Some mums need to cop on!

[coffeegirl73]

So my dd is 21 and at uni and her boyfriend is 21 and is there too. They live in different uni shared houses. So his mother drove nearly 3 hours last weekend to clean her son’s room and house in preparation for him moving back home for the summer. Apparently last year when she arrived to take him home he hadn’t packed or cleaned. I mean he is a disgrace but I blame his mum nearly as much. Ladies WHY would you do this for your sons…??? !!! I will be literally arriving and will help dd carry her stuff to the car. No way will be doing any cleaning - I try not to go too far into the student house tbh 🤮😷but honestly she is doing him no favours and it’s giving me the ick. Dd not too impressed but
she loves him 🙈I just hope it doesn’t become long term. But my point really is come on mums give your sons a sense of responsibility and independence and stop bailing them out and babying them. Tbh she does know a couple of girls who “can’t clean” and whose parents helped them. I mean ffs who’s raising these princesses lol

I’m a woman and at the end of my second year of uni my
mum came up and we cleaned the house together.

Very normal. Most likely with need help moving all their crap back in their car. It says a lot more about op than the mother helping.

Disloyal for helping her son? How come? if it was a dad helping his daughter that would be different?

His mom is making some poor woman a terrible husband to be .

Hopefully not your daughter, sorry.

If he's at university, he's old enough to clean his own room after packing it up. Many people have families that work and can't to take time off to do what their adult kids should be doing.

He’s 21. When are you going to stop blaming his mum?

Are you all divorced? Because she’s basically saying you all married useless men.

Other families are irrelevant, if you don’t want to take time off work to help your child that’s your choice but it shouldn’t impact the decision of others.

I imagine she was not hoping to do this on her own and that her son would help? My parents did the same for me? They would do the same now if I moved house. In fact, I remember vividly my dad coming to get me from a flat I was moving out from and I had done barely anything and I had to rope in my friends and we all did packing and cleaning together.

I'm a fairly well adjusted adult now. Mainly.

My dad did the same for me at the start of the pandemic and I was 40! I couldn’t get any movers (obviously!) so he borrowed a mate’s van and came and helped me move. It’s so normal.

My DD was in a student flat with girls. The day they moved out some emerged from rooms with dirty dishes and rubbish. My DD was trying to clean up, I started clearing the mess in the kitchen because yes I wanted my deposit back. Snotty nosed parents just walked out with their DDs carting stuff out and left us to it. I bet they were all congratulating themselves for not helping and I'm sure they enjoyed getting their full deposits back with no effort themselves.

Three sons went to uni and I never had to do it in their flats.

Does she have to pay if the house isn't clean? Is she guarantor?

Do dads need to cop on too or is just the job of mums to teach sons to clean up after themselves?

Here's a really wild idea. Maybe if more FATHERS were seen by their sons taking an equal role in cleaning they'd be influenced to clean up too.

Some women need to be less judgmental of other women. You generalise appallingly. Some of us with sons actually do raise men who are capable and competent, and who were not pandered to. I’ve seen just as many indulged daughters who are shockingly entitled because mummy and daddy do so much for them. Contrary to common belief on here, women are not better than men. Heard of equality? Taking care of a daughter is seen as being a good parent, taking care of a son and helping him is seen as indulging him. The usual double standards of some people (who seem to hate men).

The dad’s not doing the cleaning and enabling so, yes, in this case it’s the mum.

He’s a grown adult who should be capable of sorting his own shit out. He’s at fault.

I’ve known mothers do exactly this for their uni daughters. I really don’t think it’s just young men who live in disgusting student digs.
In the majority of cases it’s the parents’ money (deposit) that’s on the line so they do have some interest.
That said, I never cleaned for my now adult son. Usually all the students in the house pitch in together.

This isn’t just mums of boys. My friend is off to Cardiff next weekend with her daughter to help her clear her room and clean. I agree it should be down to the student but young people do seem to be babied nowadays.

Haha, no. Some are divorced, some not. Some husbands were useless, some just required training, but I think her point was that our husbands were less involved, less aware and less in touch with their emotions than our sons are at the same point in life.
I think it is up to us as mothers to help build good men in a difficult world

And the op has extrapolated that out to mums generally.. apparently the whole problem with uni students being babied, particularly men, is down to their mothers. Dads are off the hook of course because only men are responsible for raising their kids...

This. I’m sick of women being criticised for the behaviour of men.

A few years ago a friend told that when her son was getting stuff together for Uni his grandmother said 'Make sure you find a nice girlfriend so you'll have someone to do your washing'!!!

@NHSinterviewupcomingthats totally a different
situation! Not comparable at all.

She’s doing him no favours and he will expect women to do this for him throughout his life.

We helped DD clean after each year at Uni. All the other parents and students (mix of boys and girls) in her shared accommodation had b*ggered off and left us to it. I remember one particularly dreadful kitchen where I couldn’t find a clean space to put my handbag down! We all tackled it together though - DD, me, DH and our DS who was only early teens then. He got stuck in with piles of washing up! By the time DD was in her last year, the house was much tidier with only a few sharing. She’s 34 now, married with her own house and family (and a cleaner 😂)

She may be doing it to make sure she gets the deposit back which makes it even worse - he obvs doesn’t give a flying f* about his mums money in that case? She’s doing it this year because last year when she arrived he had done nothing and she had to stay the night and do it for him while he was off having the “last day” with my dd🤣just to clarify she brings the cleaning things and he doesn’t help her . Yes I do worry about my dd. She says she can ignore it while they are at uni in a kinda “bubble” but that she couldn’t live with him the way he is now. She hardly goes over to his hse as his room is so gross - her words 😩