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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have young adults living at home, what does their rent cover?

213 replies

Brunocatmon · 12/06/2025 11:36

My ds is 21, almost 22. He's worked in hospitality his whole working life ( he started work 2 days after he turned 16 ).

Recently he changed jobs to a more secure job with decent contracted hours with more regular pay than before.

Ds's gf ( same age, 21) also lives with me.

Then I have dd who is 14.

The 2 young adults pay rent. £200 a month. This is all in.

In a couple of weeks my eldest dd (30) , her fiance, and 2 dc are moving in from overseas until they find themselves a house to buy. Realistically this could be a good few months.

Dd ( 18) is also moving back in from overseas.( she lives with them at)

I was talking to eldest dd and she said so if we give you X rent then we'll get groceries but if people want expensive extras they get it themselves is that OK?

I said their rent is inclusive of groceries unless expensive treats etc.

It just got me wondering. If your adult dc pay rent what does it include?

OP posts:
BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 18:23

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 13:46

@Cherrytree86

In my view, charging DC to stay in their own home is only acceptable in two specific circumstances:

  1. A parent is genuinely desperate for the money- I.e. a single parent struggling to pay rent and bills.

  2. The DC is earning an exceptionally high income. I would class this as £125k+, like an investment banker or corporate lawyer in London might be paid.

Personally, I think charging for your adult DC's keep is a good way of teaching them how to budget and also an introduction into the 'real world'. I know of so many adults who just haven't got a clue about budgeting! I do know that many parents charge their DC for keep and then secretly save it for them, so it's there for when they want get on the property ladder. Each to their own.

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 18:28

@BooneyBeautiful

How do young adults nearly everywhere else in the world learn to budget without being made to pay their parents money?

Notreallyme27 · 14/06/2025 18:29

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 18:28

@BooneyBeautiful

How do young adults nearly everywhere else in the world learn to budget without being made to pay their parents money?

Presumably they move out and pay their bills, unless they’re from a culture that infantilises them.

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 18:38

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 16:16

@Cherrytree86

I take the view (as does the vast majority of the world) that having DC is a lifelong commitment.

Their home should be a place they can return to as and when needed, not a hotel where they are charged for taking up space like they have booked an Airbnb.

Then you are very privileged! My two adult DC know they are always welcome here, but they would be expected to pay their way if they were living here again. I sincerely hope that doesn't happen though as they both have their own houses now. I

Please stop trying to make the less-wealthy feel guilty about charging their adult children for their keep.

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 18:48

Notreallyme27 · 14/06/2025 00:20

@BlueyNeedsToFuckOff But how do you make them save if they won’t? I see lots of people saying this but do you demand to see a bank statement every month and kick them out if they’re not saving? I’m genuinely at a loss as to how I can force my DD to save. She just won’t. (I do agree about the infantilisation though. I wouldn’t save for her because she refuses to save for herself).

You could charge DD a bit extra housekeeping and save it on her behalf, but that is somewhat infantilising her as she should be saving herself. It's something to think about though.

I was always brought up to save. I remember when I was nine, my maternal GM passed and I was left £50. £40 was put into a National Savings account for me, £5 went into my Post Office account and I was given £5 to spend. I remember one of the things I bought was a lovely mustard coloured skirt. £5 went a long way in 1969!

Hall84 · 14/06/2025 20:32

To go back to the original question; it covers utilities, I pay for my car (I pay their insurance on my car and vice versa because it suits us to have everyone insured - as a young adult i could use my mum's car which they insured but I needed to put occasional petrol in), they get the everyday shopping, which covers items only DD eats for breakfast/snacks and general toiletries/cleaning stuff/laundry stuff. If we've run out of something and there's a top-up shop I pay if I pick it up, pay for my phone (always have), if we go out for tea sometimes they pay and sometimes I pay. I keep my room/DDs room in some semblance of order. My Dad pays the storage fees for our stuff out of the money I give them. They do some childcare for me but ive swapped jobs so im not so reliant on them. It works but I'm sure we'll all be glad when we have our own space again. I'm really grateful for the support they've given us and quite frankly would be really upset if they wouldnt take anything from me, they're retired and we dont come cheap!

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 20:52

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 18:28

@BooneyBeautiful

How do young adults nearly everywhere else in the world learn to budget without being made to pay their parents money?

Some do and some don't! I know plenty of adults who have no idea about budgeting. They buy frivolous things before making sure the necessities are covered. I just think that asking for keep gives them a better understanding. It doesn't always work, of course, but personally I think it points them in the right direction.

BooneyBeautiful · 15/06/2025 00:29

RamblingEclectic · 14/06/2025 18:17

For living at home - £200 per month + 1 bill - I think it's important for them to pay a bill in their own name to start building a financial history and being a fully adult part of the household.

Their father and I are still paying everything for our kids within the home and their phones. We don't pay for transport costs unless we're all traveling together as a family after they stop being eligible for the school/student bus tickets. We also don't pay for any additional entertainment for them, but they have access to ours.

My DS1 and DD1 last year both earned more than I did. My DD1 is looking likely to do so again this year. They're aware that when they're paying that £200, it goes into the account that is used to mostly used to pay to family extras for trips and such, and as they're paying in, they're part of the conversation on how that's spent in a way their younger siblings aren't.

