Neighbours - report or just grit my teeth?

[pinkandpurpleflowers2025]

TLDR: AIBU to grit my teeth even though it's eating me alive?

I moved into my dream home in January. I saved YEARS for this house, sacrificed everything to get it. I adore the house and can see myself living here forever. It's a new build so I'm putting my mark on it and making it my own

It's a brand new estate and while I was the first owner to move in, the 2 Housing Association houses on my road moved in just before Christmas. One family are amazing, we've been back and forth to each other's houses, they've been so kind and generous and helped me loads when I first moved in

The other house, unfortunately they're so difficult. I specifically chose my plot because it was the end of a T junction, only neighbours on one side, nobody to the other side or across the road. My property boundary covers right down my drive and across to the fence on the other side of the road. I am the only property with a front lawn, extending down the side of my drive and right across the cul-de-sac

Since the day I moved in, THOSE neighbours have used the end of my drive as their own personal parking. It's not a public road, and they have a double driveway AND space for a third car to park across their own drive but they and their (multiples times a day) visitors park on my property. They also randomly use other people's driveways which baffles me. Just park anywhere they want. So much entitement. The day the neighbours inbetween us both moved in they arrived to meet the estate agents to collect their keys only to find neighbour's mother parked in their drive. When I did mention how they couldn't park across my drive the mother shrugged and said that is "how it's done around here". THEY MOVED IN 6 WEEKS BEFORE ME!!!!

Their kids use my drive exclusively for their play. I'm not mean, I have kids myself, but their kids will turn my front garden into their football pitch. They're using my plants as their goal posts and have killed off everything I have planted. They ride their bikes on my drive around my car. They leave their bikes on my property for hours, and I'm having to clear 5 or 6 bikes anytime I need to get in my car.They kick their football into my car. I have been out there multiple times telling their kids to mind my fence and plants, reminding them it's MY property and that I don't want damage. The teenagers CLIMB on my fences. And then once I got my Ring doorbell set up I realised that they were letting their dog out to toilet in my front garden because they don't have one (they do have a back garden but dog apparently isn't allowed to use that...)

When I saw the dog out there I immediately went out and asked them to not do that, and the mother went crazy at me, telling me she was watching her dog. I have dogs, but I would never let my dogs out with the sole purpose of using someone else's front garden to have a poo.

Another day I saw the 14 year old son hanging off my fence, again went straight out and told him to get down, told him that he was going to get hurt but that he was also damaging my property. He apologised but has continued to do it daily. I don't have the money to replace or repair 15-20' of fence because he's damaged it.

I'm so worn down. After her behaviour over the dog I don't feel comfortable approaching her anymore. I'm mortgaged and as they're HA I reckon they'll be there for the long haul, and not that I want people to be evicted but that wouldn't even be an option by the sound of it which would make for an extended period of awkwardness.

I keep trying to tell myself to just leave it be, even if it means my property is getting damaged or my partner and I cannot both park on our drive because of their guests parking. If my immediate neighbours don't have both cars on their drive we can get in/out by using their drive (not that we should have to) but when both are home we are blocked in/out and with our jobs we are in and out at all kinds of hours of the day and night. Their visitors are very often there overnight. There hasn't been a single day since I moved in where one of their visitors or themselves haven't parked on my property

But I'm so fed up. What do I do?! How can I make myself just not let this get to me? Or do I report them to the HA? I've moved from a very quiet street where everyone kept entirely to themselves to this and while I love the house I am letting this let to me more than I probably should and it's spoiling what should be such a happy time in life in whatI thought would be my forever home.

I know how much you all love a diagram so attached. The other side of the T junction is exactly the same as my side with private land. And I make a BIG point when my kids are out there playing with the neighbours kids of telling them not to stray onto property that isn't theirs, but their kids freely cycle around the other neighbours [eyewatering expensive] cars and also climb on their fences. Tonight they were all playing hide and seek and letting themselves into any unlocked gardens to hide...

