Some mums need to cop on!

[coffeegirl73]

So my dd is 21 and at uni and her boyfriend is 21 and is there too. They live in different uni shared houses. So his mother drove nearly 3 hours last weekend to clean her son’s room and house in preparation for him moving back home for the summer. Apparently last year when she arrived to take him home he hadn’t packed or cleaned. I mean he is a disgrace but I blame his mum nearly as much. Ladies WHY would you do this for your sons…??? !!! I will be literally arriving and will help dd carry her stuff to the car. No way will be doing any cleaning - I try not to go too far into the student house tbh 🤮😷but honestly she is doing him no favours and it’s giving me the ick. Dd not too impressed but
she loves him 🙈I just hope it doesn’t become long term. But my point really is come on mums give your sons a sense of responsibility and independence and stop bailing them out and babying them. Tbh she does know a couple of girls who “can’t clean” and whose parents helped them. I mean ffs who’s raising these princesses lol

Parent’s fault, not mother’s fault.
I guess if you haven’t equipped your dc with life skills and an ability to be independent by the time they leave home it’s on you. If they continue to behave like that well into adulthood then that’s on them. You have just given them a very poor start in life.

Maybe they will eventually learn the hard way what is expected of them when their wife walks out or they are sacked… and it costs them greatly in very painful ways.

She drove up to clean his room. That's ridiculous and on her.

And why is it not ridiculous that a grown man allowed his mother to do this?

I don’t really agree they are young adults and should be capable of cleaning up after themselves . I agree it’s not just the boys. The girla
can be filthy too. But my point was the MN is littered with marriages and relationships breaking up cos the man is a useless fecker who hasn’t a clue the work involved in running a house. And even in 2025 we have mums babying their sons like this woman. He tries it on with dd too. She made up a lie that she can’t cook as she could feel herself starting to “mind” him and cook their dinners/ she’s clued in like that - prob from watching me make so many mistakes with her father

You’re totally missing the point here. From dds friends only one boy had nobody come to collect hi. And had to rent a storage unit for the summer to store his stuff in. All the mums and dads and families collect their kids and “help” them move out. Thankfully not a lot go down on a separate weekend to clean FOR their young person . I don’t know why so many of you are missing the point !

DS already knows that for the month before he's going to Uni he'll be learning 'home skills' and will even be jacking in his job to do so.

So your whole thread isn’t about the mother helping the son but how useless men are?

You literally just said this in your point

But my point was the MN is littered with marriages and relationships breaking up cos the man is a useless fecker who hasn’t a clue the work involved in running a house. And even in 2025 we have mums babying their sons like this woman. He tries it on with dd too. She made up a lie that she can’t cook as she could feel herself starting to “mind” him and cook their dinners/ she’s clued in like that - prob from watching me make so many mistakes with her father

So what your point is men are useless?

Thank you, my thoughts exactly.
And for those who describe the young man in derogatory terms, very unkind and unnecessary

Oh no that's me. I really need the deposit back!

I’m taking my dd back to her uni house tomorrow. We will be packing up her room , cleaning her room and checking the rest of the house is clean, sorting out her new room and getting her settled into her new house.
She’s doing a full on degree, just spilt with her dick boyfriend and I’m her mum and I want to help her. It’s a lot to do on your own and why on earth wouldn’t I help my own child?!

My son is really untidy so I told him if we lost the deposit when he moved out of his student accommodation, he would be responsible for paying us back. Somehow the 4 untidy lads in the flat managed to get the place clean! No way would i have done it for him, he'd never do it himself if he thought the mum cleaning fairy would turn up!

I don’t see the big deal and definitely way OTT that this could give anyone the ‘ick’

In my 30’s, we moved house. Both our mums came to help us clean (without being asked). Oh, and my mum would have driven 100 miles to do so.

Certainly wouldn’t judge anyone for helping their child out.

I've had relationships in my 20s and 30s with men who are happy to let their mothers skivvy for them. I find it infuriating and pathetic from both sides. Fine for a parent to help out here and there but I'm talking about routinely doing full loads of laundry, cooking and cleaning constantly. Both are at fault: the lazy, sexist blokes and the enabling, backbone-lacking mothers.

Who are all of these lame students that can’t manage to clean two or three rooms with their flat mates to reasonable standard? Unless they are disabled this is surely absolutely mortifying calling Mummy and Daddy to do it???

We are a very close and involved family, and there is no way my dc would ever ask us to do this unless they had broken a leg or something! They are twenty years old! if they can’t clean a work surface and vacuum, then I would respectfully suggest they have some pretty major issues with their development!

i still think this is missing the point - are you doing it because she is stressed? I would expect a young person of that age to be able to manage their time and to have kept their room clean and tidy room
enoutg that they could sort themselves out. Are you sure you’re just “helping” and not sorting her outt

This!

YANBU

Hope your daughter sees sense.

Well to each her own, I suppose, but is there not a point where you stop thinking of a grown adult as your 'child' and start using the term 'son' or 'daughter' in your head?

If you keep on swooping in to help, how are they going to learn to manage on their own? Grownups who have a home of their own can hire cleaners and movers when they move out/ in.

The only time I would ever help out would be after a baby was born.

I agree with you @coffeegirl73

My H (soon to be ex) was raised by a mother who did EVERYTHING for him, or if not her, the cleaner they hired because the house was so grim due to him.

I foolishly did the same (getting a cleaner) as I was annoyed at picking up his crap while working fulltime as the breadwinner while he worked part time. I couldn't cope with all the cleaning so paid for a cleaner. Now he does literally NOTHING. He just drops food wrappers on the floor, leaves plates under the bed or in the bathroom, dirty clothes are just everywhere. He can only cook two things so that's my responsibility too.

I really wish he'd been taught life skills like... clean up after yourself! Unfortunately he's now in his 40s so I think there's little chance of that. It's a shame because we get on so well otherwise but I can't deal with taking the entire burden of cleaning, cooking and providing for a near middle aged man!

It's interesting that when some of us point out it isn't just boys we are ignored. Just another thread that is about bashing young men and their mothers.

It isn't just the young men and their mothers who are pathetic.

Or you could use the term family, some families help each other, parents helping kids, kids helping parents, siblings helping each other. It's actually a nice way to live.

Parent helps son or daughter out. Shocking! Live and let live rather than bash other women (for being kind snd helping their adult children out).

well said @TheignT

I bet she isn't a single parent. Most male bad behaviour seems to be passed on by crap dads.