AIBU to think this conversation needs to come from my husband and not from me?

[AlertHazelExpert]

I'm feeling hurt and overlooked after my MIL celebrated Mother's Day with her daughters and granddaughters, but didn't invite me. As the mother of her grandchild and someone who plays an active role in her granddaughter's life, I felt like I should have been included. What's even more hurtful is that she knew I was available, as I wasn't planning to go to my own mother's for dinner. If it was just a regular day and she was spending time with her daughters without the kids, I'd totally get it - that's mother-daughter time. But since it was a Mother's Day celebration and the kids were invited, I felt like I should have been included, especially as a mother in the family. I saw the pictures on FB and I teared up as soon as I saw I wasn’t even thought of. I even asked my husband to make sure he didn’t forget to mention it to me as you know how men can forget to mention those types of things and he said his mom never mention it to him and he was very upset about it himself but he feels since my MIL left me out I should be the one to have the conversation with her I also would have loved to spend time with my nieces and celebrate the day with them.

To make matters more frustrating, she made a big effort to celebrate Father's Day with my husband just a day ago. I always thought we were close and that she valued me as part of the family, but now I'm wondering if that's true. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body but my husband deserves all the glory on Father’s Day and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day. Not to mention I bend over backwards to make sure things are even between my mother and MIL. If anything the gifts I get my MIL may be a tad more than I get my own mom just to show I’m not favoring my own mother and because I appreciate her for being an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Besides even if you could make the argument that I’m her DIL and not her actual daughter sure but my child is just as much her GC as her daughter’s children are

AIBU to think my husband should have this conversation with my MIL instead of me?

Normally only your children buy you a Mother’s Day card. It’s weird you think other people should.

Other people can only hurt you if you give them the power to do so.

It's just one day that was manufactured by the card industry.

If you want to make a special occasion around it - make sure you arrange something that's just right for you.

This is such an odd post. OP you don't seem to be taking on any of the feedback on board here, just going in circles voicing your opinion that 90% here have repeatedly said they don't agree on you with.

I've never received a mother's day card from my mother or MIL. Obviously I have from my kids/husband. Is this an American thing? OP a lot of posters have tried to explain that you are being unreasonable but you are not listening. It really is a non issue and I doubt your MIL has any idea that this would bother you. She wants to see her daughter's on Mother's Day. I'm sure she likes you and enjoys spending time with you but you are not her child. I do not view my in laws or my bil, sil, nieces/nephews through marriage etc as the same as my blood family and if people split up I would have little or no relationship with some family members who are only my family through marriage. You seem to think your in-laws should view you and treat you the same as their children and this just isn't reality. You 'giving' them a grandchild makes no difference. Kindly, that was your choice, you did that for you and your husband, no one else. This would be a very silly thing to fall out over. Life is too short. Appreciate your own little family and enjoy other events when invited.

See that thing you said about pushing a child out etc etc. SHE did that too. You wouldn't have your husband if she didn't,

Oh grow up! No matter how many times you're told on here you still feel you're right! Your MIL celebrated with her daughters because guess what... MIL is there mum. If you didnt have children then your husband may have gone too. You celebrate your mother because she is your mum. Your husband organises stuff with your daughter because she is your daughter. I dont wish my MIL a happy mother's day and she doesn't wish me one either.

The only reason it will affect your daughter is if you make a big deal out of it which is what you're doing, when there's nothing to make a big deal about!

How embarrassing for your husband and I really hope he doesn't bring it up with his mum. Maybe look at yourself and think if its you if you don't get invited (I can see why)

Grow up

The funny thing is people like the OP are the exact mothers who go on to be crazy overbearing MILs.

OP, why are you making this all about YOU?

You had a nice time with your husband and child, you had a meal with your mother, you saw your MIL afterwards. What on earth are you complaining about?

Your MIL even asked your husband to attend but he had plans, to celebrate YOU. Your MIL is perfectly in her rights to see her kids on Mother’s Day. I honestly think you need to grow up and stop creating problems where there are none.

Your daughter is 4 - the only reason she would feel like a “second class citizen” is if YOU make her feel that is the case.

Say mother of his child again lol. It’s funny.