I'm just so torn between keeping peace, turning off the Ring notifications and suffering for the sake of my beautiful home, or speaking up (I'm autistic and dont always articulate well to others) and making things a nightmare for years to come

I have no plans to move.

Agree. Report them.

I would agree with your suggestion of contacting the developers. Some of the better ones have some good aftercare (mainly because they do surveys and like to be proud of their scores!), and they will also have an ongoing relationship with the HA for the later phases, in most cases.

Sounds grim, good luck.

Excellent idea.

Report them each and every time.

You need to collect evidence and report to police for antisocial behaviour and report to the housing association. You life can't be made intolerable by someone else.

They took their dog over to your house, with the sole intention that it shit on your lawn?!? 😱 Sorry OP, I'm a bit of a wuss too and like to avoid confrontation, but you have to draw the line somewhere - you really can't put up with that.

Even if it is "awkward" with the neighbours, if you report them, it has to be better than the alternative. Plus it sounds like your ignoring issues, might have encouraged their grim behaviour - not that you're in the wrong on any level. But some people are scummy like that. I don't think letting them get away with it, will improve anything - in fact they might get worse because they think they can get away with anything 😬

I do feel for you though. Bad neighbours are awful.

Personally, I don't think working class people should ever have been allowed to own cars, or use the internet. Mumsnet would go veeeeery quiet.....

I'd bring back the feudal system in a heartbeat, although that might wipe out the bog standard middle classes as well. Oh hum.

On a serious note OP, people are just plain horrid. We have endured neighbour issues over the past few years, please prioritise your mental health above all else. We tried to end 5 years of dog abuse perpetrated by a local private tenant, nothing was ever done about it. Our loveliest neighbours rent, it is very much about who we are as individuals.

Sadly, I do believe there is a correlation between not having to use wages to pay for your home and antisocial behaviour. I feel most sorry for those who live amongst them who have no voice (disabled, elderly, etc).

I've found pop a few times and assumed it was a cat's, then 7am one morning I was getting breakfast sorted and spotted the dog on my ring doorbell by chance. Opened the door and saw one of them standing there watching the dog. Told them to make sure they cleaned it up and straight away the wife was storming over saying she was watching the dog from the front door. I asked her why she was watching her dog go around to someone else's garden and she said because I have grass whereas she only has a driveway.

I was tired and stumped that someone would even think that was right. Sure, if they were just out front and their dog strayed and peed I wouldn't have a problem but the nerve of letting your dog out with the sole purpose of using someone else's garden for the toilet is shocking and the longer since it happened the angrier I've become. I've had dogs all of my life and would never ever think that was ok

Id be moving their bikes somewhere random. That will make them think twice about dumping them there.

If you really like your direct neighbors so much you won’t put up a fence to protect your property- you need to put in the those lockable lift up bollards along your boundary and kindly offer the direct neighbour a copy of the keys. Park where the dickheads park and keep the bollards up as a strict rule. Alternatively a sliding/ folding gate situation where again you kindly share a key with favoured neighbours but not the pricks. I’d go with the latter if money allowed as it stops all this nonsense.

Id also be treacling the top of those fences as I’d rather the bees and ants than the teens. Or maybe that vandal paint? Pigeon spikes? Barbed wire? I’d be damned if let it be this easy for them.

I wonder if their vehicles are taxed. You can check on the DVLA website

Can't work out whether you're joking @UltraProcessedLifeGoals but on the offchance you're not - most HA tenants do pay rent, and HA tenants are just as likely as anyone else to be decent. Unfortunately some also happen to be arseholes, same as anywhere else.

Are they coming into your gated garden? Is that what the kids are doing? I don’t think reporting them to HA will do anything, it’s a civil matter.

I think that goes beyond ASB. It seems like they are trying to bully and intimidate you.

As the kids get older it will just get worse, so as PPs have mentioned you need to stand up to them and report to police.

