To be furious about inevitable menopause

[Fragmentedbrain]

I don't have it yet, 43, feel on top of the flipping world professionally and emotionally (that hollow dragging anxiety of youth is all gone).

But I know that any bloody moment now the brain fog and anxiety and insomnia and prolapse will come for me and ruin it.

I'm so damn angry.

Also, does anyone know if I could just start taking the contraceptive pill now and maybe stay on it for a decade and come out the other side without any of the symptoms?

The thing is, your menopause may or may not be difficult (and there's help if it is) but once it's done and you no longer have those pesky nurturing hormones you will experience a clarity hitherto unknown. I dreaded the menopause but if I'd known how fabulous post menopause would be I'd have wanted to have !done it a lot earlier!

As a woman in her 60s who has gone through menopause and is now healthier and happier than before it, the one thing that makes me furious is the "menopause industry" who frighten younger women into believing that menopause is always awful and anyone not on HRT will shrivel up and die in short order.
My friends and I all went through this just before the menopause became big business. Only 2 of the group had HRT, 6 did not. All of us continued in our careers, none of us failed or gave up and those of us without HRT are not less healthy, less successful or more wizened than those with it

I’ve got some real bad news for you. You’re going to die eventually. That’s something else you can’t do anything about.

Sarah Vine wrote a piece about this a week or two ago. She says she was given HRT, took it for some years but weaned off it due to shortages during Covid. She says it has given her an amazing freedom in a kind of "no more fucks to give" way and she wishes she had been told about the possibility she could feel better without hormones

It depresses me that, thanks to Davina and her “everyone should have HRT asap” campaign, women are worrying about the menopause when they’re barely past their child-bearing years. OP you shouldn’t even be thinking about the menopause yet. You could have another 10-15 years to go.

I wouldn't be wasting time worrying about it right now, you may breeze through it with a bit of luck.
If you do experience issues it's now relatively easy to get HRT and this does improve the symptoms.

I’ve often wondered about this. I’m not denying the existence of menopause/peri-menopause or trying to minimise its effects on some women. But I have wondered how much of it might be due to the insane demands a lot of women in midlife face, as you say.

I feel similarly about post-natal depression. Again, a very real thing and I’m not seeking to minimise it. But when I had postnatal depression it was caused by having a bad birth injury, poor maternity care, struggling with breastfeeding, limited family support, and not getting any sleep. It wasn’t ‘intrinsic’ depression so to speak.

Well said.

the one thing that makes me furious is the "menopause industry" who frighten younger women into believing that menopause is always awful and anyone not on HRT will shrivel up and die in short order.

And well said @QueenOfHiraeth

I am not a menopause denier because I work with women who are having a tough time, but I agree wholeheartedly with the above because I didn't have a tough time, and am glad to see that I am not the only one.

I think the problem with raising awareness of how early you can be Peri and all the horrible symptoms you can get means that it presents it at its worst.

I'm rapidly heading towards 50 with no peri as yet. I have to keep quiet because I don't want to upset people. Hopefully I won't be plagued with symptoms.

I feel sad I'm becoming old but then I remember friends and relatives who haven't got to see 40. Becoming old is something not every one gets to do.

So I’m 48 and still on the pill. I’ve used it to keep PCOS symptoms at bay. Some GPs won’t prescribe it this age but my main GP is fine as I don’t have any of the risk factors. I am worried about menopause and falling off a cliff if I suddenly stop so the plan is to move from the pill to high dose HRT and taper down from there. The pill I’m on is a low dose - I used to be on with a much higher die of oestrogen but it started giving me headaches etc so gradually tried various ones.

It's what I have observed in other women's lives

Nothing happened to me. Absolutely nothing. No hot flushes, brain fog, nothing. Just at 51 I stopped having periods.

I'm pleased about this. I don't understand people who enjoy being alive at all. The end is something to look forward to. The undignified slog until then less so.

You’re not observing the right women.

This is reassuring, thanks.

Here’s another way to look at it. Your generation have the information, menopause workplace support and HRT. Those of us now in our mid 50’s had to do this alone. No support groups, no empathy. No awareness or allowances made. It ruined my career and much more. You are so much luckier! I wish I could do it all again with what we know now and what is available now.

Seriously? I'm 53 and have never heard of anyone losing their professional standing or relationships over menopause. I know lots of women who changed their lives for the better. A few who have decided to take HRT and sing its praises. Maybe you need to talk to more older women. You are furious about something that is highly unlikely to happen.

If you have a wish why not wish we can just be like men instead?!?!? (In this one way obviously all the other ways look balls)

Because if we were like men we’d have to take the whole package - no fucking way.

There are so many people banging on about the menopause these days that it's no wonder you get the impression it's going to be hell. Well, like many on here, I didn't experience that. In fact, I wasn't that aware of it, just glad I didn't have periods anymore. I really wouldn't anticipate the worst.

I wasn’t too bad, I took herbal supplements which must have helped. My friend took HRT from 40years ( she had a hysterectomy) and felt great but when she stopped at 60years she had terrible menopause symptoms.

Are you OK? No snark intended.

The good thing about menopause being discussed everywhere is that women don't suffer in silence, and don't mistakenly believe there's nothing they can do about it.

It doesn't mean every woman will suffer from each negative aspect, or even from one problem at all.

OP, you don’t sound very well. This, in combination with your other comments is rather worrying.

What’s going on in your life? Apart from your (initially amusing, now a bit strange) fury about basic biology, is everything else good?

If you are looking forward to death- then I think you need to seek help, because you won't be able to cope with menopause or anything else.
Being resentful about being alive is definitely a mental health red flag.