To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

[ThatDenimLurker]

You can love your child and still mourn the life you gave up.

What does "growing up" even mean? And what does it have to do with having children?

No she hasn't. I often notice when @KimberleyClark posts because I find her thoughts thoughtful and interesting. And she never goes out of her way to insist that parents must be miserable. She does respond when people make that assumption about childfree people, which seems reasonable to me.

Gosh that is really awful!
I didn’t realise there was a child free board on Mumsnet - seems very strange in a parenting forum

Well I disagree

I don’t find my life boring. I find it odd people cannot fathom ways of occupying one’s time outside of parenting?

I am also am a grown up. Growing up and being a parent have nothing to do with each other.

I regret it sometimes but only because I worry about the future - I never thought about it before. Climate change, house prices, war, god knows what else. I wonder what things will be like in 30 years and wonder if I did the right thing.

I guess without children. I'd have...I don't know....gone on more city breaks? Eaten out more? So what? It just seems a bit boring

What a limited imagination you must have.

I absolutely do not regret having DC, but it's mostly because I lived my life to its fullest in my youth and became a mother later on. I travelled the world and now I don't feel as though I missed out on anything or focus on any opportunity cost of having children. It doesn't feature in my thoughts. My children are amazing. I could not be more happy and quietly proud of them to friends, family and in public.

I don’t really understand the concept of ‘regretting’ having children. I decided I wanted the responsibility of being a mother for better or for worse and so wouldn’t question whether my life could have been better or different further down the line. Once you have a child, you make your lives the best it can be, with them being a part of it, for both of you. What’s the point in analysing something that you can’t reverse? Just make the most of your situation as it is!

I don’t find my life boring. I find it odd people cannot fathom ways of occupying one’s time outside of parenting?

It’s utterly incomprehensible isn’t it. I think only boring people think that way. It’s similar to those people who just keep on working way past retirement age because they lack the imagination to see what else they could do with their life.

I am also am a grown up. Growing up and being a parent have nothing to do with each other.

Quite. If everyone became a mature and responsible adult the moment they became parents there wouldn’t be any children growing up in care.

Yes, this.

I’ve read research on this and the percentage who regret is really low. And those individuals usually have other life difficulties that are making parenting particularly hard.

And it’s possible to ‘mourn’ or be wistful about your own life without regretting having children!

Just like you can be happy you emigrated but still miss aspects of your home country.

Can you explain why you have to be a parent to post on the telly addicts board, the pet owners boards, the gardening boards, the health boards, the feminism boards, the elderly parents board, the style and beauty board, and any number of threads in AIBU or Chat that have nothing to do with parenting?

I don't regret my children at all. I have two absolutely amazing kids. However I sometimes regret the timing I had them. I had my first at 18. Me & DH were broke, didn't really have all the nice things I would've wanted to give her at that age. Job stability was shit. We were stuck in a flat with damp. Then I didn't have my second until 5 years later. Again should I have had such a big gap between children? They are like chalk and cheese. I feel like I was a much better parent the second time around. I learnt a lot more between the two. Sometimes I feel so guilty because I feel like my second born got the better deal. We were more established, nicer home, better jobs, more money, calmer parents etc.

Yes I agree it is very low - and certainly not the norm!

Because it’s MUMSNET!

Ahem. Allow me be the first to proclaim BINGO!!!

So

Very mature and reasoned response.

if you have a real problem with non-mums being allowed to post here or having their own board, I suggest you make a case to MNHQ to have us removed.

All women are welcome on mumsnet. Hth.

Agree with this. Sure, some do but isnt it completely natural to wonder and idealise/fantasise about the path in life that you DIDNT take?

Eg. I am an only child, I used to desperately dream about having a sibling when I was younger because I hated being an only child. Now I am older I see loads of people who dont even talk to their siblings and fight constantly. However, my image I had of my dream sibling in my mind would have been my best friend because noone dreams about an alternative life when its shit do they?

I also know child free couples who say they regret not having children so I think wondering "what if...." is a pretty standard human experience that happens to all of us.

What I have a problem with is your group of childfree people that post regularly about how parents should feel regret about having children and how awful children are and how your lives are much better than those of parents - not just on your special board but across the whole site! Fair enough you have got your board which is actually pretty vile as I have just hopped across to have a look - why don’t you just stay on there if you don’t like parents talking about their children? Why do you feel the need to be on parenting boards - other than to goad parents about how shit their lives are with children. Why do you guys feel the need to constantly make it a war between parents and non-parents? IMO you guys are protesting too much about happy your lives are child-free and feel a lot of resentment to parents who actually enjoy their lives with their kids in it

And?

This is exactly the kind of unpleasant comment people object to.

There is something seriously wrong with your attitude.
Mumsnet has alway had child free people, and shockingly some men too, you're determined to argue with anyone who isn't like you.
Get yourself a coffee.