Holiday offer revoked

[Singineletricdreams]

I am in the midst of a divorce from DH, which on the most part is fairly civil.

Although we don’t have any children together, I have 2 children from my previous marriage, and every summer we would go to the US and visit DH’s family. DH’s extended family would be there and it’s a lovely relaxing time, and there are lots of cousins etc for my kids to socialise with. They own several holiday homes in the US, and we would have our own house for 3-4 weeks.

Last week, I received a short WhatsApp message from his sister telling me they’ll miss not having the kids visit. This came as a surprise as I was expecting to go. Although DH and I are seperating, I don’t see why his family would want to cut of contact . I phoned DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

AIBU to think this is shitty behaviour?

No, the marriage is finished now theres no need for you to be there anymore. It’s not the Walton’s. It probably doesn’t feel very nice, but eventually you’ll both want to move on and it’s just awkward. Best just stop now.

Genuinely, what are you upset about? Is it about losing contact with the family? I’m which case there is nothing stopping you from going on holiday nearby to where they are and paying for you and your children to stay in a hotel, and then suggesting a meal out with those that you are closest to - they can say yes or no. If you are unhappy about losing your freebie holiday then you need to really check your privilege.

She's after a free holiday at his families expense. She needs to have some self respect. What was she hoping for starting this thread to plot and plan how to get a free holiday from his family. Do you have any ideas for her?

Why would you be invited the relationship had ended you share no children and therefore have zero need to be each others lives.

Him and his ex step kids and his ex too apparently

This sounds quite unbelievable...

@Singineletricdreams

I don’t see why his family would want to cut of contact.

You're not part of the family anymore, and the kids were his stepchildren — he doesn't even speak to them now. It’s a bit optimistic to think you can separate and still expect access to his family’s holiday homes, like that’s part of the deal.

I phoned DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

Honestly, I’d be pretty embarrassed to call up an ex and ask to use the family holiday home when you're no longer together and there’s no relationship anymore — especially when the kids weren’t even his

AIBU to think this is shitty behaviour?

YABU, and taking the utter piss.

I’m afraid that’s just how it goes with step-children. Now that you’ve separated, the chances of him seeing your kids again are basically zero. It’s time to accept that he’s gone — and you’re on your own now.

He is still involved and will see them on an ad hoc basis

The reality is, most step-parents don’t stay involved after a breakup. I think you need to start facing the fact that he’s moved on, and so should you.

The truth is, the next father figure in their lives will come from your next relationship.

Well duh.

Oh ok sorry, I missed that, my mistake

The unreasonable behaviour is not withdrawal of the offer earlier, once the divorce intentions were known.

This was the bit that confused me...

@Singineletricdreams seems to think they're cousins and wants the holiday perks.

Why on earth would you visit his family, when you’re splitting up
very odd that you would still go
also , USA visit atm do you live under a bush ???

OP, my exH's family never spoke another word to me from the moment he decided to leave me. I was pretty taken aback, but when it comes down to it, families often close ranks when there's a divorce, no matter how much they have seemed/pretended to like you in the past.

Why would they still have you and your (not his) children over? That's what divorce is, unfortunately.

The point that I was raising was that after the divorce they didn’t regard my Mother as part of their family anymore so weren’t expecting to see her again.
The OP was made welcome on the holidays previously as she was with her DH, now they are no longer together they don’t see her as part of their family so wouldn’t plan on seeing her further.

You could still use the flights and have a fun holiday, and perhaps even meet up once with their 'friends' / ex step cousins there if the children both sides are very keen, but I wouldn't be expecting to stay in their homes

That ship has sailed for you now I’m afraid. The link was your husband and now that’s gone, sadly so has the relationship and need to see each other.

Yes I understand, difference being you were biologically related to the person you were visiting so it’s not quite as bizarre as OPs situation.

About 99% of the comments are not saying she should still be getting a free holiday!
But there’s a big difference between OP expecting a free holiday and saying she should stay married.

Does OP say she’s booked flights?
it wouldn’t be a good idea to go and try and meet up, if ex is there and even if he isn’t that would be really awkward.

He’s divorcing you not your kids. Depending on how long you’ve been together it seems sad that he is just going to dump them.
my stepdad dumped my sister and I after 20+ years as I was about 3/4 when mum
met him

I think you have to respect their wishes under the circumstances.

Many families would be the same.

YANBU if would be different if they were his kids but their not so he doesn't have to keep providing free holidays

The holiday offer has not been revoked. It was never there in the first place now you're divorcing.

Be prepared that once you split he probably see them a few times and then stop!