To be furious about inevitable menopause

[Fragmentedbrain]

I don't have it yet, 43, feel on top of the flipping world professionally and emotionally (that hollow dragging anxiety of youth is all gone).

But I know that any bloody moment now the brain fog and anxiety and insomnia and prolapse will come for me and ruin it.

I'm so damn angry.

Also, does anyone know if I could just start taking the contraceptive pill now and maybe stay on it for a decade and come out the other side without any of the symptoms?

I’m 54 and have more energy and clarity than I had in my 40s. I did make some changes ( no alcohol, watch my food, regular exercise and prioritise sleep). With work I feel so much better .

Not sure why you're acting like I'm stupid here. Women should be checked for prolapse as a standard part of postpartum care and as they get older, even if they are not experiencing symptoms.

Early diagnosis of prolapse means you can get treatment faster and stop it from worsening and becoming symptomatic.

Yeah, this. Why borrow trouble? Enjoy your youth and put good habits in place - nutrition, fitness etc. Work on becoming more chilled out.

I’m not acting like you’re stupid. You quoted a misleading figure which even your own source doesn’t support and you’ve quintupled down on it. I wouldn’t be getting so frustrated with you if you’d just acknowledged you were wrong.

I’m 49 and except for feeling like the world is ending two days before my period, I’m honestly fine. I’m not on HRT either.

I feel lucky to have hit peri before the social media bombardment if information about it (much of which is trying to scare us into buying some product or service or other)

My main peri symptom is migraines. Which are horrible. But I haven’t lost my critical faculties or collapsed into emotional freefall (so far 😬)

I think for a lot of women midlife is characterised by a horrific pincer movement of caring responsibilities in the generations above and below, when you’re also at the peak of your working life. This doesn’t affect most men in the same way.

Peri gets blamed for a lot of ‘symptoms’ that could just as easily be explained by stupidly unequal expectations of women, plus caregiving burnout once all the mothering hormones have left the building and you suddenly wake up to the realisation of how fucking done you are with thanklessly looking after everyone all the time and the fact you’re surrounded by jammy ungrateful little shits who are bleeding you dry.

There is some rage, yeah. 🤣

But if you don’t have kids that’s one stress / responsibility you don’t have to deal with.

You’ll probably be fine. Just a bit more tired and achey for a bit, with worse PMT for a few years.

I think it's good we hear more about menopause, and "treatments", so women know it's not something they have to put up with and resign themselves to suffer in silence. The same way as knowing that having a baby/ going through menopause means you get fat and will never have a flat stomach ever again- all bollocks.

What is less good is becoming obsessed about it when you suffer nothing!

I have stage 3 endo - I can't WAIT for menopause.

I'm counting down the months.

I've quoted the most common figure across hundreds of papers.

We're just talking about two different stats. Women with prolapse and women with symptomatic prolapse. Neither of us are wrong.

what happened to the world?

that scene with Kristin Scott Thomas in Fleabag was in 2019. I know that 2019 is a long long time ago. But even in 2022, the writers would have chosen not to put that in.

how can we have reached a stage where there's so much coverage about something that might not be an issue, that younger women are freaking out about it?

It's one thing to be aware of potential health problems but assuming one that's not inevitable is bizarre.

I've said it before on here and people get angry at the mere mention of things maybe being fine. I've spent half my life being treated for medical things. I know what happen but why would I ruin a state of happiness - which you @Fragmentedbrain seem to have - by assuming a future problem? It's bonkers.

@Fragmentedbrain still wonder if it's the internet - in which case, time to touch grass. Seriously. Chances are it's lovely where you are. I'm only typing this because it's 17 mins till my bus!

Not necessarily. Just because the (peri) menopause is being talked about more now and there’s far more awareness about it than there used to be, which is obviously a great thing, it doesn’t mean every woman will suffer all or any negative symptoms. Don’t waste the time during which you are feeling great worrying about a scenario that may never even happen. If it does, there’s far more help available now. Women have always survived this stage of life since time began. You’ll be no different.

I think God herself decided after a lifetime of debilitating periods and infertility to cut me slack at menopause, so I had it easy compared to others. I also didn’t know that perimenopause was a thing, so that was a thing less to worry about.

you may be lucky, you may not but that’s what HRT is for

And I’m at the top of my game, and confidently kick ass professionally every day —granted at 57 that’s metaphorical, one doesn’t want a gippy hip—

Don't make a statement about something you obviously no nothing about, the menopause can make you very ill, it's debilitating and disabling for many of us that suffer severely.

I am furious that I am more likely to get diabetes than a white woman because of my shitty genetic inheritance.

Don't be taken in by the current media focus on menopause / perimenopause. It's massively overhyped. Women have been doing this forever without Davina McCall's input. Don't overthink it and see what happens. For me it's been the best and most liberating period of my life. The whole 'everything is shit' narrative is not true for everyone and I'd wager that it's not even true for the majority of people. It's hype from people wanting to sell books, supplements, therapies blah blah. Just live through it and take it as it comes, as your probably did through puberty and every other part of your life.

Omg I have always hated fleabag but that scene within it was like the top turd in the shitty experience! You are right it wouldn't happen now (I hope)

@Fragmentedbrain wait, you're angry about that scene and you were six years ago? Why?!

Also loved that scene in Fleabag because it was the first time I'd heard anyone celebrating menopause, which has been my experience of it. It's fucking amazing. (Which is something you don't normally say because clearly many people really struggle with awful symptoms -- but if you have had a shitty time with your periods for whatever reason it can be a blessed releif).

My menopause started at 23 then was full-on at age 27 due to hysterectomy and oopherectomy for endometriosis and adenomyosis.
I've not given birth. It was tough in my 20s and 30s but easier in my 40s. Maybe I'm just used to living with it, I don't know, it's been so long now it's part of my life.

I take Livial as a form of HRT and more recently vaginal oestrogen which has been a real transformation for me with alleviating vag and bladder symptoms. Has reduced my UTIs.

Doing ok career-wise.
Would definitely recommend the vaginal oestrogen.

I hear you OP. 💐

@Thaawtsom honestly I'm wondering if there's anything positive left that we are allowed to say.

I moved a couple of years ago. So that's involved meeting a lot of new people who don't know about my poor health history. I'm almost starting to wonder if I should share it because I think people are irritated when they meet someone who they perceive to have zero health problems.

Younger folk aren't too bad - which may be a factor in the age of my last boyfriend LOL -but if younger women are just storing up rage in advance of menopause, then there's no hope.

Or maybe I've just fallen for one person who fancies making trouble today.

I'm going somewhere sane now. MN is batshit today.

Because it was quite dismissive of older women (no possibility of getting a shag etc)

Direct your anger at the menopause industry where it belongs, op. If the meno ghouls didn't put the fear of god up you, how would they ever get you to buy all their menobrand supplements and associated shit? I wish Davina McCall and her ilk would piss off.

I am the other side of it. Never got brain fog, no prolapses, no violent rages or depression, just lots of hot flushes. People need to stop treating the menopause as a terrible, disabling condition that every woman will suffer.

This is hopeful but I also sense that hormones are at the root of a lot of misery in this world. I still remember finding that usborne body book as a child and being aghast and no adult being particularly sympathetic but I say it now over 30 years later what the fuck we are supposed to just accept this shit?????