Some mums need to cop on!

[coffeegirl73]

So my dd is 21 and at uni and her boyfriend is 21 and is there too. They live in different uni shared houses. So his mother drove nearly 3 hours last weekend to clean her son’s room and house in preparation for him moving back home for the summer. Apparently last year when she arrived to take him home he hadn’t packed or cleaned. I mean he is a disgrace but I blame his mum nearly as much. Ladies WHY would you do this for your sons…??? !!! I will be literally arriving and will help dd carry her stuff to the car. No way will be doing any cleaning - I try not to go too far into the student house tbh 🤮😷but honestly she is doing him no favours and it’s giving me the ick. Dd not too impressed but
she loves him 🙈I just hope it doesn’t become long term. But my point really is come on mums give your sons a sense of responsibility and independence and stop bailing them out and babying them. Tbh she does know a couple of girls who “can’t clean” and whose parents helped them. I mean ffs who’s raising these princesses lol

What are the weird opinions though?

I don't think anyone here has said they think it's ok for parents - mum or dad - to baby their teen/young adult. I don't think anyone here agrees that boys/young men in particular should be allowed to sit back while their mums do everything for them. Those seem to be the same as your opinions.

I think people have said they think it's normal to help sons/daughters of any age (and for sons/daughters to help parents) with things like moving house. That's not a weird opinion, is it?

People have challenged you for blaming mums, but not dads. And they've asked why your daughter, who you've raised to be independent and capable, is with this young man that you think is so useless. Are those the weird opinions?

Exactly... op is refusing to answer these sorts of questions. No self awareness

What responsibility does the OP's daughter have to clean her boyfriends room?

I think the point is why is OP's daughter with a man who won't clean his own room?
If I was asking any questions, or judging this situation in any way, that would be question I'd be asking.

How do you know that she knew?

That’s not at all what my comment says though, is it?

It's one thing helping as a gesture of kindness, another doing something for someone. I have so little respect for women like this and there are many of them, it's not just sons either it's their daughters too. Most young eventually cop on but it's hard for them in their 20s, they are criticised by flatmates and colleagues and finally learn the life lesson. As for men, well, some just look for another woman to continue the cycle. So as a mother we owe it to our future DILs and the younger generation to make sure we do not raise men like this.

But I don't think it is.. in the examples pps are giving it's the mums that dont let the boys do anything not the Dads. That's the same in my experience. A kid knows the Mum will fuss over him and do it for him so he lets her. Sometimes he is berated for even trying to be better.

I have a friend who told me her DH does not know how to work the washing machine. He is a very capable and decent man, I used to live with him years ago and found him to be fine, so i lost a lot of respect for him when she told me this. When it came up again (she was complaining how exhausted she is working FT and running a house) I suggested she refused to do his laundry and he wouldn't be long learning. She then said 'oh he might put things on the wrong cycle or he might accidentally put a colour in and ruin something etc. It's easier for me to do it'. She then revealed she lays out his clothes the night before for him because 'he wouldn't know how to dress himself!' It's only then I realised that this woman is really controlling and dh is letting her infantalise him, maybe just to keep the peace or probably enjoying being waited on too so he is at fault too. But she sat there complaining about him and bad mouthing him for something she has insisted on and controlled. She has a young boy now and I'm sure he will be spoilt and indulged the same way. I know there are many many lazy men out there but i think there are also many controlling women too and it's important to acknowledge that.

To the mothers of daughters - I promise you I will not be raising my sons like this. They will go out into the world being able to cook, clean and take care of themselves.

I'm female and my mum helped me clean my student house. She helped me pack and deep clean when I moved house as a fully fledged adult a couple of years ago too.

Completley different if they've never been shown how to clean up after themselves.

I'm raising my children to notice chores that need doing and to be proactive in cleaning/tidying. But I'll offer to help them in similar circumstances too. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to make your adult children's lives easier from time to time.

I'm guessing, since OP knows that her daughter also knows.