Some mums need to cop on!

[coffeegirl73]

So my dd is 21 and at uni and her boyfriend is 21 and is there too. They live in different uni shared houses. So his mother drove nearly 3 hours last weekend to clean her son’s room and house in preparation for him moving back home for the summer. Apparently last year when she arrived to take him home he hadn’t packed or cleaned. I mean he is a disgrace but I blame his mum nearly as much. Ladies WHY would you do this for your sons…??? !!! I will be literally arriving and will help dd carry her stuff to the car. No way will be doing any cleaning - I try not to go too far into the student house tbh 🤮😷but honestly she is doing him no favours and it’s giving me the ick. Dd not too impressed but
she loves him 🙈I just hope it doesn’t become long term. But my point really is come on mums give your sons a sense of responsibility and independence and stop bailing them out and babying them. Tbh she does know a couple of girls who “can’t clean” and whose parents helped them. I mean ffs who’s raising these princesses lol

DH and I have had to help both our DD clean their university flats when they left because their other flatmate leaving before them and not cleaning any of the shared spaces in the flat. Mouldy food left in fridges/freezers and toiletries left in bathrooms. We also took stuff flatmates left to the dump as DC didn’t have a car. All the wheelie bins were full of other flatmates rubbish too. Otherwise our DC would have lost their deposit.

I did it willingly for my DD, to be fair she was doing it as well, I was very resentful about the other girls and their parents.

Disloyal to the rest of us women and mothers by running around after her adult son like this! A man's womsn through and through. Ugh!

Could it be that the parents are paying his rent and want to ensure they get their deposit back at the end of his tenancy?

Or they may be wanting to make sure he keeps the room for when he returns in September?

Either way, I couldn’t get worked up about this at all.

Maybe speak to his mum? I imagine it's her fault he's like that, right? Cos if his bad behaviour isn't your fault, it must be his mum's. It can't be his of course.

My DD's boyfriends parents don't even buy him any food when he is home for the weekend let alone cook for him which I think is the other extreme

He came back from holiday with DD and they told him to take his washing with him back to uni!! I think that's harsh with only a washer dryer in a flat I did it for him

Mum’s need to raise all children to be useful members of society.

Doing things for them like this does no favours however of last year cost her financially due to his lack of cleanliness I can see why she did it.

So I’m plonking my arse firmly on fence re this exact situation but I 100% agree with your sentiment!

I am going to be ‘that poster’.

My ex husband and I have taken turns over the past three years to help our son with going into halls, different houses and literally this week, returning with all his worldly goods. He is autistic and just gets overwhelmed and asks us to help. We have both cleaned and helped him with routines.

I help willingly as does his dad. And I hope when he meets someone they are tolerant and understanding that he brings certain things to the party and certain things he struggles with.

Totally agree that the son should do it. My daughter has just finished her 3rd year and room and shared space left totally cleaned. However mum has probably a deposit on hold pending final inspection and wanted to make sure she gets it back!

Why mums? Why not say
parents? You’re another one perpetuating sexist stereotypes that the responsibility lies solely with women.

Because they are enabling it, and many times actively encouraging it. That's why.

My friend did this for her daughter yesterday.

4 21/22year old girls/young women sharing a house & needed BOTH her parents to go & clean & mow the lawn etc

🙄🙄

Maybe target your anger at the men?

It’s not just a mother problem - why hasn’t his father taught him how to clean, tidy up after himself and take some responsibility?

Yup. Opinions like this show how blind they are to their own ignorance. Boy can’t do his own cleaning- must be the woman’s fault. Man leaves his family - must be the woman’s fault.

If she doesn’t get her deposit back she’d need to get it off her son - it’s his problem.

And where are all the father? Why aren’t they raising their own kids?

So Dads have no responsibility in raising their own kids? Got it.

I had to do this 3 years running with my daughter... It's not just boys who are lazy slobs. And as for why - honestly, whats the alternative

I don’t think this just applies to boys. I helped my daughter clean her room/flat at the end of every year when she was at university and when she moved from a couple of her other flats after then. It was partly because I wanted to make sure we got our deposit back (and her room was truly revolting at the end of her first year) but also because I’m her mum and parents do things like that to help their children. Each time I was there it seemed like everyone’s parents were helping with cleaning and packing for their children.

The alternative is she does it or you charge her for any lost deposit. Why is she so lazy ?

YANBU. I have two sons and we’re raising them to be as self sufficient as possible in terms of living away from us. Luckily DH is very good in this regard as his parents moved back to South Africa when he was 17 effectively just leaving him to his own devices in London so he had a steep learning curve but it taught him a hell of a lot and he’s passing that on to our sons too. I’m afraid I was spoilt and babied by my mum (single parent guilt I think) and it did me no favours so I don’t want the same for DC.

Many students move away to another city for uni as this is the case here. He’s 21 years old and moving back home which is three hours away.

Over his years at uni he will have collected a lot of shit. Op doesn’t say if the son has his own car but let’s assume he doesn’t. So how is the son going to move all his boxes of stuff home on public transport?

If I knew a family member or friend was moving back to their home which was a three hour car journey so even longer on a train or bus and had accumulated a lot of things, and knew public transport would be an issue of course I would drive over and help them. That’s what decent people do, it’s not about a mother babying her son. Op said the son doesn’t see his father much so safe to assume he’s not involved in his life. What mother would purposefully leave their child even if an adult to struggle moving back home.

My DH mum used to go round to his flat while
he was at work and clean and take all his washing. Believe me she did him no favours! It taken me years to whip him into shape 😂😂 we have a son and there is no way I’m raising him to be useless!

I have DT’s b/g - they graduated a couple of years ago. We went to collect them and their car load of possessions but didn’t clean or tidy up their flats - that was their responsibility