Although I appreciate it is easier said than done

I think you should report them to HA but I wouldn’t do that on your own. It sounds as though they are a bother to other neighbours too so I think you should all get together to write a letter to the HA. If it happens that you are the only o e to complain you could ask the HA to be careful not to reveal your identity because you have been at the receiving end of threatening behaviour. It is important that the HA know all this because they don’t tolerate anti social behaviour. Some of them are quite strict about this so talk to them asap.

They attempted to today but I have recently put an extra lock on it. I watched from my upstairs window as they were opening other neighbours gates (definitely not where they live) and one of them climbed over my fence to hide behind it. It's a 6' fence and backs onto council land but he scaled my fence and scrambled over my plants to get over it. Impressive but infuriating. I've told that same teenager several times before to stop climbing over my fence.

What about razor wire round the top? 😆 🤣 bet that does the trick, lol

We had similar issues also on a new build estate with HA tenants at one end of the street. After years of ridiculous behaviour, drugs, domestics in the middle of the night and police at times they got evicted, so definitely keep a log and report everything. Sadly the new family that moved in are equally troublesome riding around the estate on electric bikes in balaclavas and up to no good but hopefully if yours did get moved on you'd get better neighbours next time around.

Tell the little shit next time he does it you'll turn a fire extinguisher on him.
I've lived among people like this and have a viceral loathing for them. One horrible family can blight the lives of so many others.

You can get strips of plastic spikes to attach to the top of fences. That'll stop them climbing over , we've had to put it on ours to stop the neighbours kids scaling our fences too

Lots of good suggestions here. I would put a gate even if it cost me loads of money and give code only to my direct “nice “ neighbour to allow them to open the gate to reverse in or out of their driveway.
Your peace is more important.

Oh I feel for you, bad neighbours make life a living hell. Definitely report them and I am sure you will know to keep a record of everything they do and every report you make and who you have contact with. However don't get your hopes up that reporting them will have a rapid reponse and a good resolution to your problem. I have neighbours from hell in a private rented next door to me, I first reported then almost three years ago and guess what? The council have told me that there are serious issues and that they are taking legal action against the landlord but to date nothing has changed. They drug deal (police informed), broke into my back yard, shout and scream most of the day, broke the entry gate, chuck rubbish everywhere, pile trash all over the back yard etc. I must admit mine sound like angels compared to your lot and I felt rage on your behalf reading about their rudness and vile actions, Good luck

Same- would have done it ages ago tbh!

Can you put the prickly plastic strips on the fence? also I’d definitely be getting some prickly shrubs to grow in the borders too.
Hopefully just one attempt to put their hands on will stop future attempts.
I would also go with a sprinkler system.

although as I’m writing this I realise I’m suggesting things that all cost money, money I’m sure you’d rather spend on what you want rather than trying to keep your neighbours off your garden. But as annoying as it is, I’d be considering buying something, if I could to make it harder for them to do

Their behaviour would drive me insane, I think you’ve been really patient so far, especially with the dog incident, their excuse that you have grass would infuriate me!. On that logic , I will start using my neighbours drive as it’s bigger than mine, or maybe when I want friends over for a bbq I’ll go to another neighbours garden and have it there as he has a great set up. The entitlement is off the scale with these lot OP

If it was me, I'd look at each individual issue and consider how to approach it.

So..kids climbing fence, plastic cat deterrents across top of fence...warn the kids they're there so they don't get injured unless they're silly enough to still attempt it.

Is the grass gated? If so, lock on the gate should stop the dog popping also?

To stop the car parking, could you put some big planters across the area? Or the locking bollard? Or gate that area too?

We had a problem with a neighbour parking on our drive once for months. If we were on the drive she would park in front of us and block us on. It was a main road and drove us round the bend. It all came to a head one day when she blocked us in and I lost it at her, shouted lots and cried quite a bit. She apologised and said she hadn't realised how much it was affecting us (despite me repeatedly telling her!!!) and she never parked there again.

Stay strong and don't give in....good luck!