If you have young adults living at home, what does their rent cover?

[Brunocatmon]

My ds is 21, almost 22. He's worked in hospitality his whole working life ( he started work 2 days after he turned 16 ).

Recently he changed jobs to a more secure job with decent contracted hours with more regular pay than before.

Ds's gf ( same age, 21) also lives with me.

Then I have dd who is 14.

The 2 young adults pay rent. £200 a month. This is all in.

In a couple of weeks my eldest dd (30) , her fiance, and 2 dc are moving in from overseas until they find themselves a house to buy. Realistically this could be a good few months.

Dd ( 18) is also moving back in from overseas.( she lives with them at)

I was talking to eldest dd and she said so if we give you X rent then we'll get groceries but if people want expensive extras they get it themselves is that OK?

I said their rent is inclusive of groceries unless expensive treats etc.

It just got me wondering. If your adult dc pay rent what does it include?

One ds pays £350 pcm and the other £400 pcm. That includes everything. It’s a large house and expensive to run.

if they weren’t still living at home we would have moved and downsized. So it is costing us more to have them still
living with us (obvs we don’t mind that).

£200 per be person is pretty standard.

I would say that's her problem to solve but I am mean like that!

I admire your matriarchal spirit.

My DD boomeranged back home following a relationship breakdown during Covid. She's still here because she also has an arrangement with work where she can WFH nationally / internationally while she goes travelling for 2 - 3 months at a time. Plus, a couple of nights a week she stays at her boyfriend's (different guy to the ex).

She gives me £300 per month for food and bills (although obviously she's not here quite a lot of the time). She also buys loads of her own food. To be fair, she does have a decent job and she works hard when she's not on her travels. The logic behind her staying at home is a) we have the space; and b) we live in a high rent area and her quality of life would take a massive hit if she were to privately rent a place she'd actually only be living / sleeping in 30% of the time.

My DD(29) lives at home. She is in full time employment & pays €100 per week which covers rent & all household bills. She buys her own groceries & covers all expenses for her pet. Her friend (also 29) lives here too & pays €100 per week on the same basis (was originally a temporary arrangement, but she has found it impossible to find affordable accommodation in our city). The going rate in our suburban area for a room in a shared house is €800 pcm plus bills.

DS24 pays £200/month
DD22 pays £150/month
Both save between 500-700/month. I buy all everyday food, toiletries etc. they buy anything extra/luxury stuff. They fund their own cars, insurance, phones etc.

My two adult children live with me. One is a full time student - not charged. One works full time. I charge market rate rent for the worker but she is aware I am saving this for her for future use to buy her own place. It is more enforced saving and getting her used to not having that money in her pocket than actual 'rent'. In both cases, all the normal stuff in the house - soap, toilet paper, food stuffs... are available for everyone. I even buy food they want if they add it to the shopping list. They will also ask if I need anything if they go shopping. They also shop and buy their own food for ingredients for specific meals or treats and snacks. We have a special reserved section in the fridge and the kitchen cupboard for items not for sharing - mine or theirs.

I’ve always thought that the idea of charging children (even grown ups) for ‘rent’ is odd. But then I grew up with the this is your home whenever you need it idea and ‘rent’ sounds like something you charge a tenant or flat mate or lodger, and generally is put in place to make some sort of money for profit and to help cover a mortgage.

Bills and food, sure if you want to, that’s entirely reasonable. Though I would hope that with food they are either managing that themselves or you’re all splitting costs and duties!

That said you too sound very accommodating.

No idea on what to charge them. What is the purpose of it? Presumably to cover some costs for electric and water etc? Or is this a ‘they don’t have to pay rent elsewhere so it can go towards my mortgage’ sort of thing? Personally, I’d let them save on rent costs so they have something to put towards their own future houses as I’d still be paying the same mortgage costs if the house were full or empty. Split bills etc between however many living in the house?

Your rent is far too low for your 'all inclusive' establishment! I understand that you don't want to fleece them, it sounds as if you don't need the money, but if they are working they should be paying a reasonable amount. Do a bit of research and find out how much people pay for a room in a shared house, you will be surprised. Your children will think nothing of spending their weekly rent (less than £50) on an evening out with their friends. I hope they are being respectful and doing their own washing and ironing, keeping their rooms and bathrooms clean, and also doing some chores around the home. If they're not saying to you 'what can I do to help?' then they are not good tenants..

I assume you mean for long term living or do your children’s partners have to find a Travel Lodge when they visit for the weekend?

I've been living with my mum for about 2.5 years after leaving my abusive ex (DD, now 3 also with me half the week). I'm 36, work full time and she's never charged me rent. Wants me to be able to save for a deposit to buy my first house (which I will be doing within the next year or so...hopefully!)

@MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble That's what my mum has always said...even when I was still with my ex and was trying to leave, she always said "This is, and always will be, your home and I'll always be here". My brother moved out about 9 years ago and still says that when he comes to visit, he's coming "home" for the weekend. My mum always goes all out and indulges him when he comes to visit as well...she really is a "mama bear"!