Mother's day is an occasion where at 6.30am your child brings you a bunch of daffs, a luke warm cup of tea, a cold slice of toast, a home made card, and a junk modeled sculpture and you exclaim with delight over them.
Later in the day you phone your own mother and wish her a happy mother's day, having posted a card last week. DH does the same. You may go out for lunch, or your DH may cook at home. You will be brought endless cups of tea and get the day off from any household jobs/chores.

That's it.

Everything else is stupid. And you really need to grow up

I really don’t see the issue here. Is it not the case that your SILs are celebrating their mother and those grandchildren are also there because the SILs are also mothers and want to celebrate mother’s day with their children. Surely your MIL assumed either that you were celebrating with your mother or that your husband and child were celebrating you separately? I don’t think you’ve been left out of anything - where were all the BILs?

Haven’t RTFT but this is an incredibly pass agg response and you will still sound unhinged. Just put it behind you and say “we’d love to be included in Mother’s Day celebrations as I want DD to have the opportunity to celebrate her grandmother” and be nice about it

Personally I think OP should do it!

I’ll get the popcorn and bookmark the next thread!

Christ, I thank all that’s Holy that you’re not my daughter in law!! You’re coming across as a spoilt, petulant, needy brat. Stop stamping your little feet and accept that your mother in law has EVERY RIGHT to spend Mother’s Day with her biological children! The world does not revolve around you!

I think this must be an American cultural thing, bc in a UK context it sounds batshit crazy.

This all sounds completely arse-about-face to me. Surely sons and daughters arrange treats for their mothers on Mothers Day? As a thank you for all the hard work mums put in. I'd think my MIL (or my mum for that matter) had gone completely barmy if she gave me a Mother's Day gift or card. It makes no sense.

That said, if this is how you do it in your family (and it appears it is, given that your MIL gave your DH a father day card), then yes, it does seem a bit unfair to leave you out. Although you did already have plans with both your DH and your mum anyway, so perhaps that's why?

But still, the whole thing seems to have missed what Mother's Day is - a chance to honour your own mum. Not your daughter, or DIL.

Yep. Read (or rather don't, don't waste your time!) the thread about a mother being concerned about her son's marriage. It's not the first time she's posted about this kind of fucked up family dynamic, either then or here.
Beats me what they get out of it, apart from attention.

I’m so sad they took away the laugh react button 😂

Op, do you love, respect and admire your mother in law wholeheartedly?
Do you adore her like your own mother?

Was that very recent, I remember one like it a few day’s ago.

You are verry hard work OP, small wonder you aren't getting invites from MIL. She is NOT your mother and you are NOT her daughter, Your child is NOT her child so your Mil is NOT your child's mother.🙄

that's weird. You are not his mother, makes sense he spends Mother's Day with HIS mum, not his wife.

It's Father's Day, you do something for and with your dad.
Mothers's day, with your own mum - and/or your kids.

OP, when your children are adults, and have their own partners.. chill. Be inclusive and welcoming by all means, but not completely barmy and over-bearing. As I said, many women would find it completely overbearing to be expected to spend Mother's Day with their MIL!

Here it would be a Give your head a wobble moment.

I used to give my mum a card and flowers on Mothering Sunday. When my DD was old enough she would make me card and a weird breakfast in bed. From DS, nothing usually.

No cards or gifts from mums, dads, husbands or inlaws.......because I'm not their mother. What's that all about?

Valentine's day has gone peculiar too.

My Mother on law, who is elderly and losing her filters, told me last year, " how much she loves me and I'm more like a daughter to hear than her own daughter is."
I was horrified. I would never want my sil to feel that was the case or to her that from her own mother !
We had to go round and round the houses having the same conversation again and again until her " phase" ( she repeats things a lot once she's thought of them) became " neighbour is such a nice dil, she has such a lot in common with our family and fits in so well"

I say this because I think it illustrates how easily a jealous rift could be created and how although you might be the best daughter in law in the world you are not her daughter! As a mother with a daughter you should understand that and cherish that relationship. Just as you can cherish being a daughter in law. It's different.

I certainly get to be cheekier. I don't toe the family line. She's alway known me as an adult and doesn't have any responsibility for my upbringing, so she's not my parent, can't tell me off for things in the same way.
We can be friends in a way she can't be with her daughter.