To be furious about inevitable menopause

[Fragmentedbrain]

I don't have it yet, 43, feel on top of the flipping world professionally and emotionally (that hollow dragging anxiety of youth is all gone).

But I know that any bloody moment now the brain fog and anxiety and insomnia and prolapse will come for me and ruin it.

I'm so damn angry.

Also, does anyone know if I could just start taking the contraceptive pill now and maybe stay on it for a decade and come out the other side without any of the symptoms?

I am gladdened by the "it was fine for me" tales. I know there's no point borrowing trouble really.

My mum didn't have a great time of it but I guess we are not all like our mothers (plus she had annoying me to deal with).

Clearly that can’t be the case and your life must be in a shambles.

As an aside your username made me lol given the current topic 🤣

I actually keep my Hollywood wax up mostly because it's keeping my most visible sign of mortality at bay

I was on the progesterone only pill throughout my menopause for contraception. I only really knew I was going through menopause because my periods became irregular and eventually stopped.

I'm 55 now and don't feel that different to when I was younger, maybe I get more tired in the evening and like an early night but that's about it. I have a career and a good marriage, my DS are doing well, can't really complain about life.

You are either going to age, or you're going to die young, the former is probably the better option.

Well only up to a point, eh. Definitely don't want to get old old. But I think men get to be powerhouses in their 50s and it annoys me that we are undermined in this way.

Still, I like your story of it actually being fine, thanks.

Ah, I'm sorry @Fragmentedbrain. I was attempting tongue in cheek there, I wasn't trying to be mean.

If it helps, I've come through the menopause with my intellectual capacity intact. There was a year or two in my 40s when after a particularly challenging day at work I'd barely be able to remember my own name, but like I said, HRT fixed that. I'm still firing on all mental cylinders now in my early 60s, and long may it last.

The actual menopause was a bit shit, but some years on, I feel on top of the flipping world professionally and emotionally (that hollow dragging anxiety of a younger age is all gone).

Thanks @Fragmentedbrain as one child free woman to another you made me laugh- I used to feel that since I wasn't going to have any DC I ought to be let off having periods. Seriously, the menopause wasn't that bad for me, no night sweats or anxiety and I've never used HRT, no prolapse problems either but that's more related to child birth and aging together so you'd be unlucky if that happened to you. Don't spoil your 40s worrying about something that may never happen

No I know you were joking it's ok it's just other bloody people aren't! Grrrr

Glad you are feeling in good nick

I'm 50 . No symptoms yet. You could be feeling angry for years waiting for them!

But I know that any bloody moment now the brain fog and anxiety and insomnia and prolapse will come for me and ruin it.

It's so depressing that so many women are being sold the idea that the menopause inevitably brings bad health. It feels like we have been flung into a rerun of male-dominated Victorian medicine , with its view that women and their wandering wombs were just flawed by nature.

Plenty of women just stop having periods and shout 'Yay, liberation from tampons!' without any symptoms at all to speak of.

Stop being furious about ill-health that might well not happen, @Fragmentedbrain. It is no more rational than being furious about future arthritis that you may or may not suffer from.

Ill health during menopause is no-one's destiny. What began as a serious effort to get more acknowledgement and support for the women who do get ill has become an industry, dedicated to selling the weird idea of 'Illness for all'.

Yes, @Cushionseams, I'm more confident professionally now than I've ever been.

my brain and professional standing and peaceful relationships will all be taken away from me for no reason

You’re catastrophising. My brain’s still fine, my career continued for nearly 20 years after the menopause as did my marriage. The absolute joy of being on the other side, not giving a fuck about all the things that previously caused me angst and no more mess or fluctuating hormones made me feel like Wonderwoman.

Ha I did think that about my username myself when I posted! 🙈

It's completely unrelated though and the only grey carpet is in my bedroom! 😁

One of the things that makes me anxious is that my GP is turboshit (they text regularly to say "we are short on staff please only contact us in an emergency" and it's like how would we know the difference?) so I know if I ask for help I'm likely to have to pay for it. Ughhh. You're all right no point worrying in advance.

So rage is a menopause symptom.

Having said that, I went through menopause at 46. I did have rage, did have night sweats and hot flushes but it wasn't debilitating. I now (53) take vaginal oestrogen so all those symptoms gone and I feel AMAZING and so much better than I ever did when I was on the monthly hormone rollercoaster. My moods have really stabilised, as has my relationship with food. Not everyone has a shit time through menopause. I feel powerful, amazing, I look good, I am fitter and slimmer than I have ever been and I know my own mind like never before. Don't write yourself off before you need to. AND if you have symptoms, they are often alleviated if you get the HRT right. (Not for all people, for sure, but for most people I know IRL).

I'm less angry than I've ever been in my life. I'm still entitled to be intellectually angry that my brain and professional standing and peaceful relationships will all be taken away from me for no reason. I didn't have kids cos I don't like them why do I have to do this ovary related nonsense!

What makes you so certain all of that is going to happen? And a prolapse - are you experiencing related issues currently?

Every single emotion, physical sensation or bloody food preference is now met with "oh that will be peri

I find it infuriating, but it's mainly coming from women about themselves, as an excuse more than anything else.

We are our worst enemies: we're aging, so we must all be fat, useless, sleep deprived, brain dead. Please.

You just have to invest in yourself to avoid most of the symptoms, it's not that horrendous. Would all these women start thinking about exercising, losing weight and so on without the threat of menopause? Maybe not, so maybe it's a good thing.

As long as I keep a full on sex life, I am happy - and speaking with various people, their own experience and medical knowledge, sex is still very much on 😂

I’ve got the implant (nearing 50 now) and have had no period or PMT for 15 years, hope the good times continue through menopause!

It's not literal rage I hope this is apparent 🤣

Interesting re the vaginal oestrogen - is that the only form of hrt you take?

You're all right no point worrying in advance

you can at least inform yourself about the best physical way to deal with it, and start being active in that way now, won't hurt.

Seriously, OP, it's really not worth worrying about.

Some women sail through it and others don't.

A bit like periods, pregnancy, childbirth, life in general...

It's going to happen whether you like it or not. Ypu can't scare it off by being angry at it 😉

I understand most people end up with some prolapse eventually :(

Because you’re a woman and going through menopause is part of the life for us regardless of whether we’ve had children or not. You say you’ve never been less angry but you do sound angry. One of my first symptoms, not that I realised it at the time, was being irrational. so this could be a symptom for you without you realising. I’m generally fine although do get a bit of brain fog and I feel very hot most of the time which is annoying. Many women get through menopause without too many issues so hopefully you’ll be one of those. See your GP if you want to talk things through, I’d definitely mention what you’ve posted here as I do think your feelings could be part of it. Good luck.

No prolapse here, despite two pregnancies. Whoever told you that was wrong.