To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

[saynn]

Which is horrible but hear me out. They are 4 (5 in October, start school then) and 1 (2 in August.) I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off with them. And I hate it.

I know it’s horrible but it’s the way it’s just impossible to get anything done at all without someone wanting something, whining, falling out, demanding something. I know I need to lower standards but I do find it hard when there’s a mess or something and plus we do need to eat!

I do take them out as much as I can but even that’s getting to be hard work as one is a very slow walker and the other a very speedy runner.

I’m desperately counting the days until my older child starts school as both of them together just about finishes me off.

Maybe look for some summer groups or activities the elder one can go over the summer, where you drop them off for a bit and pick them up later, if they link in with the days off, maybe something like a swimming club or we had a city farm group where they helped with animals.

Good for them too when starting school soon

Which I am doing, and always have.

you are being ridiculous, sorry.

They're kids, someone might fall out, so what. You don't push them from a cliff. They do fall at nursery, don't they?

You are making sound so much harder than it needs to be.

Fucking hell does anyone on this site actually like being with their kids at all?

@saynn it is hard - I wish I had more fond memories of the under 5 years but when they were that age, there was no overlap in what they wanted to do. I recognise it’s something about me - I remember a mum saying she just couldn’t understand anyone finding small children difficult and feeling like such a failure..

My children were both an absolute delight 5 and over…we all enjoy different things. My teen is brilliant.

I have to ask why did you have children? It’s clear you don’t like children otherwise you love the time you have off with them.

There's enough time first thing in the morning or when you make diner and tidy up for them to have downtime.

My kids need to run around and be active. We would all go stir crazy stuck at home doing nothing.

Get a backpack carrier (not one of those high up hiking ones and shove the baby on your back. You might find she goes to sleep or maybe not but then you aren't beholden to the pushchair and nap recusal that way. If you need a bag put a rucksack on your front.

My son started getting fussy in his pushchair so I got a trike, so brilliant as he felt included and could see everything around him, since your little one won't nap in a buggy anyway it might be worth trying a trike as they can't nap in them anyway.

The problem is that young children are always "on".

Some people think about their "me time" and that they can just chill and do nothing while their kids entertain themselves. It's a shock when they realise the children are there, and even when they play independently, you are still the responsible adult.

It's sad.

I relate too, OP. I was lucky that ds1 started nursery at 4. But we are nearly at the summer hols, so I guess it's too late for that for you.

Its sooo much easier if you have friends with kiddies about the same age, or if you have family nearby. Ime the people who enjoyed the early years had other adults around them. (I didn't.)

Swimming helped me a lot cause we all liked being on the water. And daytime baths are a godsend too if you are stuck for activities (or a paddling pool at this time of year.) Picnics on the lawn, plus a sandpit can be good.

Hang on in there. It will be so much easier when your eldest starts school.

I have to ask why did you have children? It’s clear you don’t like children otherwise you love the time you have off with them.

This is utter judgmental bollocks. I both like and love my children, but I don't love trying to meet the needs of both a 1 year old and a 4 year old at the same time when they are both crying (the 4yo about the fact that the 1yo is being too loud, ironically) and I am trying to cook dinner at the same time.

Oh don't be so ridiculous! Nobody can predict how much they'll enjoy parenting. You could have wanted DC for 20 years, give birth and discover that expectation bears no relation to reality. That's because motherhood is one of the biggest mis-selling scams going.

Preach 🙌🏼

You can also be a great parent to one kid at a time and find the combination utterly overwhelming. I know I did!

That is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.

Do you do anything for yourself on the days off?
I always go Westfield on my day with dc
Breakfast, walk, coffee, stroll/play in hamleys
ice cream , lunch there
home, nap film

Part of the purpose of a site like Mumsnet is to allow people to offer each other support. Not to spin motherhood into some sort of 24/7 sugar-candy dream. Anyone with kids knows the reality is a hell of a lot more nuanced.

