For letting my son go to his friends house

[MummyToMNandR]

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

Children adapt quickly and it's not as if they will never see their dad. You will adapt too, Mummy, it's very early days but you've done the right thing. Now start making tentative plans, get onto your solicitor in the morning.

I don't think I would ever employ help for the boys, we went to the park this morning, my 9 year old could sense that I wasn't ok.

He asked where his Dad and Brother were, I told him that they had gone to stay at Nans for a while, he didn't ask why but said that he'll miss them and can we go and visit them, yes I will let him go and visit them.

My husband is not going to let go without a fight, can you believe that he hasn't even had the decency to text me this morning to ask about the two sons he has here with me.

The more and more I think and reflect over this situation, the more and more I am starting to dislike him.

And if I have anyone accuse me off lying again, I will immediately delete my account, it's very hurtful and disrespectful.

If you don't think you can cope with them alone, why wouldn't you employ help?? You don't want to be with your husband, fine, this relationship is clearly messed up, but you keep insisting you can't cope with your children ... hire help. It's clearly within your means.

My husband wouldn't be happy with me hiring a nanny, you already know what he is like.

What you do in your time with the kids has fuck all to do with him.

You don't have to employ a nanny but maybe have an au pair or a 'mother's help' so you are not entirely on your own with the children and a big house. There's nothing wrong with that, many do and it makes life easier. It won't be anything to with your husband, he won't be living there.

Oh come on OP stop being such a martyr. Get help with the house, and the kids. It’s not like you’re poor, given the information you’ve already disclosed. You are still being entirely ridiculous, if you’re actually going to divorce your husband it doesn’t matter a tit what he thinks.

I know but I just don't want to cause further issues.

I have spoke to my mother in law, she said that I shouldn't believe in divorce and him and I just need to sort things out between us.

I love her, but as a woman she shouldn't be saying this to me, she is also married to her father, I wanted to ask her has she experienced the same thing, but out of respect I never would.

OP, genuine question and not trying to ‘catch you out’ but I thought you said the house was yours, given/bequeathed to you by your Grandfather ? Then recently you said it was in joint names. Did you husband make you put it in joint names ?

Oh come on @MummyToMNandR these sort of updates from you are exactly why people are questioning if you’re a troll and this is a joke post.

Your MIL is married to her own father?

Yes that's correct, and yes he did make me soon after we got married.

He and my grandfather were very close, and he promised that he would look after me and never leave me.

Sorry,

Please now, you can obviously see that it is a typo, I have been using the laptop so I can reply a lot quicker.

News flash, you were the one with the power and the money and house. You didn’t need him to look after you. IF and I say that with a bit if you are a genuine poster, for the love of God get yourself to a therapist asap.

You have such low self esteem and you’re not speaking like someone who has enough self worth to take control of their life and to stop letting this cheating sorry ass man control you.

So what was it meant to say?

You do know that you don’t have to do will what either of them say, right? It doesn’t matter at all what your bloody MIL thinks. Locate your backbone.

Unless there is a prenup then all marital assets get split in the divorce so irrelevant who owns what at this point.

Thank you for responding. I wonder why he did that. It may be irrelevant but it seems a strange thing to do. But then he does seem to do a lot of strange things.

@MummyToMNandR

why do you care what he thinks?? You’ll be separated. Fuck him.

She is also married to "his" father

I'm sorry to read your update about your husband's cheating @MummyToMNandR, I understand how distressing this must be for you. Once the kids are in bed, take some time to have a good cry, but then it's time for you to get started on making some changes which are going to do wonders for you and your boys. The four of you will be so very happy without the constant depressing and overbearing presence of your STBExH.

I think your idea of having your BF come and stay is a good one, so I'd start with arranging that. Then you need to find a SHL (Shit Hot Lawyer) to represent you. I would arrange therapy for you and for the kids, make this the freshest of all the fresh starts, wipe the slate clean and start working on rebuilding everyone's self esteem. If you don't want paid help with the kids, then get paid help with the house - outsource your cleaning, buy in ready-prepared meals from somewhere lovely for a while, give yourself some extra time to spend with the boys and to get yourself back on an even keel.

If you do start to think about needing some help with your boys, you could try asking if any of the staff at your DS's nursery do private babysitting work in the evenings or at weekends; you already know, like and trust the staff, so it shouldn't be too much of a leap of faith.

Once you've met with your SHL and the divorce proceedings are in motion, I would track down your local AA meetings. I started going to AA meetings nearly 15 years ago, and was shocked to find many other young Mums, just like I was at the time, as I had been convinced it would be only old, homeless people. Going to the first meeting is daunting, but it gave me my life back, and it will help you too, if you let it.

I wish you all the best.

Thanks for your kind words, very much appreciated it.

I have been crying for most of the day, my eldest has spent a lot of time alone in his bedroom today, I will put the pair on them in my bed to sleep so I don't feel so alone.

I will definitely be attending AA meetings, I was speaking to my best friend about it this afternoon. As much as I want to drink, I am not going to give my husband the satisfaction.

You need to stop drinking for you. Not to spite your husband.

OP, I’m not sure taking your children to bed with you for your comfort is good for them.

Good that you are going to go to AA.

OP, please don't take the kids into your bed, you'll be setting yourself up for more problem behaviour if you do this. Just stick to the normal routine, and get any comfort you need from your friend, but please don't expect your children to fill the gap your DH has left in your life, not even for a minute.

Hello

Both of them are asleep now in my bed, yes you're right I shouldn't have. It took years for our 9 year old to sleep alone, and also it has been a struggle to get our 1 year old to sleep in his cot alone.

Tomorrow will be back in a normal routine, also my husband text me a while ago to say that he is going to come and get our 9 year old tomorrow to take him out for the day, I told him to not come here and to leave him alone because he has already done a lot of damage.

I do not care, I don't want him seeing our 9 year old neither the baby, I want our other son here with me, but I know he is happy and well taken care of and love at his nans house, and me taking him away from that is just going to cause problems.