To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

[ThatDenimLurker]

You can love your child and still mourn the life you gave up.

I know a few people regret having babies in their 40s.

And i know people who regretted having them in their 20's and wish they'd waited. Not sure how this is relevant ...

I would never assume a childfree person was missing out so i don't know why they have to insist everyone with children are miserable. It really screams 'unsure and trying to convince myself'

I new a few in their 20s who have the same regrets as well.
Its life really.

Yup exactly this!

This sounds totally different to my twenties where I spent a lot of my spare time getting wasted I hate to admit. This sounds like what I would probably be doing now in my 30s if I was child free. Plus travelling a lot. I can’t imagine it would be the same as my 20s if I were child free.

I definitely don’t regret it. I hate to think what my life would have been like without my children, all the joy and love I’d have missed out on.

I also think people without children often really want to believe that lots of mothers regret having children. I think there are a minority of mothers who do but mist are happy with their choice to have children.

Most of us don’t do that, or only in response to parents who insist that our lives must be empty/boring/unfulfilled.

Personally, I see nothing appealing about parenthood and know that I would find the whole thing far too intense and overwhelming.

I certainly don't assume everyone is the same as me, though.

Yes I think so too. My life would be different but definitely not better without children

@KimberleyClarkbut you are one of the main posters that HAS been doing this

Best thing I ever did. I think the number of people who regret having children is very small, especially these days where it’s completely accepted to choose not to.

The question of mourning one’s childfree life is different. Of course having children involves changes and that means adjustment, which can be difficult.

I appreciate you saying that - after all everyone is of course not the same. But some people on here insist that all parents are unhappy and regret having children

Show me where I’ve said that parents lives are miserable on this thread please.

I think it can be easy to assume that everyone struggles with the things you struggle with (and that everyone enjoys the things you enjoy, too).

I can be quite black and white with my thinking (autism) and find it hard to see why anyone would choose parenthood, but logically I know it can't be that bad, lol.

It's not completely accepted, though - lots of childfree people still get comments about why they don't have children.

Not for me. I had my first at 20 and had all 4 of my children before I was out of my 20s. So when I think back to my life before kids I can't really remember as I was a teenager. Even back then I had a lot of responsibility within the family as I helped to raise my younger siblings so i was never really free to do what I wanted. I'm sure some people do regret having kids but I think for most it's just a flitting thought that comes at a bad time. When I'm stressed I do sometimes think "I could be sitting here in peace if I hadn't had them all", but it's not a serious thought and it's not the life I would want. And it makes me appreciate those times that I do get to myself all the more.

This was me. I loved having mine when they were small and easy to entertain (I have five kids born within 7 years). HATED the years from about nine to fifteen, but I was a single parent from the youngest turning three, so these ages were when I was most stressed - no help, no money, desperately poor in a rented house with no heating. Then they started heading off to Uni, and were MUCH more pleasant when they returned in the holidays. Now they are all adult and such good fun; something I would really have missed if I hadn't had them.

So different ages make for different problems and some people find some problems easier than others to deal with. I'll take the heartbreak and struggles of early adulthood over the unreasonable screaming hormonal lashing-outs of early teenhood any day.

I’m not sure getting comments means it’s not accepted. People comment on all sorts of things- having children, not having children, etc etc. It’s not equivalent to the genuine lack of freedom not that many decades ago, before reliable contraception and laws against sex discrimination.

There seems to be a group of child free people on mumsnet that post regularly about how glad they are not to have children and think that parents regret having children. The child free board seems to have given them the confidence to says these things on that board, fair enough, but also across the whole site. It does come across as protesting too much. In the last week alone I’ve seen 3 instances of a parent posting struggling with an aspect of parenting, and they’ve had comments like ‘this is why I’m glad I’m glad I don’t have kids’. Thats a really fucked up thing to do. When they get challenged, they’re really pissed and claim that they’re victims.

I was in support of the child free board but I’m not so sure now as the site has definitely become more anti child since it’s been around and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I have a couple of close friends without children, it doesn't have to be child free people versus parents. We are all people living life. I do know that my friends without children have received some inappropriate comments questioning why they don’t have children. That’s particularly upsetting for one of them as she would have loved children but sadly it didn’t happen for her. The other never wanted children but the comments are still rude. They have also both seen other child free people be very rude about/to people who have children. They both think it’s weird. It seems everything is a reason for a battle these days.

I'm not talking about casual comments - I'm talking about the people who insist being childfree is a waste of life, or who insist you can never know love until you've had a child etc. They pop up on here with alarming regularity.

It does come across as protesting too much.

Or maybe they're just very confident in their choice and are quite happy to share it, no matter what comeback they might get.

To go on a parenting site and say to someone struggling with a non sleeping 4 month old or a teen who doesn’t care about exams, that this is why they’re glad they don’t have kids, doesn’t require confidence, it just requires being a nasty prick.

I’m glad I’m not married, I don’t go on threads where people are stressed about their wedding day and say ‘this is why I’m glad I’m not married’ because I’m not an arsehole.

What about those who go on to the Mumsnetters Witnout Children board and tell them they’ll regret it when they’re old and lonely with no one to look after them? Isn’t that nasty prick behaviour too?

I’ve seen a few. I would say they are protesting too much as well.

When you’re genuinely happy with your life, with children or without, you can say you’re happy without it being a swipe at others who have a different life.