I get where you are coming from -l have toddler twins, don't work a Tuesday and the weather has made them extra cranky today. I am having low expectations for everyone today. We grabbed a few bits and bobs, then went to a local park which was somehow quiet and shady. Plus plenty of picking my battles e.g. one of them carrying a bottle of washing up liquid in the pushchair. Currently trying to use nap time to relax rather than doing chores like l often do. Probably going to put the TV on later as they are so tired so won't be up for playing -they got up about 1-1.5 hours earlier than normal today thanks to the heat and sun. It doesn't help my husband works until 830pm on a Tuesday

I'm not finding the judgemental answers on this thread that helpful and l doubt OP is... It's pretty obvious they are only young once 🙄

Also, while I think that the combination of ages here is difficult for everyone (and I am hoping it gets easier when the elder is more independent and the younger is less of a liability), they're all slightly different. I am lucky enough to have a 1yo who genuinely likes tidying up and will sit taking things out of a box and then putting them back in again. He will also, given the opportunity, nap for three hours. Also, both my children are gluttons who will spend ages having meals so I have plenty of time to tidy up most of the lunch stuff while they're still sitting there eating it. And they stay in bed till I'm ready for them to get up. If none of the above applied, I would have to totally rethink my solo-parenting-both-children strategy.

See when I took my 2 to those kind of places it involved fighting in the car, whinging at the venue with constant wants ( no we cannot take a tiger home - eldest) and falling into a pile of horse manure ( youngest)

The falling over constantly, crying over nonsense etc.

Glad I'm shot of all that. Would never be taking more than one grandchild a time out

Ok so mine are now 20 and 18 BUT my goodness the summer before the eldest went to school was horrendous - I remember it well - mostly posting to say I hear you (and can remember it).

for what it’s worth - it does get easier - it’s only want 10/12 weeks so 24 days to endure / enjoy then it will change and you’ll have the fun of school runs and having to get the toddler out of the house (and to school if you’re all going).

I am assuming you’ve got a partner - and if so then maybe tell them how you’re feeling and try and find a way to do chores / jobs etc when they’re around and you can tag team - my husband was really kind once he understood -he would take them off to the bath / bed and then we’d clear up together once I had had a lie down and felt a little bit more sane.

all I’m saying is hang in there, it will change , I am not saying it will be easier but peak parenting for me was around 7-9 ish before hormones but try to focus on what they do that makes you smile, don’t react when they are pillocks and be kind to you x

I get it OP, don't worry. Small children are hard work. I dreaded my Fridays with my son until he was about 3.5, then it got easier and by the time he started school I was enjoying them and missed them. Now he's 6 and I love a day off with him!

I look back at photos of him age about 2 now and think he's so cute and wish I'd enjoyed it more, but at the time I was so overwhelmed with not really knowing how to parent a toddler, feeling like I was doing everything wrong, the house being a tip, not enough sleep because of teething, tantrums and whining - it was all just too much. A day working was much easier, I knew what I was doing there.

I used to stick to a routine - prep nappy bag, lunch and snacks the night before, out the door by 9am, factor in something I enjoy (pick up a nice lunch, or visit a pretty garden), nap in the car and transfer to cot, then after nap a local walk and then TV until Cbeebies closed 😂We would try to do housework at weekends, but tbh it was a mess most of the time.

I know it's not all rainbows and sunshine all the time - the other day my son started his day at 2am and didn't stop until 9pm. I get it can be hard and I get people need to vent sometimes.

But honestly the sheer volume of "I hate weekends" "I can't wait until the holidays are over" or basically every other thread being, essentially, I don't like being around my kids... Mostly regarding perfectly normal little kid behaviour. It is just getting ridiculous.

Always backed up by pages of "oh yeah it's shite isn't it, I hated it, can't you work more/put them in clubs/do anything so you're not with them as much" ... but at some point, parents need to be with their kids and find ways to enjoy/make the best of it.

Places like this can be a life line, but they can also be a very negative echo chamber and that's something I'm noticing more and more recently.

How do you know before you have kids what stage you like? Or the fact that one child is copeable but 2 turns into chaos etc. or you prefer little babies but 7 year olds get on your wick?.

You are basically stuck once you have them and need to make the best of it. OP could for example in a few years enjoy backpacking the world with 2 teenagers. Why is it only the young child stage every seems to think you should cherish?