Husband overheard me

[starship92]

Basically my husband was annoyed with me this morning because he was "disappointed" in my fathers day effort.

For context - due to personal issues i was unable to get to the shops for a card this whole week so was going today as soon as they opened. (He was aware of this) but i had ordered him a personalised gift (which i thought was really nice) from the kids which was here for his waking this morning.

He was in a sulk all morning and it made me (probably irrationally) angry because i had tried my best considering the circumstances (i had also made his favourite meal last night as a fathers day celebration).

He stormed out earlier and came back as he has forgot something, and he overheard me complaining on the phone to my sister about him.

He has come down on me like a tonne of bricks over this. Says he doesnt want our personal life or our problems discussed with anyone. Hes actually now saying he doesn't trust me and this could potentially be the end of our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking im within my rights to confide in my sister about this argument? Is it really that big a deal? Granted i definitely was "ranting" when he overheard...but still?

Do people really act like this over a lack of a card ?!!

They are a waste of trees anyway !!

Massive over reaction and if this is all he’s got to be pissed off over in life he’s doing well !!

Many posts on mumsnet in the past by mothers who feel extremely hurt and annoyed when ignored on mothers day. Frustration is mainly directed at partner who didn't make the effort.

Dad's look forward to the day too, and are allowed to feel disappointed if it's low effort.

There's nothing I do in my relationship I wouldn't be happy his sharing with his sister (even the odd grump, if its true it's your life to share) ...maybe stop being so sulky if you dont want that to be an experience your wife shares. Being mad you shared what he had done and how he behaved just shows it was poor behaviour...and he knows it. What a dreary, miserable person to share a life with.

Not being allowed to discuss your personal problems can lead to isolation and abuse. I’d never tell my husband he can’t discuss things with his friends (bar our sex life). It’s natural.

Massive overreaction from him. He knew your circumstances of getting to the shops or whatever. And it's not like you disregarded the day!
Already cooked his fav meal the night before, and had a nice gift?

Sorry but it made me laugh when you put he stormed out, forget something and had to come back 😂
I'd be telling my family in your shoes! What did he actually want?!

Yes

Eeerrmm...No !! He was actually being abusive and pathetic and she has every right to vent to whomever she chooses. He needs to grow the hell up and stop trying his coercive control. "could end the marriage" All over a father's day gift. It's OP who has the right to be thoroughly annoyed here.

You have every right to talk to people outside your marriage. He is overreacting horribly.

You cooked a nice meal, got a special present and your child made him a card. He sounds like very hard work.

You should have mouthed off at him, not your sister.

You should have not felt bad about being sick. He deserved to hear an honest appraisal of his reaction towards your efforts.
He sounds spoilt.

That’s funny, my DH and his mates are all in their 40s and they all discuss all their marital or girlfriend issues. I know because my DH comes home and tells me.

I have no idea what my DH tells them.

Your husband is a massive man-baby to be sulking over the lack of card. Where’s his empathy for the personal stuff you’ve been going through? He sounds selfish and pathetic.

And he has no right to be upset about you talking to your sister. He’s upset you, you’re within your rights to talk it through with some one. If he doesn’t want you to do that then he shouldn’t upset you in the first place. He has no right to dictate who you talk to and about what. Controlling twat.

Yes, it’s why I didn’t say “all men”

One thing no one has brought up is that this is a family day. I don't know how old the kids are, but parents should put their differences aside on family holidays and try to regulate their emotions for the sake of the kids. IMO you should save a problem with your spouse for when the kids aren't paying attention or are asleep, or try to discuss it quietly on a day when family is spending time together celebrating.

And I do think some people who don't like spending an entire day with their spouse and kids but can't admit it create arguments and chaos over nothing so they have an excuse to storm off. Just a thought.

There are also people who just destroy every birthday or holiday because they are so used to drama and chaos.

But Op got him a present from the kids and made him his favourite meal ? Lack of a card is no reason to kick off

When I said yes I meant you have every right to confide in someone and I find it really suspect to have someone who wants to keep your relationship problems secrets. Shady character. I didn’t post that properly. Sorry

Well its not as if Fathers Day is suddenly sprung upon people is it? You've had a whole year to get prepared for it and i'm sure Fathers day cards have been for sale for more than that one week and i would be peeved if i heard my other half ranting about me to someone else because i was upset about what comes across as a lack of thought and consideration. You are blaming him for being upset due to what he perseves as lack of thought for him. I'm sure if it was the other way around people would be telling the wife to dump her hubby 🙄

Re the card, Moonpig or funky pigeon etc....

Sounds like you two need to really sit and talk if he is claiming that this event and the talking to your sister is a reason for him to end the marriage. Maybe more.going.on than he is letting on

I think he’s overreacted a bit about Father’s Day however I found out my dh had spoken to his sister about me, something personal , and I was livid.

nothing bad but something about my health that she didn’t need to know. I’ve asked him not to speak about me to any of his siblings other than To say I’m ok, if they ask.

discuss things with your dh rather than running to your sister. I don’t complain about dh to anyone, if he’s done something to annoy me then I’ll tell him, that’s what grown ups do.

Erm. I don't know what to say OP. My husband didn't bat an eyelid at getting chocolates and a card for fathers day from the kids. We don't really buy in to it but I did order him some new clothes for work that he really needs but nothing fancy. I think your husband is being very petty and childish over this. What was it he wanted? your gift sounds nice! If its the end of your marriage over you expressing frustration to your sister, then it sounds like theres something else going on to be honest.

Yes I see this.

I talk to close friends who aren't close with my DH if I have anything bothering me.

I'm also careful not to do it in earshot!

Having said that, your DH behaviour is horrible. Sulking for hours and running you down for being a bit late with a card when you couldn't go during the week? It's really petty.

Just a FYI, my ex treated me like that, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone anything about our relationship issues (mainly him having tantrums) and I got more and more isolated until he read in my phone me telling my mum I was unhappy and I got my phone thrown at my head. There are some horrible controlling men out there, so its not as clear cut as that.

Sorry but this is bollocks.

I once was late giving my DH an anniversary card as I'd been working seriously long hours and was stressed out of my mind.

He once totally forgot about it during another busy time and got me a card later in the day and apologised.

We were graceful with each other's mistakes.

OP said her mother's day gift was late. Did she sulk and shout? I doubt it.

Not happy to hear it is understandable. Not expecting your partner to ever share any struggles about the marriage cc with anyone else is bordering abusive

But the children made a card? That should be enough.

There's a huge difference between you discussing your partner's medical issues with a sibling and discussing the issues in your marriage. It's great you can just talk everything out, but ops partner sulks and won't engage, other partners with get verbally aggressive, or physical. Are we really saying no one should talk to anyone else about their marriage problems? Or only once it becomes physical?