To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

[saynn]

Which is horrible but hear me out. They are 4 (5 in October, start school then) and 1 (2 in August.) I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off with them. And I hate it.

I know it’s horrible but it’s the way it’s just impossible to get anything done at all without someone wanting something, whining, falling out, demanding something. I know I need to lower standards but I do find it hard when there’s a mess or something and plus we do need to eat!

I do take them out as much as I can but even that’s getting to be hard work as one is a very slow walker and the other a very speedy runner.

I’m desperately counting the days until my older child starts school as both of them together just about finishes me off.

edited as I’ve cross posted with OP who did go to classes.

Ginnyandgeorgia just wants to mum shame

Hello from the future, OP. Mine are (nearly) 6 and 3 and this time last year I could have written your post. We're now approaching the end of DS1's first year of school and OMG it is so different and lovely. DS2 is like the cat that got the cream on my days off when it's just the two of us, I can enjoy him like I enjoyed my eldest as a newborn - pure simplicity and fun - and I look forward to planned one-on-one days with my eldest when we can do proper big boy things without little one throwing his weight around! You suddenly get all this space to meet their needs individually - and maybe start to think about your own, too!

Someone else has already mentioned this but my strategy for getting through the final 6 months with both of them was to shove on a 90-minute Disney film while the youngest napped, and use that time to tidy up/"rest my eyes" on the sofa or just stare into my phone for a bit, whichever felt the most necessary on the day!

You are SO nearly there, just got to dig deep for the last stretch and honestly by Christmas you'll really be starting to appreciate the loveliness of this next stage. Sending so much solidarity and good luck to you 🌱☀️

Maybe. But time with small children can never be had back. She just needs to stop angsting about housework and get out the floor paints, the story books, the toys and play with the DC.

How dreadful. I sent mine to nursery for that kind of stuff. So glad those days can never be had back

Why is it dreadful? It's fun. Reading picture books - many of which are beautiful and well-written - is delightful, I would read several to DS and DD on the trot. Sitting in the garden doing not much more than watch them splash in a paddling pool. Showing them pictures in the Uffizi (DD still remembers seeing Fra Angelico's Annunciation and we are agreed that Botticelli's anatomy, as shown in La Primavera, is crap) or St Mark's in Venice (went again with DD, she remembered the horses outside and the darkness inside). Painting, doing puzzles, playing make-believe with toys on the floor, watching DS build endless walls and forts with bricks - and I can read a book while he does this.
Meeting friends at coffee morning, making bread with the DC at home...
Entirely enjoyable. Better than going out to work by several country miles.

Not fun for everyone. Might be for you. I found backpacking in Asia with teenager much more fun

It isn't my idea of fun at all. I do those things because I have to.

I can't wait until they are older and have better interests than playing make believe with toys on the floor.

Well, I would likely have found that fun too - bearing in mind that I would be wary of backpacking in India.

That's how they begin their interests. If you have no input there then you may find they have no interests later. Playing make-believe, stimulating the imagination, starts there on the floor with the Lego and the paint and with the story books. But I like reading - not everyone does, I realise.
And your DC will pick up that you are doing this play as a duty - it won't help them grow their imagination. Books, books and more books, paint and mess and Lego and bricks, build a child's capacity to imagine and also you are teaching them second order knowledge - the stuff we do not pick up naturally, simple science, how to draw, natural history.

Should add I would be very wary of such a trip in India even if teenager was a boy. With a girl it would be an absolute nightmare of careful chaperonage. Pretty sure my relatives would say it was highly inadvisable.

OP it can feel tough with the ages yours are, but make it your mission to have some fun!

Put on your fave music and have a dance together in your kitchen. Not kids music, your music! Always lightens the mood. Bring out a few classic action dances, be silly! Twirl your older one, swoosh your younger one. Let them see the real you.

Snuggle up and relive your favourite childhood movies. Share your interests, do what you enjoyed doing best as a child with them, and tell them that. They love getting to know you too. This gets even easier and better as they get a bit older.

Take things at their pace.

Smile at them and watch them smile at you. Tickle them. Laugh and watch them laugh with you.

You are powerful and inspiring, and can create and change the whole feel and atmosphere of your day.

Well, I can't force myself to enjoy pretend play or painting so it is what it is. I do enjoy reading but not toddler books. So far, so good with their imaginations.

I've travelled alone there for a month. Why is it so much more dangerous with a teenager in tow?

It wasn't India I took him to anyway . Not sure where you got that idea

Have you tried books such as 'Where the Wild Things Are', 'The Tiger Who Came to Tea', 'Mr Rabbit and the Lovely Present', 'Rosie's Walk', 'Room on the Broom', the Meg and Mog books, 'Mog the Forgetful Cat'? Books which are wonderful to read, and wonderfully illustrated. Have a look. You need to feed your DC's imagination...and your own.

You were lucky, I think. My DD aged 15, visiting relatives, was not allowed out without a chaperone (and I endorse this and I do not come from that culture) - because unaccompanied women are liable at least to harassment. India has a culture of misogyny which women there are fighting hard. Rapists are often supported by their families and clans and women blamed for the attack. It is not safe for women on their own, really it is not.

Many many people do it. Tbh I had more hassle in Egypt and Turkey. . Mind you I was in my 40s not a teenager and an experienced traveller.

Many many women travel alone all over the world. That's a post for another thread though

Of course I have. I agree that they are wonderfully illustrated but I didn't consider them wonderful to read, particularly The Tiger Who Came to Tea. I really don't understand the fuss with that one.

As I said, I do these things daily but they aren't enjoyable to me.

I remember having the read the Mr Men books over and over at one stage. It's a faze, they are teens and quite miss the times of reading to them now.

*phase

Talk to DP so they understand nothing gets done on those days. Accept the mess and a quick meal. My mother was a SAHM but didn't want to be with me just wanted to do housework and cook from scratch, bake etc. Create a good routine as it does help.

The Tiger who Came to Tea (and other books by Judith Kerr) have a simplicity of diction and syntax with which children can engage whilst also containing a complex story with imaginative undertones that can be discussed with children - and Kerr illustrated her own work so that the pictures reflect the text well. It's as beautiful in its way as a Shakespeare sonnet or the opening of 'Bleak House', or 'Emma'. It's literature and is a book (like the others I mentioned) that feeds a child's imagination and can be read again and again. I was as curious as my DC what happened to the tiger and where he had come from! As for Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are it illustrates the consequences of tantrums but also that mum will always love you. Entrancing and an important message for children.
What is it that you enjoy that you cannot enjoy beautiful children's books? (My DD still reads E. Nesbit and she is well past childhood and likes Austen, McEwan and also G. Heyer's deeply funny historical romances. Can't stand Dickens, sadly, had a bad case of 'Hard Times' for A level.)

I'm very aware of the benefits of reading to children and for the 3rd time, I do it daily so I'm not sure why you keep acting like I'm unaware of the benefits. I am, I still find it dull and I can't help that.

I found the time when I had a four year old and a baby and worked three days the best time of my life. However, it’s not for everyone. It’ll be different when your son starts school. I suppose you just have to hang on till then.

I think the other thing is it takes minutes, especially for really young toddlers. DS is literally just starting to get into slightly longer books like The Enormous Crocodile and it’s lovely but there’s no way my toddler has the attention span for that! Anyway, today we’ve had swimming lessons, an outdoor craft session based around bug hunts and a walk round a pond so hopefully no one will shout at me for daring to wipe the surfaces or put a wash on.

Exactly.

It can absolutely be tedious to read with a toddler, especially a young toddler with very little attention span who is more interested in just turning the pages or looking at the book themselves (upside down, of course).