I'm honestly surprised at those whose adult children pay nothing. It's not even the point, to me, if you can afford to cover them without contributing. Young adults need to learn how to budget for their expenses and have a view of how much it costs for bills etc. My ds earns 23k and pays £300 pm. That's a contribution to groceries, we take turns cooking and he takes lunch to work, if he is out or fancies something else he buys and cooks his own food. He also runs his own car and pays for petrol, pays for his phone and his own subscriptions.

With that many people, OP, I would think seriously about who is cooking and when. Your dd is effectively bringing her family of 4. It may be easier for her to do her own food shop and cooking.

My eldest is home after 5 years of living independently, budgeting, managing everything herself. She knows it all already.

I am from a culture where money does not change hands in families.
Amazingly we all manage to learn how to budget and be frugal.
Horses for courses.

My eldest dd and I have talked about this. My dgs (2) has complex allergies so she'll be taking care of most of his groceries and cooking.

Sometimes ds cooks, sometimes my dd 14 will cook, she loves cooking, we'll be making up a new rota of shared chores.

Do you buy food, help with bills etc?

Mine has moved out now but was paying £200 which basically covered his food. We were fine with that as he was saving up a house deposit.

Can’t understand all these indulgent parents who charge nothing when their children are working full time. They are still able to save while paying their way. No doubt they also manage to buy clothes, and have a social life, holidays etc. it’s taking the pee out of their parents imo.

My son is 23. He pays £500 a month.

He has ASD and ADHD and in many ways is like a young teenager, and only holds a job down because of the additional support and scaffolding he has at home, which in turn has impacted on the hours I can work, my earnings and ultimately my pension.

We drop him off and pick him up from work, so he gets through a few tanks of petrol during the month. I manage his money and ensure he saves as well (and he has amassed a very healthy savings account) otherwise he would blow the lot on XBox, Monster and Pizza.

If he took less of my brain power I wouldn't take as much money, and at some point he will almost certainly blow his job up, so then I won't be taking anything from him for who knows how long.

That’s too many people in one house I wouldn’t do it .

I offered to when I moved back with her (offered to pay rent as well), but she didn't want me to. She'll buy the food for us (her, me and DD) and if I want/need anything extra, I'll get it myself.

I'll be the same with DD when/if she's in a similar position as me.

DC shouldn't be paying rent to stay in their own home unless: a) their parents are on a very low income and desperate for the money or b) they are earning an absolute fortune. It's not a hotel.

DH is Spanish and he can't believe that this happens in the UK. Any parent who tried similar in Spain would be torn a new one by their family. He says there would be shock all over torn about it.

Yet another way in which youngsters have it harder here compared to elsewhere. It is a very bizarre ritual.

In response to those like @Allseeingallknowing who say that they don’t understand parents who charge nothing and that they are being indulgent, I think it’s all about details and circumstance.

I think that contributions to food – if eating together – is one thing. Bills, that’s reasonable too though I’d rather argue should be based upon circumstance (how comfortably off are the parents? What if anything is the adult child earning? Why have they had to move home?). You see those on MN that seem to think that children returning from uni in the holidays should start paying their way. That seems particularly harsh.

Personally, the idea of charging your children ‘rent’ I find rather bizarre. (If it’s expenses, then that’s not rent). Charging children to take up residence in your house is a strange thing. If charging a child a rent, what are you using it for? (again I don’t mean expenses) To pay towards your mortgage (which would be the same if they were there or not)? Or perhaps for profit? Both seem rather mean.

Surely it should always be about circumstances. Can the parents afford it? Are they struggling financially anyway, and are the child is earning rather well? Then great, a contribution that goes beyond food and bills is going to be helpful and fair. But equally if the parents are doing rather well, then why charge a child who is presumably just starting out on a very expensive road to adulthood.

Some see it as some sort of lesson in frugality and adulthood. Fine perhaps if you’re secretly saving the money to give back to them towards a deposit, as a few on here say they do, but really, why not just tell them you don’t want rent but would like them to save their own money while they’re with you?

As a child of very reasonable baby boomers, they understood - when I moved back home in my mid-twenties after a relationship broke down and while in the very early (and badly paid) stages of a career - that they had had things rather good. That they came from a generation who had free university education, were able to get ‘jobs for life’ with career progression built in and were able to buy houses young and for not very much money. They realised that house costs were now phenomenal high and beyond the reach of most – rent was skyrocketing too – and they also knew that they and their generation had benefitted enormously from this rise. Houses bought in the 1980s for £20k or £40k might now be worth into the millions and too that one of the reasons for the rise in house costs was baby boomers who had invested in second (3rd, 4th, 5th…) properties as a back up to their pensions. They had taken over the market and made that market practically inaccessible to those not already part of it. They knew that charging me a rent that they didn’t need and would only make my ever being able to leave again even more difficult would be completely ridiculous.

So really, charge expenses, absolutely. Ask for a ‘contribution towards living there’ if you need the help and they can afford it. But don’t charge them rent if you don’t need it. At best it will be a rather pointless lesson in the realities of life and at worst it will mean that they will never actually be able to afford to leave!

Ds1 pays enough to cover the share of the council tax, bills and his chicken breast addiction.

I don't profit from it, but I do expect him, as a grown adult, to pay his way in terms of food and bills.