I find it particularly odd when people charge their DC who are doing apprenticeships. If they had chosen the uni route, you would have been expected and required to support the costs of doing that.

My DS1 chose the uni route, but as he earned his way onto a sponsored course, he gets a monthly bursary on top of his tuition being paid & he gets paid back his travel costs between the campus and home during breaks. He also worked for a year prior to doing so and is in a financially good place while living in halls. The only cost I've covered is him still being on the family plan for his phone, his share is like £7 a month and he still has access to our Netflix and things.

They are effectively saving you thousands by doing the apprenticeship option, and you are also going to make them give up the pittance of a wage they get.

Not all apprenticeships pay a pittance. A quality employer in a desirable work area and location will pay well above the apprenticeship minimum wage.

My DD1 went the apprenticeship route from 16, and at 16 earned more than I did that year, and she wasn't anywhere near the highest wages for apprentices I've seen. It's very possible for the few who get onto apprenticeship schemes in some engineering or tech companies to be earning over 30k a year plus tuition.

Also, if they can and do take the apprenticeship option at 16, they're no longer considered fulltime students, which means some things do become significantly more expensive earlier than if they took a more academic route. The opticians, as an example, treats 16 year old apprentices on any wage the same as adults. I'm well aware of families that got the sticker shock when their child who used to be covered by the NHS for their eye tests and glasses suddenly wasn't (and because they're at home, they're unlikely to get any additional NHS help for it).

Parents feel a responsibility to look after the DC rather than turning it into a transaction at 18.

I don't see how my kids paying into the household pot that is used for their benefit is turning our relationship into a transaction or mean I'm not looking after them. I see it as treating them like an adult, they pay in, they get to be part of the conversations on household finances.

Having grown up in a culture where kids, particularly girls, do stay at home and get it all paid for as adults until they can move out - I'm well aware of the painful strings that can be attached to that. It isn't all sunshine and roses and unconditional love just because the adult child isn't having to pay. I've been there, done that, fled that.

That's an excellent point about building up a financial history. I remember at one point my DS suddenly realising he didn't have much of a credit score because all he had in his name was a pay monthly mobile phone bill.

He went to university and used to work when he came home in the holidays. I can't remember if I charged him any keep when he was home, but if I did it would only have been a very nominal amount. Even when he left university and started working full-time, I was only charging him £130 a month because he didn't eat here very much and was often working away for two or three days a week or staying with his girlfriend. I also didn't charge him when he went away on holiday for one or two weeks. Because I was only charging him for what it cost to keep him, I didn't take a financial hit when he moved out.

BeachLife2 · 15/06/2025 10:52

@Notreallyme27

So pretty much every country in the world infantilises young adults by your logic then?

Charging DC to live at home would not be countenanced in the vast majority of the world.

Deadringer · 15/06/2025 13:40

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 13:46

@Cherrytree86

In my view, charging DC to stay in their own home is only acceptable in two specific circumstances:

  1. A parent is genuinely desperate for the money- I.e. a single parent struggling to pay rent and bills.

  2. The DC is earning an exceptionally high income. I would class this as £125k+, like an investment banker or corporate lawyer in London might be paid.

See I don't get this at all. We have 4 adult dc at home, they all earn around 35 to 37k . My dh earns about the same. I don't have a job for various reasons that i won't go into. Why the fuck would we pay for all the food and bills? The two eldest have both managed to save enough to buy homes of their own which was the goal, while contributing to the household. Even if my dh earned significantly more than them, why on earth would grown adults live for free? Ridiculous

BooneyBeautiful · 15/06/2025 14:17

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 16:57

oh no according to @BeachLife2 they should just suck it up and go without so that their offspring can live in luxury and keep every penny to themselves cos being a parent is a life long commitment and your kids didn’t ask to be born…wah wah wah

Show quote history

I agree. I thought we raised DC to be good, strong, independent adults who could make their own way in the world (with the obvious exceptions such as disability etc). I didn't raise mine to be living at home with me free of charge when they were working.

I taught mine to budget from a very young age, probably as soon they could count and understand money. If they wanted an expensive item, they had to save something towards it from their pocket money and birthday/Christmas money, and I would lend them the rest. I kept a book (I still have it) which had a running total. They always paid me back. DS is very good with money. DD is a bit more of a spendthrift, but not totally irresponsible. They are both in their thirties and own their own homes.

Cherrytree86 · 15/06/2025 14:30

Deadringer · 15/06/2025 13:40

See I don't get this at all. We have 4 adult dc at home, they all earn around 35 to 37k . My dh earns about the same. I don't have a job for various reasons that i won't go into. Why the fuck would we pay for all the food and bills? The two eldest have both managed to save enough to buy homes of their own which was the goal, while contributing to the household. Even if my dh earned significantly more than them, why on earth would grown adults live for free? Ridiculous

Show quote history

according to @BeachLife2 you absolutely should pay for everything cos parenting is a life long commitment?

CandyLeBonBon · 15/06/2025 14:52

BeachLife2 · 15/06/2025 10:52

@Notreallyme27

So pretty much every country in the world infantilises young adults by your logic then?

Charging DC to live at home would not be countenanced in the vast majority of the world.

@BeachLife2do you genuinely believe that adults earning a full time salary shouldn’t contribute to the running costs of the household they live in?

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