To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

[saynn]

Which is horrible but hear me out. They are 4 (5 in October, start school then) and 1 (2 in August.) I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off with them. And I hate it.

I know it’s horrible but it’s the way it’s just impossible to get anything done at all without someone wanting something, whining, falling out, demanding something. I know I need to lower standards but I do find it hard when there’s a mess or something and plus we do need to eat!

I do take them out as much as I can but even that’s getting to be hard work as one is a very slow walker and the other a very speedy runner.

I’m desperately counting the days until my older child starts school as both of them together just about finishes me off.

They are lovely apart. Really lovely children. Together in just don’t get a chance to take a breath. The talking and the demanding and the asking the same question fifty times and …

I have been queen of toddler groups but my older one is just too old. He’s twice the size of most of the other children. And while I don’t have an endless list of chores the sort of mess the children can make isn’t sustainable in terms of ignoring it all day. Otherwise I’d be breaking my neck on toys.

Yeah i totally get you OP. I have a day at home with my toddler midweek, she is in the bloody depths of the terrible twos and it is without a doubt the most difficult and exhausting day of the week. Doesn't help that I'm pregnant and absolutely shattered myself. So i view it as a "cheat day." Easy meals, stories, TV if you need it, absolutely no housework or tidying that day. Bribes to get in the buggy/wash hands or whatever. Many snacks. If I keep her fed and the tantrums to a bare minimum I feel like it's a win.

I found being pregnant with a child that age very hard @Emilysmum90 and I am so glad I don’t have to do it again!

That’s sad to read.

Don’t try and do household stuff on those days. Devote them to the children as though that’s your job.

I often think I’d love to go back and have my children that age again. Just for a day mind, I’m not insane 😂

don’t try to do household stuff

Some stuff does need doing though, with the best will in the world. I don’t expect them to leave me to it for hours and hours but I do need to prepare meals for them, clear up spills, put toys away and wipe down surfaces, maybe put a wash on. That’s literally the level of household chores we’re talking about here.

I genuinely don’t think it’s good for them or me to have a cluttered and messy environment, lived in yes, tip, no!

I just want to add that because my DP and I both work full time and both sometimes go away for work (or pleasure!), we both know how relentless it is looking after both kids together and we make sure we lavish praise and gratitude on the other whenever she has been doing it. So please do make sure your partner knows how much effort it is!

I would get them to help with all of those things. They will be done slower but it will fill the time

Are you able to put 1 year old into nursery/childcare for an extra morning on either Wednesday or Thursday? Then when your 4 year old starts school you’ll have a morning once a week by yourself to chill, have some time out.

What is the rest of your week like, do you have a partner? Are you having any me time in the evenings? I feel like having a social life and having an evening to myself really helps set the week off straight.

I also do think it’s not realistic to not do any housework on the days you do not work :( I work part time too!

Have you posted about this before OP or another similar mum has written something very similar!

I think that is a Hard age for it. They have different needs at 1 and 4 as well.

I definitely don't judge as I increased my 3 Yr old to 9 til 3 daily from mornings even tho I could have collected her some days earlier. As I also found it a slog

But. There have been times I enjoyed the days of park plays etc

Do you get enough socialising into your data ?! I mean I'd just try and massively fill the time with meeting up with other mums and kids and being out most of the day

I think there a lot of us out there …

Christ @saynn youve been given a hard time here. Totally understand and that age gap is hard to meet both of their needs. The best advice I could give is to split them up. Could you put one in nursery and extra day each? For example Tuesday baby goes to nursery and you have a day with eldest, Thursday eldest goes in, you have baby. I bet you’d actually enjoy spending time with them individually. Appreciate that Costa money tho.

the sort of mess the children can make isn’t sustainable in terms of ignoring it all day. Otherwise I’d be breaking my neck on toys.

This is actually easily sorted, children and babies can tidy up, they choose not to. I wish i had this life lesson when I was a SAHM but I work in childcare now and I do not bend down and pick up a toy ever because the children have to do it. Thats the rule, if you dont tidy it you will not be allowed play with it next time. A baby can't sort out stuff but can retrieve something if you hold out the right box. The 4 yr old can tidy up as well as an adult, you might just need to wipe down or whatever afterwards. They will moan and cry and say they can't do it but I can guarantee they can unless there is SEN. If you can master this you day gets a lot easier but expect a few difficult days at the start. Reward charts and a special song playing help but honestly, the 'fine I'll take it away then..' technique works every time if you follow through for 1 day.

