shit...

More money and you'll be able to retire early (higher pension contributions)

🙁

I felt exactly the same as you, hence going back full time! They love nursery, we get more money, more pension etc and I look forward to spending time with them and DH at the weekend when we can take one kid each if necessary!

I would give up on getting stuff done. I focused on having a routine on days off when they were young.
So up breakfast and then toddler group. Home for lunch and nap (or park and pack lunch so younger one naps in buggy)
Then afternoon activities at home or in garden.

The issues with this are

1. i changed my contract. I can’t just click my fingers and have a full time contract again.
2. if I could, it would be in several months’ time when
3. the eldest will be in school anyway and one child at a time is manageable, even enjoyable, and
4. I need to be part time due to school hours, so someone can pick up and drop off, and
5. most pertinently, I hate the days off work but my children don’t.

Perhaps I should have explained all of this above. I always get a feeling of dread on Tuesdays.

This is really sad 🥺 I found the balance between working and days off with the kids such joy (I’m now a SAHM). I hope you can see the positive impact you are having on your children by spending time with them mid week. You are so lucky to be able to do this. The housework can wait, just let your patient side come out and see the joy in the little things ☺️

They are only this little once ❤️

@Hankunamatata one of the issues is that DC1 is way too old for toddler groups. The oldest children there are around three, most between 18 months and two. He is five in a few months.

Naps are an issue as I have a buggy refuser for naps. Life would be easier if she wasn’t …

Okay so...

Is the dread that you cant do house work or that you dread spending time with your kids?

Asking so I can attempt practical advice

Dreaded soft play? I used to go two morning a week over the summer when toddlers wasnt on

Is the eldest not in nursery on your days off?

Yes, it's really hard with that age gap and I can see why you're not enjoying it. Ours are also 4 and 1, and they are in nursery full time because DP and I are both working. But that means that it's not the norm for one of us to have to look after both together and if we do, it's only enjoyable if we're not also trying to get stuff done, or if we plan it with military precision. When DP goes away I tend to get up earlier so I can set up breakfast and anything else I want to get done in advance, and I either cook for the next day after they've gone to bed, or we have something really easy that I know they'll both eat. If the older one needs a bit of space from the younger one we let him eat on his own as a picnic in the garden. Luckily the little one has a chunky (up to 3 hours!) nap after lunch so that's when the older one can get more one on one attention and I can get some housework done, sometimes with his 'help'. We're also lucky that both are okay at playing on their own for short stretches, and we set up the big one's stuff like jigsaws, lego, drawing etc. on a higher table so he can do that without toddler interference. Finally, I think the younger one ends up in his buggy a bit more if we're out together than he would if his older brother wasn't there - otherwise it's hard to handle two running off in opposite directions.

I reckon the housework is kind of a red herring - it wouldn't be done during the day if you were able to work full time, so it can get done in the evenings/weekends just as it would if you were at work, and your partner, if you have one, can also do some.

Don't try and get anymore than the bare essentials done. Batch cook at the weekend/during the week or do a really easy, basic dinner on these days.

With the walking, use a buggy or a scooter for the slow one.

Make sure you get an hour to sit down in the middle of the day by having nap/quiet time. Or use TV if necessary.

Have a plan for the day, this helps massively. If you can keep this consistent week on week that will really help as once you/they know the routine it'll run far more smoothly. It's a bit like Groundhog Day, you iron out the creases over time!

To be honest I’m not looking for practical advice so much as sharing my dread feeling. It really is like a form of Sunday blues.

It isn’t spending time with my kids as such. It’s the fact that both together they are a lot. The noise and the mess is awful. My solution always used to be taking them out which I still do but it isn’t always easy to find nice things we can all do. If I just had my eldest I’d be doing lots of exciting things but I can’t do that easily with my younger one. If I just had her then I could do the toddler groups and the like.

Here as a mum of twins to make you realise it could be worse .

1. Two outings a day, morning and afternoon
2. Slower walker in a pram, and/or you go somewhere contained so elder can hare off (safely)
3. Forget about housework
4. Meals - sandwiches with cucumber sticks, make the evening before. Even better if they'll sit for a picnic out.
5. When younger one naps older one watches a little TV and you zone out too / browse your phone / do a chore.

It's hell being at home with wee ones. I hate the judgement from pp it's lovely and you should cherish every moment. They are only young once. Honestly it's hard with a 1 and 4 year old. The whining used to get to me aswel. I used to wish I was still at work.

Get a routine for your days off.
how do you spend the weekends?

This makes me sad, I'm the opposite, dread work days haha.
You definitely need to change your expectation, the reason you're not working on these days are to look after your children, not for other chores although agree these do need to happen.
Find an activity or group you can take them both too in the morning, everyone up, breakfast and out the house. Home for lunch then children will likely nap of at least have quiet time while you get a bit caught up then another activity in the afternoon, walk to the park or something.
Please try to embrace it, these years pass so fast 🙃

@SUPerSaver721 Yikes! Never said to cherish every moment. I’ve got 3 under 5, they are supposed to make noise and be children.

I think we have a fairly good routine. It doesn’t make it enjoyable though. There are small things - like my younger one hates her pushchair and refuses it. Now that’s OK; sometimes she just has to, but it’s not really enjoyable for anyone to have a whining, grouchy, tearful toddler trying to escape and getting increasingly frustrated. So mostly I avoid if possible.

We do go to parks, walks, ponds, feed the ducks, have been to castles and national trust events and the like, but yes sue me for not loving it all 😂

Same. I don’t like the judgment either.

It often depends on the child’s demeanour and personality. It’s as if some forget that children have their own and sometimes it doesn’t gel with yours or their other sibling and it makes things more difficult, doesn’t mean you don’t love or enjoy some things with them.

I hear you. I found that stage very difficult with two, and you have a particularly tricky age gap (just now - it won’t always be like this). Moan away.

Oh god yeah that age is awful. It will eventually get better x

It's hard work being a mum! I guess it's about giving them the best day you can, and if that means forgoing chores then so be it. I do get where you are coming from though.....

Thats sad to be honest, it's hard yes but like anything in life it's what you make of it. Lower your expectations on what you're wanting to achieve outside of childcare and try and have some fun. You'll miss them when they're at school every day or you're at work full time.

I am not surprised OP. I was SAHM for a while and it is a myth that you get to catch up on housework and have downtime, certainly if you have more than one. I often used to envy FT parents getting a 30 min lunch break. I also was working til about 10pm at night to get organised for the next day and beyond. It was frustrating hearing FT workers implying they were the only ones that were busy 24/7. Minding a 1 yr old for an extra 8 hours is an occupation, that's why we pay so much for childminders. All that said, it gets much much easier as they get older and beyond the toddler years.

Try to prep dinners or snacks or whatever the night before same as you would do if you were working all day. Set up play areas and activities in advance and let them play they shouldn't keep making you play with them, the whole point is they play themselves.

It might be worth doing out a routine, the 4 yr old is old enough to understand this. Allocate time for quiet time when baby sleeps and 4 yr old has to leave you alone for 30 mins or so. You can get your bits at home done then and have a 10 min break too. Also don't be afraid to be firm with them, at almost 5 they are capable of leaving you take a break. Free play, art, snack, outdoor time, lunch, nap & quiet time, free play, garden etc etc.

Also don't feel guilty. There is a reason women mostly decided to move into the workforce. Being at home with kids is really difficult. Many parents who do PT (in my experience) find kids act up way more with them than they would at childminder or with SAHM.