AIBU to not let DD have a sleepover with the girl she is going out with?

[weebarra]

DD is 11, in her last year of primary school in Scotland. She is the youngest of 3, her oldest brother is 17. Not that it matters, but he is bisexual.
DD has recently started ‘going out’ with another girl she knows from out of school activities, different primary but they’ll be in the same class at high school. They’ve just had their P7/S1 transition days.
DD would like her girlfriend to come for a sleepover.
I’ve said no as their relationship is not just that of friends. I know they are 11/12, but DD herself says it’s a different feeling. I’ve tried to explain that I wouldn’t let her have a sleepover with a boy either, but she’s very angry with me and that I’m disgusting to think that anything sexual would happen between them at this age. AIBU?

I would be the same as you, I wouldn’t allow my sons 12 year old “gf” to stay so why should it be any different?

She's 11 - what do you imagine will actually happen?

The child is 11. The parent is right to try and stop this happening at all costs!

I'd be more mortified about your homophobic opinions if I were you.

WTF they are 11! Nobody should be having any form of sex at 11. They are children!!

She’s in year bloody 6!!!! Who is having sex at that age??? Good god

I’m wondering if that poster missed the age tbh.

I wouldn’t allow it either, OP. The sex of the children involved is irrelevant. If they’re GF/BF, GF/GF or BF/BF then they wouldn’t be having a sleepover under my roof below the age of consent. And I would be furious if another parent knowingly allowed this to happen under their roof without speaking to me first ie. if I thought a friendship was platonic but the other parent knew it wasn’t.

At age 11?

11 is too young for a relationship of any sort, and most definitely too young for the person she's 'seeing' to sleep over.

It must be because I'm old, but WTF, how would anyone know at age 11 if they are same sex or opposite sex attracted and have a girlfriend or boyfriend.

OK, OK, when I were a lass it was around age 15 that stirrings happened lol 😊such repression maybe back then.

Can you quote from the OP where this has been said?

Thanks for the responses, to be clear I have no intention of letting DD and her friend have a sleepover.
I don’t think DD has any sexual feelings but I’m well aware exploration can happen at this age and I don’t want her or her friend to feel uncomfortable or under pressure.
I also agree that 11 is so young but we see younger children’s parents talking about ‘X’s wee boyfriend’ which is totally yuck.
For the poster suggesting my children have unfettered access to social media which is clearly ‘giving them ideas’, I’m hugely glad that they feel they can talk about their feelings with me honestly - even if DS1 and I do disagree as I’m GC and he’s…not!
I think it’s more likely that they see non-traditional relationships around them, are comfortable with them and therefore see nothing wrong with them.

I don't think I'd allow any sleepovers with only one other child. I'd say it's too intense on the friendship. I'd be ok with her staying over as one of many though.

They're 'going out' together... as in ... girlfriend and girlfriend.

The answer is no.

Not because they might have sex but because 11 is too young to be in a relationship. The adults need to sensibly put distance between them and not allow it to become too intense.

It’s as simple as that.

Why are 11 year olds in romantic relationships... this seems weird to me.

I don't know anyone in my daughter's y6 group who considers themselves girlfriend/boyfriends.

Dd2 was always ‘dating’ some boy in year 6 who she never ever saw out of school 😂

It’s mainly just copying adult behaviour at that age.

The problem is you allow it because they're 11 but then in a couple of years or at some point you'd have to stop it because of her age?

If you wouldn't allow it with a boy I don't think you should allow it with a girl if she's expressed feelings.

I am not that young but I was definitely kissing boys at the age of 11, and my friends too... they probably won't do anything more than that, but I wouldn't want that at a sleepover under my roof.
Rules should apply regardless of gender and sexual preferences, but the poster who said she would allow if it was a group of girls and she was one of them, I agree with that.

oh God that old chestnut 🙄. They’re 11 ffs.

You obviously didn't go to a girls' boarding school!

I think this might be the answer OP.

I got ‘married’ at 8 and ‘divorced’ at 11. We didn’t even speak to each other really, it was basically play acting.

My 18 year old DD is a lesbian, and the rule we had was that her girlfriend was only allowed to stay over once she was 17, and they had been dating for at least 3 months. The rule is the same for our heterosexual 16 year old DD's boyfriend. We were very aware when we made the rule that it would have to be the same for both children, regardless of sexual orientation, so YANBU @weebarra, and as your DD gets older, she should be happy that you respect the fact she's in a 'relationship', and are treating it as such.