Some mums need to cop on!

[coffeegirl73]

So my dd is 21 and at uni and her boyfriend is 21 and is there too. They live in different uni shared houses. So his mother drove nearly 3 hours last weekend to clean her son’s room and house in preparation for him moving back home for the summer. Apparently last year when she arrived to take him home he hadn’t packed or cleaned. I mean he is a disgrace but I blame his mum nearly as much. Ladies WHY would you do this for your sons…??? !!! I will be literally arriving and will help dd carry her stuff to the car. No way will be doing any cleaning - I try not to go too far into the student house tbh 🤮😷but honestly she is doing him no favours and it’s giving me the ick. Dd not too impressed but
she loves him 🙈I just hope it doesn’t become long term. But my point really is come on mums give your sons a sense of responsibility and independence and stop bailing them out and babying them. Tbh she does know a couple of girls who “can’t clean” and whose parents helped them. I mean ffs who’s raising these princesses lol

No problem in collecting them (even though it’s the other end of the country) but a big no to doing their cleaning.

So you’re blaming your mil for the fact that your husband was useless and took advantage of his
mother by leaving her to clean his flat? It sounds like you have a sexist, lazy husband.

Why would any parent be sacrificing the deposit if the flat is filthy? If either of my dc lost my money due to their own ineptitude they would be working to pay me back the full amount.

I really can’t stand these types of parents raising useless, entitled man babies.

It’s one thing going up to help, another entirely doing all of the donkey work!

My DDs friend had a mother turning up with months of cooked freezer food. As a result he isn’t even attempting to cook himself. Pathetic.

Only because the OP was saying mum. It wasn’t deliberate!

You’re right it parents.

If the mother wanted to do it? Then who cares? It’s her choice. She probably just wanted her deposit back. Can’t say I don’t blame her.

If the deposit was at risk, she should be charging her DC - it’s their fault not hers.

So the dc can’t pay back the deposit if it’s taken due to their incompetence?! It’s totally ridiculous to go and clean yourself. Yes, it’s your choice if you are going to raise useless humans, but at least own it when they are dumped, divorced and sacked because they have no life skills!

That's up to them. My sister's ex, his mum used to clean both her son's flats when they were into their 30s. If that's how she wants to spend her time, let her get on with it.

My son is at uni and no, I won’t be going and cleaning any rooms for him. I did clean his sink & toilet in year 1, largely because I wanted to use it and the toilet cleaner hadn’t been opened, or the bathroom spray.

My parents drove the 4.5 hours to come and help me move out. Yes they helped me clean too. My mum was in the kitchen washing up. We were all girls and my parents were the only ones who came. I really appreciated it and it was one of the first times I really realised that not everyone was lucky enough to have supportive and involved parents like I had. I became increasingly appreciative of them. They also used to come down and take us out for dinner ‘so we didn’t die of scurvy‘

My DH moved a lot when first married and every single time our parents came and helped us. Our dads emptied the garage together one year.

It was just everyone mucking in together.

You can’t see how this is going to severely impact her son’s lives negatively? Someone could be smart and point out the divorce stats and MN threads littered with women walking out.

But they would have lost the deposit anyways if they hadn’t cleaned it. Surely it makes sense to try and get the money back and if they don’t get it back then she asks for it. A lot of parents on here sure seem not to like their own kids

We’ve raised our children to be independent and responsible adults. But if I want to help them I’m don’t really care what other people think. Why would I? I’m sure the mother isn’t even thinking about this however the op is sad enough to make a smug thread about it. If my children were as judgemental and sexist as the op I think I would have done a bad job as a parent.

So if a marriage fails, its as a result of the way his mother raised him?

If a man doesn’t step up and support his wife and kids then that is on him. By absolving him of any blame you are being incredibly sexist and are actually adding to the problem of male incompetence.

If you and the child’s father raise a man to be absolutely useless and incapable of course you are adding to his chances that he won’t have a successful marriage. Particularly if he grows up in a household where women do everything. Of course you must take responsibility - you have failed as a parent if they leave home with zero life skills.

I've never made my DS do any cleaning but he cleans his room at uni and is packed and ready when I arrive to collect him. I think I've taught him that it's nice to live in a clean and tidy home even if he hasn't done the cleaning and tidying.

My other DS lives with his dad and is left to his own devices. His room is a tip.

Why wouldn’t you expect your DC’s to clean their own flats before leaving it?

To be fair, I don't think this is necessarily just a boy thing. One year my dad came to collect me from university at the end of the year and had to help me paint my rental room back white from the dark blue I'd painted it without permission.

In my house share, half of the girls(3 out of 6) were messy and irresponsible.

Not really. I've never been anyone's skivvy.

I'm thankful I have a lovely mum who drive me to and from uni and helped me clean the student house. My friend's mum sat on the sofa and watched us all.

I'm not a princess.

I'll be doing the same for my son when the time comes. It's just helping. It's not that deep.

My kids would know better. But like you I don’t speak for all parents. The op wasn’t there, she’s getting information from her daughter. I’m sure the daughter definitely told her the truth 😉

Picking up my dd I had to help her tidy up at the end of year; just to get her out of the halls on time, she's adhd and autistic and she finds it difficult. She didn't expect me to do it but we didn't together.

Some years later I picked ds up from his shared house where he also had to clean up the kitchen and living rooms and so on as well as his bedroom. He did it all by himself while I sat in the car. He's adhd too but different personality, better at managing a deadline by himself.

At what point would you hold a man responsible for his own behaviour?
Is it always his mum's fault?

If this thread was about blaming both parents, I would agree with you, but it is specifically blaming mothers. That isn’t criticising bad parenting, it is pure sexism