@waterrat to be honest, while I do have ‘mum friends’ I know barely any in my position - that is to say, with two children the same age as mine and who have the same days off as me. Most people who are part time seem to have Mondays or Fridays off (or both.) So no, sadly.

it might fill the time @ConkerGame but it would take away my sanity! 😂

In terms of an extra morning, at the moment no. I feel like three days in childcare is enough for the little one. Next year when one is in school life will be a lot easier … just got to get through the summer first …

That is such a difficult age gap, two really tricky ages where they both want and need different things at different times, and you can't ever take your eye off the younger one. Mine were the same age gap, and that stage was the WORST. Add in this heat (which I am terrible with), and every single day was an exhausting drag. My DH used to come in and find me collapsed in an armchair barely able to speak from exhaustion most days 😂My two are both extremely wilful, so for example, taking them anywhere outdoors that wasn't confined with a fence was a nightmare as they would both take off in different directions, and trying to get them to stay together/walk in the same direction as me was physically and mentally exhausting and always ended in at least one of them screaming and crying.

If there are any forest schools where you are, I found them to be pretty good as the 4 year old can mostly go off and do their own thing within the bounds of the grounds, while you stick by the little one.

It'll get easier when the older one is in school. It's only 2.5 months - hang on in there!

I do like forest school; we go to one regularly on Thursday mornings. Thank you ☺️

I know you mean well but I personally hate it when people say, they’re only little once. It really feeds the guilt I feel when I’m struggling and wishing the time away.

I just wanted to say I totally get this. I've seen quite a few comments both on this thread and online in general about just forgetting about housework and I could never, ever do that. I have 4 children aged 5 and under and there's not a chance I could just let the house fall to shit. It's a constant cycle during the day of keeping it relatively clean and tidy and needs done to avoid having even more work to do in an evening when they all (finally) go to bed. We already end up doing stuff until 9/10pm to put the house back together and get ready for the next day.

Unfortunately, I have no advice although I saw you weren't looking for any and just wanted a rant. I get that too. I too, don't particularly enjoy the times when all of my children are home. Two of them are at school but even the 2 younger ones (almost 3 and almost 1) are a huge handful. Just going out and about isn't really an option either because we need to use the car for everything and getting 4, or even 2, in the car with all their stuff to go do anything is like a military exercise. And don't even get me started on the constant whinging, bickering, wanting attention, needing fed 😂 I'm tired 😂

Oh and my almost 3 year old stopped napping at 18 months and the baby doesn't really enjoy it much either 😬

@Cornflakes44 I’m sorry but if you’re wishing time away when you are with your children two times mid week and working the rest… 🤨

I'm well past this stage with mine but I can still remember how relentlessly hard it was. Don't be hard on yourself!

I wish time away and I don’t feel guilty about it. Life is just a lot easier as they get older.

fully agree with this

Multiple children to one adult is often challenging - maybe some people are lucky and have naturally pretty chill/compliant children who play nicely together. But if you have "boisterous" or "challenging" children whose idea of playing together always seems to end up with one or both screaming/crying/injured, then it's tough. Two children with an age gap and conflicting needs - you can never meet those needs at the same time and in the same way as you could if there was just one of them. I help my friend with her two boys, now older 5 and 8, and tbh when you just have one of them at a time it's like a holiday compared to both together, and it's better than it was.

See I find posts like this useless.
So what is everyone going to wear? Where will clean clothes come from if someone doesn’t do the laundry?
you suggest going out for the morning and coming home for lunch. Is the lunch magically going to appear? That will need to be made with a 2yo who is already hungry and probably clinging to you.

op I get your frustration and I’m PT but have afternoons with my 2.5yo. I loathe it. She doesn’t nap that much and it’s barely time to do anything. She wants constant interaction or is just whining. She doesn’t play by herself for a second. And I have stuff piling up. I can swan off for the afternoon but then dinner doesn’t magically get made and dishes done.

We are extending her to full days from Sept for 3-4 days a week. I think she will benefit so much more at school. Doing toddler groups isn’t interesting for her because it’s kids of different ages and randoms, while all her friends are at school. She’s bored, I’m sick of it and roll on September.

I don’t know, don’t you think you will miss some of the super cute things they do? I have a 4 yo, almost 2 yo and a newborn. At home with them all the majority of the week minus 15 hours the oldest of at nursery.
It is hard, I give you that. I don’t enjoy the whinging, the mess, the refusing to eat food I’ve spent ages cooking but I off set it in my head with all the amazing moments I have with them. If anything, the older one now being 4 almost 5 has shown me their little year FLY by. I’m already mourning them!!

i know it’s hard it really is, I do think a bit of what would help is about how you frame it