To be furious about inevitable menopause

[Fragmentedbrain]

I don't have it yet, 43, feel on top of the flipping world professionally and emotionally (that hollow dragging anxiety of youth is all gone).

But I know that any bloody moment now the brain fog and anxiety and insomnia and prolapse will come for me and ruin it.

I'm so damn angry.

Also, does anyone know if I could just start taking the contraceptive pill now and maybe stay on it for a decade and come out the other side without any of the symptoms?

Apart from a few hot flushes I had absolutely no other issues. Periods just dwindled off at around 42 and by 45 that was it.

I was taking the pill on and off from the age of 17 to 49. Mini pill and combined pill. A few years with copper coil instead, when I developed endometriosis aged 39 and they also said I had PCOS.

I stopped taking the pill six months ago to see if my periods have stopped before thinking of what HRT to have. Six months no periods - fantastic. No menopausal symptoms whatsoever, no endometriosis or PCOS symptoms thank God. A few years ago on the mini pill I had low oestrogen symptoms.

At the age of 49 now my oestrogen levels must be through the floor but I have had nothing like that at all and just feel great. Yes, I do have some brain fog and forgetfulness but nothing any worse than I've had for the last couple of years. If it carries on like this I may not bother with any kind of HRT- subject to any bone density scans I may have in a few years' time.

I feel better than I have for 20 years- since before I had DDs.

I had no symptoms at all, my periods just gradually slowed and stopped. Same for mum and sister. My career continued as before. No point worrying about something that might never happen!

I am super well thanks I think it's ridiculous you can't imagine that not everyone wants to live forever no matter how decrepit the body they're sitting in. I think maybe some people have very little imagination about what the future holds. Sure menopause may well be overstated now thanks to Davina et al but old age is gonna suck hard.

No prolapse. No friends of mine have reported prolapse and we’re all post menopausal. I went through menopause at 53. Honestly my 50s were my best decade so far. I was confident, energetic, I achieved masses. You need to eat well, keep as fit as possible and try to stay positive. Try to stop worrying and enjoy what sounds like a really fruitful time for you.

Most of us don’t want to live forever. That’s very different from I'm pleased about this. I don't understand people who enjoy being alive at all. The end is something to look forward to. The undignified slog until then less so.

And, as commenters are a wide variety of ages, for some of us old age isn’t ’the future’. It’s right now. And, much like being post-menopausal, it doesn’t ’suck hard’.

The sentiments you are expressing are extreme and irrational. It seems highly unlikely that you are ‘super well’.

This is exactly how the previous thread by OP ended, as I remember

Snide predictions of doom, vaginas disintegrating into dust and derision of older people, happy people and happy older people!

Many of us have a very good idea of what the future might hold, having cared for elderly relatives. But also I know that it varies tremendously, often depending on how much care you take of yourself. Now in my sixties I am having the time of my life. I'm happily married,I do weights at the gym, take courses, have lovely holidays, see my family regularly and have a great social life. My parents were the same and they lived to be ninety. I don't know anyone who's had a prolapse! Where did that come from?
Honestly you found as if you are over anxious and dwelling on things that might never happen. Growing old may obviously not "for the faint hearted" as my mother in law used to say, but there are a lot of wonderful things to come still.

I'm sorry to tell you but the only people who don't have a horrible time at the end are the ones who avoid the very end. Our bodies and minds decaying while we're still in there is not a fun time. You're entitled to feel differently - but it's not a sign of your amazing well adjusted sanity (I'd say it's coping mechanism delusion if I were as rude as your chose to be, but I'm not).

My mum is 80, and still bizarrely enjoying life. Travelling, gardening, meeting friends and family. The deluded prolapsed fool!

You are free to be miserable for the next 40 years anticipating doom, or 'avoid the end'. It's your prerogative. But then why do you need this thread?

Don’t waste your time getting angry or worrying about it. My periods only started to get irregular at 52/53, and I had a period 4 months ago. No other symptoms, except perhaps slightly drier than normal feeling hands but that started during Covid with using hand sanitiser. I’ve got loads of energy, run my own business which needs focus, detailed plans and ideas and I’ve had no brain fog. I work out a lot, im strong and fit and am a healthy weight. I can lift significantly more weight training now than I could in my twenties. I haven’t piled on the pounds or grown a pot belly. I had a bone density test for dental treatment recently too and my dentist said she wished all her patients had my bone health as it made the implant I needed straight forward.

Thing is, I had a few months when I was about 45 and going through a difficult stressful time at work when I started to get depressed and anxious and I was fixated then on worrying about aging and the menopause.If I knew then how the next 10 years would actually go I wouldn’t have wasted my time worrying and being down about it.

My dad was 99 when he died. He didn’t have a horrible time at the end. He was playing golf until six months before, socialising at his golf club. He had his last holiday when he was 98. I really think you need some counselling @Fragmentedbrain. This catastrophising isn’t healthy.

Ah, there’s been more? This doesn’t surprise me.

Again: The sentiments you are expressing are extreme and irrational. It seems highly unlikely that you are ‘super well’.

This is the poster who started a thread about people being healthier when they smoked. So I wouldn't take their extreme opinions too seriously really. I think they like to just like to post bollocks for a reaction.

It's really nothing to be angry about get on HRT not everybody has terrible times .

What on earth?! 😂

As soon as I started the menopause I started on hrt. I had always planned this. I stayed on it for 15 years and then came off it with no trouble. Why suffer when you don't have to?

Not everyone gets menopausal symptoms - but those lucky individuals tend not to shout it out because many of their friends do suffer the negative symptoms to varying degrees from mild to awful. Why the anger about something you aren’t displaying any symptoms of and might be one of the lucky ones that doesn’t suffer symptoms or only very minor ones. Reframe your thinking - it isn’t an inevitability you will get symptoms.

I fully agree that I would want to live forever in an old decrepit body that I couldn't have a decent life. Hence why I have an advance directive to not get possible life saving treatment if it has a good chance of leaving me incapable etc. Same as I wouldn't be taking stuff like aggressive cancer treatment that could wreck me etc

However I can't say life is shit just because I'm past menopause

Not everyone can take hrt either though

I only talk about not having a terrible time if someone asks because I don't want someone who is suffering to think that I think they are making it up.

Tell me about it! I was in TV, relatively senior but in production. All the men have sailed through and most are running their own companies/TV channels. To be fair some women are also but largely those without children or a great support network. I’m junior in a charity earning a few pounds above minimum wage. It was more complicated that just the menopause, but really escalated (lately diagnosed) ND added to the situation. That side of me was celebrated in my 30’s, seen as resilient, quirky etc. doesn’t quite work in my 50’s, Just assumed by many to be a mad middle aged woman!

I've never felt better! I had awful mood swings and my hormones made me stupid when dating / in a relationship. I'm now much more balanced, clear headed and fiercely single.

I’m with you @RampantIvy, compared to a colleague and DSis I have had a relatively easy menopause.

OP don’t go looking for a bad menopause because you may be one of the luckier ones and have mild symptoms.

For me there’s the odd bit of brain fog but not necessarily any more than before menopause. Occasional hot flushes, (sometimes self inflicted if I overdo chocolate and sweet things), incredibly rare to have night sweats. A colleague had the most dreadful hot flushes and night sweats, we were all sympathetic rather than crowing about having a better time. Same team had a colleague who had a prolapse but rare amongst all the menopausal women I know. We all hold down stressful jobs and are still functioning well despite being ‘old’.

I get a bit rage-filled and sweary on the motorway when I get cut up by some eejit but not to the point that I’d do something stupid to enact petty revenge.